8 1/2 years ago, I went to my local humane society and came home with a 6 month old Rhodesian Ridgeback/Mix puppy. His name was Apollo, but I changed it to Rex, he seemed to like it better. From the moment I took him home, he was the happiest, cuddliest, liveliest dog I'd ever seen. It was like he was always saying "Thank you for saving me, I love life! I love you!" His little stub of a tail was always wagging, actually he wagged his whole butt! He was always by my side and every night he would curl right up next to me and lay his head on me. He was so comfortable and happy. We had to move back in with my parents not long after that, but Rex sure didn't mind, because my mom fried him an egg to eat every morning. We spent so many beautiful summer nights playing fetch. Almost every day I took him for a walk around the block.

I always knew I was lucky to have Rex in my life. I always knew that no matter what happened, he would be there, ready and willing to comfort me and cheer me up. I always knew I could make him happy even when it felt like the world was against me. It was more like me and Rex against the world. He saw me through all my hard times. No matter how bad I was hurting, I could curl up with him and he would calm my soul.

3 years ago I got married and we moved again. 6 months after I got married I had a baby. I was so busy with working and being a mother and wife and running the house that I didn't have as much time for Rex any more. We hardly ever went on walks, I did sometimes play ball with him but not nearly enough. I know I didn't pet him as much as I used to. But still every night he slept right next to me and we cuddled every time I got a chance to take a nap.

Rex started having trouble walking as soon as this summer was over. It was so bad you could actually hear bones rubbing together. He lost about 15 pounds in 4 months. A couple weeks ago, he tried to go outside and couldn't get over the step and fell and peed on the floor, he had never done that. Then he stopped eating. I took him to the vet thinking it was just arthritis and that could be helped with medication. The vet checked him all out and said there was more going on than arthritis, but she wasn't sure what. After xrays and aspirations, she still didn't know what the problem was. She gave him a cortisone shot and some pills and said if he wasn't better in a couple days to bring him back for more tests. The next day he was getting around a little better but still wouldn't eat. The next night, he started heaving really bad like he was trying to get something out of his throat or lungs. And he was breathing really fast and shallow. The next morning he was still breathing like that and coughing up blood. I took him back to the vet, he was so miserable. The vet said there was nothing more they could do there, Rex was old and his heart was failing.

I decided to have him put to sleep. I didn't want him to suffer any more than necessary. I'm so glad I got to be with him and petting him when he went. I took him home and waited for my husband to come home to help me bury him. I made the mistake of going out to the car and opening the bag to pet him one more time. He was still so warm, that wonderful comforting warmth that had soothed me so many times. It bothered me because it felt like a sign of life. So then I kept going back out to the car and feeling him. He was warm every time. When my husband came home I made him check a million times to make sure he was really dead, but I think that was just me being in denial. I wrote him a letter and we burried him with that and some of his favorite balls. We put bricks over the grave in a mosaic pattern.

That was one week ago exactly. The first few days, I couldn't do anything without crying uncontrollably. Everything reminded me of him, and the reality that he was gone was just too much to handle. The world seemed wicked and cruel. It made me angry and sad that the world could go on as if nothing happened, but my world felt destroyed. I lost 5 pounds in one week. Every time before when I was hurting I could turn to Rex, but now the time when I am hurting the most, he is not there. Christmas was very sad. I am glad I thought to give him his presents the week before, his favorite rawhide bones, and boy did he tear those bones up! I am getting better I suppose. I'm now just depressed about it, but at least I'm not crying constantly. I still miss him like crazy and I know I always will. He can never be replaced. But I am trying to focus on all the great times, when he was so happy. And all the attention I would've given to Rex, I now give to our other dog Brock. Brock was never a cuddly dog, but he suddenly is now. I do appreciate it, it is nice to have a dog to cuddle with, although its not the same as Rex.

