Missing My Friend Options

[kateress]

8 1/2 years ago, I went to my local humane society and came home with a 6 month old Rhodesian Ridgeback/Mix puppy. His name was Apollo, but I changed it to Rex, he seemed to like it better. From the moment I took him home, he was the happiest, cuddliest, liveliest dog I'd ever seen. It was like he was always saying "Thank you for saving me, I love life! I love you!" His little stub of a tail was always wagging, actually he wagged his whole butt! He was always by my side and every night he would curl right up next to me and lay his head on me. He was so comfortable and happy. We had to move back in with my parents not long after that, but Rex sure didn't mind, because my mom fried him an egg to eat every morning. We spent so many beautiful summer nights playing fetch. Almost every day I took him for a walk around the block.

I always knew I was lucky to have Rex in my life. I always knew that no matter what happened, he would be there, ready and willing to comfort me and cheer me up. I always knew I could make him happy even when it felt like the world was against me. It was more like me and Rex against the world. He saw me through all my hard times. No matter how bad I was hurting, I could curl up with him and he would calm my soul.

3 years ago I got married and we moved again. 6 months after I got married I had a baby. I was so busy with working and being a mother and wife and running the house that I didn't have as much time for Rex any more. We hardly ever went on walks, I did sometimes play ball with him but not nearly enough. I know I didn't pet him as much as I used to. But still every night he slept right next to me and we cuddled every time I got a chance to take a nap.

Rex started having trouble walking as soon as this summer was over. It was so bad you could actually hear bones rubbing together. He lost about 15 pounds in 4 months. A couple weeks ago, he tried to go outside and couldn't get over the step and fell and peed on the floor, he had never done that. Then he stopped eating. I took him to the vet thinking it was just arthritis and that could be helped with medication. The vet checked him all out and said there was more going on than arthritis, but she wasn't sure what. After xrays and aspirations, she still didn't know what the problem was. She gave him a cortisone shot and some pills and said if he wasn't better in a couple days to bring him back for more tests. The next day he was getting around a little better but still wouldn't eat. The next night, he started heaving really bad like he was trying to get something out of his throat or lungs. And he was breathing really fast and shallow. The next morning he was still breathing like that and coughing up blood. I took him back to the vet, he was so miserable. The vet said there was nothing more they could do there, Rex was old and his heart was failing.

I decided to have him put to sleep. I didn't want him to suffer any more than necessary. I'm so glad I got to be with him and petting him when he went. I took him home and waited for my husband to come home to help me bury him. I made the mistake of going out to the car and opening the bag to pet him one more time. He was still so warm, that wonderful comforting warmth that had soothed me so many times. It bothered me because it felt like a sign of life. So then I kept going back out to the car and feeling him. He was warm every time. When my husband came home I made him check a million times to make sure he was really dead, but I think that was just me being in denial. I wrote him a letter and we burried him with that and some of his favorite balls. We put bricks over the grave in a mosaic pattern.

That was one week ago exactly. The first few days, I couldn't do anything without crying uncontrollably. Everything reminded me of him, and the reality that he was gone was just too much to handle. The world seemed wicked and cruel. It made me angry and sad that the world could go on as if nothing happened, but my world felt destroyed. I lost 5 pounds in one week. Every time before when I was hurting I could turn to Rex, but now the time when I am hurting the most, he is not there. Christmas was very sad. I am glad I thought to give him his presents the week before, his favorite rawhide bones, and boy did he tear those bones up! I am getting better I suppose. I'm now just depressed about it, but at least I'm not crying constantly. I still miss him like crazy and I know I always will. He can never be replaced. But I am trying to focus on all the great times, when he was so happy. And all the attention I would've given to Rex, I now give to our other dog Brock. Brock was never a cuddly dog, but he suddenly is now. I do appreciate it, it is nice to have a dog to cuddle with, although its not the same as Rex.

I found it really does help to talk with other people who have gone through the same thing and understand how I feel. I am not a Christian, or Muslim, or Jewish, or Buddhist or anything that can really be categorized. I guess I am a deist. I'm kind of having a hard time with that, not having a faith to turn to. All I know is that energy can not be created nor destroyed, and I believe our souls are energy and the soul can not be destroyed. I can only hope that Rex's energy is still here with me.

[Brutus]

Dear Kateress...Rex is a cutie pie...so is your daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss...I lost Brutus 6 weeks ago and I too could not eat/sleep for about 2 weeks...I was like a zombie. I cried hysterically almost the whole two weeks. Things are definately better, I still cry every single day but I am able to control it to an extent. At times I still feel like I'm not really here and just going through the motions of life....life doesn't seem real sometimes without him here. I'm not sure we ever get over the loss of a great pet like Rex...we just get through it. Sending prayers for great Rex memories and peace.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

[kateress]

Dear Kateress...Rex is a cutie pie...so is your daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss...I lost Brutus 6 weeks ago and I too could not eat/sleep for about 2 weeks...I was like a zombie. I cried hysterically almost the whole two weeks. Things are definately better, I still cry every single day but I am able to control it to an extent. At times I still feel like I'm not really here and just going through the motions of life....life doesn't seem real sometimes without him here. I'm not sure we ever get over the loss of a great pet like Rex...we just get through it. Sending prayers for great Rex memories and peace.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Sonya,

Yes you are right. How could we ever get over these losses? It's just like you said, we can only get through it. I'm very very sorry about your loss of Brutus. I read some of your posts and I can tell he was a totally awesome dog. I always knew it would be hard when Rex's time came, but I NEVER knew it would be this hard. I'm glad you're doing better, and I know what you mean about life not seeming real without him. I feel that way sometimes, so I make myself go do something. I find that I don't think about him being gone as much when I'm not at home. Everytime I come in the door, my eyes automatically look to where he would be normally sitting, and my heart sinks. But in my mind's eye, I CAN see him sitting there, wagging his tail at me, that's nice to picture. It is so good to think back on the good times we had with our dogs, because even though they're gone, they can still make us smile. If you ever need to talk about Brutus, just let me know.

Kateress