Madeline Options

[madeline]

hey everyone,

I didn't know where to post this. I had Madeline, a beagle mix, for 5 years. She is 9 years old. Last year I got very very ill and almost died. Madeline saved my life in ways too profound to say right now. Unfortunately, in the process we got fleas from a neighbor;s dog and she came down with crippling arthritis and grew lumps and became inactive and dehydrated easily. Because of my disability and not working I could not afford proper vet care for her nor could I give her the exercise she needed nor get rid of the fleas as she was so ill I was afraid the Frontline was worsening her. She would tremor. So Saturday, after two days of near carrying her up the stairs, I took her to the spca. They will adopt her out if she passes the doctor. If she doesn't they will euthanize her. I wish I had had the money to get a good work up for her, all the x-rays and biopsies. I did for most of our time together but last year ripped me apart financially. I tried rehoming her and couldn't find anyone that wanted 9 year old arthritic dog. I am feeling immense guilt that this may mean she is euthanized. Why didn't you sell your truck I think? Move to get away from the fleas and so she wouldn't have to climb stairs? Well we did move, three months ago. I couldn't do it again. The what if's are haunting me. And I miss her. I've been crying for three straight days. I have an anxiety disorder and she was very much like a service animal to me. I don't know what I'll do without her. She kept me going. But I couldn't take care of her how she needed though now it;s funny I have a job interview on Thursday. Maybe it could have all worked out. Is it wrong I got tired of caring for her illness? That I just couldn't do it? I feel like something is wrong with me for giving her up. Why didn't I try harder? Why when she swallowed a chicken bone and nearly died did I kind of half-hope she would a couple of weeks ago? (I took her to the vet, she recovered). However it was then I realized I didn't have the money. I had to borrow from a friend. What is wrong with me? I am hoping I did the right thing. I call Wed. to find out if they euthanized her. I feel like a dog murderer.The local rescue never called me back. I wish I had found a home for her with wealthy people. The last look she gave me was of love.

thanks.
Amy

[madeline]

I feel like I made the wrong decision. I should have fostered her for a couple weeks, cleaned, waited till my next check, gone to the vet, bought the pain pills.