I found it really does help to talk with other people who have gone through the same thing and understand how I feel. I am not a Christian, or Muslim, or Jewish, or Buddhist or anything that can really be categorized. I guess I am a deist. I'm kind of having a hard time with that, not having a faith to turn to. All I know is that energy can not be created nor destroyed, and I believe our souls are energy and the soul can not be destroyed. I can only hope that Rex's energy is still here with me.

I am so sorry to hear about your precious dog Rex. If you need any support this is the place to come to. Everybody is so kind and we all know exactly how hard it is to lose an animal. I have found so much comfort coming to this forum to deal with my loss.

Do you have any pictures of Rex? If so, we would sure love to see them.

Take care,
Rhapsedy

Hi Kateress

So sad to hear of the loss of your dear Rex. He sounds like a wonderful dog, and you have obviously shared so much together over the years. My neighbour has two Rhodesian Ridgebacks, great dogs. I'm very fond of them.
I'm so pleased that you were able to write about Rex, and to share your sadness with everyone on here. We have all suffered so much over the loss of our pets and 'soul mates'. It's good to be able to talk to like minded people who understand.

Yes , as Rhapsedy said, If you feel able to post a photo of Rex on here , we would all love to see him.
It's good that you have your Brock to cuddle. He will be feeling the loss as well, so you will be so good for each other.
Thinking of you.

Jan and my Angel girls xx

Thank you so much for your kind words. It is helping me to read other people's stories and know that they are going through the same thing I am, we can support each other. I'm having trouble posting pics of Rex on here, the file is too big, but I don't know how to make it smaller. I will work on it. Thanks again.

Hello Jan,

I appreciate the nice things you've said regarding my post. I am also sorry for your losses. By looking at your profile picture I can see you had some really beautiful dogs. Sometimes they really do feel like soul mates. I seem to be having a really hard time posting pictures. Can anyone help me with this?

Hello Kateress
Thanks for complimenting my beautiful girls.
I too had a lot of problems at first trying to post photos. The file size was always too big. One way I reduced the size was to E-mail the pictures to myself and then save on 'my pictures' in the my documents on windows. Then they seemed to have reduced in file size and I was then able to upload onto here. The other way is to 'crop' them using whatever photo editing system you have. The other way I managed to help people on here was to copy photos from 'facebook' and then save them on my pc, then upload from there. if you have a facebook account you could do the same probably, by right clicking the photo and then 'save as' in your 'my pictures' on your pc. The file size of these seem to be under the 400kb size, so ok to upload.
If you still have trouble you could e-mail the photo to me and I'll see if I can upload it for you. Let me know and I'll send you my e-mail address and or my facebook details.

Hope you can get it to work. Looking forward to seeing your Darling Rex.
Jan x

Wow thanks for all the info. Here I go:

Kateress--

What a great -looking dog! I love the second picture especially--the wide angle is great, as it makes his head look as large as his body! I can see the deep soul in his eyes.

Your letter really moved me, because it was beautiful and insightful and heart-breaking all at the same time. What strikes me is that you sound "complete" with the whole thing, even though you feel incomplete without Rex, and probably will, at least a little bit, forever. But you sound so "sane," and your reactions are so deep and profound. And it sounds like you are not driving yourself mad with feeling like you did the wrong things at the end...you sound, instead, rather resigned to how it all went. Rex would want that for you--he would want you to come to peace with his passing, as you're doing, much as it hurts.

I know that feeling of "us" against the world (or WITH the world.) I feel that intensely with Ladywolf--she is my "warrior," even though she doesn't fight. But it feels like she's fighting metaphorical battles for me all the time, allowing me to continue to exist on this complicated planet. I can't imagine life without her, as she is all the family that I have...But I'll have to come to terms with it too, when the time arrives. I'm just dreading it.

Thank you for posting such a heartfelt letter here--I, and others I'm sure--feel really moved. Yes, give that old Brockster some extra lovies, as I'm doing with Ladywolf now that Poppers has died (about two, or is it three, weeks ago now?) Whatever, Dec. 13th. (Luckily, NOT a Friday!) Lady is lonely too, although I think she also enjoys getting ALL the attention now!

