Missing My Baby Options

[Sassy'sMom]

Hi everyone ,

My name is Kathy and I am truely heart-broken right now. I lost my best friend and sweety-pie of almost 10 yrs. It was only she and I. Now it's just me. I am just devastated over her sudden and unexpected passing. After her routine exam, my "Sassy" was dignosed with Hypo-thyroidism and was prescribed some medication by a very young-looking vet, knowing that she had and enlarged heart and murmur. I took her home gave here a pill as precribed with here food. The next morning Sassy was very lathargic, cofused, and didn't seem to recognize me. I called the animal hospital where I had taken her and told them that They needed to see what was wrong with my baby right away. Within an hour, Sassy had taken a turn for the worst right in the hospital. She suddenly lost the use of her hind legs and started whailing with distress. They then started ruuning down a berage of charges to me (money seemed to be their only concern) which was not covered in her wellness plan, that I could not afford right then and there. So, since I didn't have money, they suggested putting her down without even knowing what was causing her distress. They told me that there was nothing they could do for her since I didn't have the money to pay (as I am on fixed income). The young vet that looked at her just left the room and sent back in an assistant to tell me to basically leave her there for euthanization or take her home to make some type of decision or come up with the money before they closed at 7:00pm. I stood the with my baby and bawled while they just watched.

I finally left with her and within an hour after I got home she became worse and whailed nad cried and drug her back legs. I picked her up put her in my lap and started to sing her favorite song to her...(the "BARNEY" theme song..."I LOVE YOU>>>YOU LOVE ME>>...THAT"S THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE>>>!! she looked up at me as to say... MOMMY PLEASE HELP ME...she gurgled...lost conrol of her bladder and bowels...jerked a couple of times and expired in my arms!! I believed she had a heart attack and I do believe it was the Thyroid medication that caused it.

I am feeling a terrible since of guilt right now. One, because I was not financially able to leave her there; two, because i didn't realize that x-rays and ECG/EKG was covered in her plan...which may have helped save her or at least let me know what was happening to her; and three, for not being composed enough to demand an eprotopsy(spelling) or as we know it, an autopsy. Sassy has since been cremated and I will never know what really happened to my baby and I truely hope that she is not angry at me. There is no question whether she loved me and knew that her mommy loved her, because she heard it from me everyday of her 9 1/2 years, even as she lay dying in my arms.

I am humbled to know that there is some support in this forum and to all who have lost their babies...GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

I feel as if there is nothing inside of me right now...this is certainly not easy, especially now that I am in this empty house by myself without the presence of my sweet little girl.

[/center]IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY "SASS"
[center]

APRIL 4, 2000 - DECEMBER 11, 2009

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi Kathy please know my heart goes out to you. I know it is so rough. Please know you are not alone I try to tell myself how many other people who are hurting just as much as I am. I even try to bargain with myself I have maybe 1 or 2 hours out of a day that I have a dry eyes. I looked in the mirror today and god my eyes are actually swollen. It is almost 3 weeks and just cant shake it. I barely sleep or eat. I try to do my best which isnt to good. So just try to hang in there. I am really one to give advise. But even if I cant help myself maybe I can help someone else in thier time of pain.

Take Care
Anna