Big Hugs to you!!

Margi and Ladywolf

HI Kateress,
Very sorry for your loss I know it is hard but as everyone has said we all are here to try to help each other. Sometimes it helps and sometimes I just cry more.
But it feels so good knowing that everyone has experienced the same thing. So please know we are here if you need someone to talk to. My Max was adopted also and some people used to tell me he had rhodesian in him also. My Max also had a little stub for a tail. So we both have even more in common. There is a picture of my max on my post. Please just try to take one day at a time thats all we can do.

Thinking of you
Max's Mommy Anna

Aww Kateress so glad you managed to post the photos, they are so lovely.
Love and hugs.
Jan and my Angels

Margi,

I think you are right about me being "complete" about the whole ordeal. I was definitely a basketcase the first few days, and I still get all teary-eyed every time something reminds me of Rex, and I'm still trying to adjust to life without him. But you're right that Rex would want me to come to peace without him. Even though it hurts, I know that the only way to go is forward. I think we would all agree that if we could change the past we would, but we can't. I'm at a point now where all I can do is remember him, and the happy life I gave him. A few days after he died, I wrote in my journal all the things I will miss about him, that helped a lot, just to get it out on paper. And of course just knowing that this forum exists was a great comfort.

Good luck with Ladywolf. Treasure the time you have with her, which I am sure you are already doing. When the time comes, you know we will be here for you. And I'm very sorry about Poppers, I hope you are getting through ok. Thanks again for your thoughts.

Kateress

Anna,

I really do appreciate all the support I've found here. I know my other dog Brock is getting old, he is actually older than Rex was, and I know the day will come where I will feel this sadness all over again. It's good to know I can come here. I just looked at the picture of your Max and what a cutie! Such a sweet face. It really does look like he had some ridgeback in him. Looks like he had a lot of personality too. I've been talking to a lot of people both on here and in my life who have been through the loss of a pet and they all say the same thing: it does get easier, it just takes time. Just like you said, I'm taking things one day at a time.

Thank you much,
Kateress

Thank you he was something else. Its just so hard to except that he is gone. It all happened so fast I didnt have time to really think things out. All I wanted at the time was for him not to suffer. I loved him soooooo much. Life is just so empty without his silly self here. That is why I knew something was wrong when all he did was lay and not even go down 2 steps. He was the life in this house. He ran around like a idiot. That is what my husband nick named him but he was far smarter then an idiot. I called him idgit. God how they can leave us so empty without their presence. He was just so healthy he weighed 100 pounds its just hard to believe he is gone. Sorry I dont mean to depress you. keep your chin up I try but it is so dam hard.

Lets keep the fond memories alive
Anna

Dear Kateress...Rex is a cutie pie...so is your daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss...I lost Brutus 6 weeks ago and I too could not eat/sleep for about 2 weeks...I was like a zombie. I cried hysterically almost the whole two weeks. Things are definately better, I still cry every single day but I am able to control it to an extent. At times I still feel like I'm not really here and just going through the motions of life....life doesn't seem real sometimes without him here. I'm not sure we ever get over the loss of a great pet like Rex...we just get through it. Sending prayers for great Rex memories and peace.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Sonya,

Yes you are right. How could we ever get over these losses? It's just like you said, we can only get through it. I'm very very sorry about your loss of Brutus. I read some of your posts and I can tell he was a totally awesome dog. I always knew it would be hard when Rex's time came, but I NEVER knew it would be this hard. I'm glad you're doing better, and I know what you mean about life not seeming real without him. I feel that way sometimes, so I make myself go do something. I find that I don't think about him being gone as much when I'm not at home. Everytime I come in the door, my eyes automatically look to where he would be normally sitting, and my heart sinks. But in my mind's eye, I CAN see him sitting there, wagging his tail at me, that's nice to picture. It is so good to think back on the good times we had with our dogs, because even though they're gone, they can still make us smile. If you ever need to talk about Brutus, just let me know.

Kateress

Anna,

What a strange coincidince that my husband sometimes said that Rex was a silly idiot. He was silly for sure, but like Max, he was VERY smart. I had a lot of trouble too with the fact that Rex was gone so suddenly. I really didn't know there was a serious problem going on inside him. It is definitely hard to adjust without him, so far the best medicine for me is remembering the good times and knowing I provided him a great life while he was here. Max and Rex sound like they were alot alike. Stay strong.

Kateress

Yes they both sound alot alike. A stub for a tail which he also would shake his whole butt, god I miss him he was so cute. They both where from the pound both had rhodesian in them both brown and white and now the nickname idiot. Just so amazing how everyone here has so much in common one way or another. We will get through this with the help of each other.

Take Care
Anna

"We will get through this with the help of each other."

YES, that sums it up. This Forum is a godsend for all of us. Hang in, everyone, and keep on truckin', just as our critters did!

Much Love to everyone--Margi and Ladywolf

How very sad for you Katress, Rex looked and sounded like a beautiful dog. I know how it feels to have a beautiful fur baby friend who is always there for you and to then lose them. My Ulriich was always there for me too when things went wrong and because he was there, I could cope with anything. I was devastated when he was killed, I lost my best mate, he was only three when he died. I had another cat Zelda as well as Ulriich at the time he died, but she was always very skittish and aloof and difficult to catch while Ulriich was the exact opposite, very cuddly and friendly. I found the same thing happened with Zelda as what happened with your other dog, she became really friendly and affectionate toward us and has even taken on some of Ulriich's traits. We love her to bits and I'm so glad we have her. It really does help to talk to people, I received so much help here and I'm sure you will too. Religion is something people choose to believe or not believe in, but love is innate, it's part of us we're born with it and we all grieve when we lose something we love. Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure out what's out there after we die and forget to enjoy the life they are actually living now. There's only one way to find out for sure and I'm in no hurry. Hugs.

madi xx

Madi,

Thank you, I enjoyed reading your reply. I'm so sorry about Ulriich....it is interesting that Zelda did the same thing Brock has been doing since Rex left. Sometimes I forget he's Brock because he acts so Rex-like, it's strange, but I love it. I love that you have a cat named Zelda, what a great name! Yes, this forum is a nice help to me when I'm going through what everyone here understands. I really like what you said at the end of the post (quoted). You are so right about love being something we're all born with, religion or not, and people forgetting to enjoy their life. I'm to the point where I'm in total acceptance that Rex is gone, and I realize that I will probably never stop missing him, but life will go on with my happy memories of him. Thanks again Madi.

Kateress

Kateress...sending positive thoughts for a great New Year and happy memories of your dear Rex.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Dear Kateress,
My heart goes out to you. My dog became very ill and I had to have him put to sleep. He was 8 1/2 yrs old.
This happened Nov. 30th. I feel as though I really don't know what to say, I'm feeling my way through this also. But know that we are all holding on to each other, sharing one another's pain.

Allicia

Brutus' mom,

Thank you very much. I celebrated new year's by ordering a bunch of prints of Rex pictures that I had on CDs. I plan on framing some and putting a few around the house. It actually feels good to be memorializing him in this way.

Kateress

Allicia,

Thank you for reading my post and I also want to say my heart goes out to you for your loss. I know what you mean about not really knowing what to say. I feel that way too, but it helps just knowing I'm not alone. Thanks again.

Kateress

That's great...I know I did not think that I would want reminders around of Brutus, but over the last 7 weeks..I have framed and hung dozens of photos, framed my poems that I wrote for him, bought a memorial necklace, have his painting hanging above one of my sofas...have pretty much made quite the little memorial with his urn on a shelf... see the memorial section of the forum for pics of some of the things I've done..and I'm designing a tattoo that will go on the inside of my wrist..it feels good to do all this stuff...it really does, doesn't it?

Thinking of you and your fur angel Rex,
Brutus' Mom