Please Help - I Need A Friend Options

[maccasmum]

Hi to anyone who's reading this... I found this site while I was at work today, and it's been so comforting to me to see that there are so many people out there with so much kindness and support for others who are grieving.

I'm about to lose my beloved Macca, my beautitful tabby cat. He's 10 years old, and was diagnosed with an intestinal tumour at the end of November. He's never been a well cat (he had cat flu when he was a baby, has had teeth trouble, skin problems, eye problems and, most recently, kidney disease), but he's fought back against everything, and I've always pushed for the best treatment and care for him. And somehow the fact that he was so prone to getting these crazy illnesses (he's had Athlete's Paw!) just made me love him even more, and vow to stand by him. Finding out he had kidney disease (I found that out last May) was a shock, but he was doing well, and I thought it was under control. And then this tumour comes along... Well, there's nothing I can do for him now. He's on steroids which are helping in terms of his appetite, but he's very sick - and it seems like he's getting sicker before my eyes. The vet told me to prepare myself for having to make the decision to euthanise. I'm in bits over it - when is the right time? At the moment Macca's eating well, he can walk about just fine, and his eyes - his lovely green eyes - are big and clear and as beguiling as ever. But he's not himself. How do we judge quality of life? He's skinny, he likes hiding rather than company, and he has terrible problems with his bowels. How do I know when is the right time? How can I even do it? It's like I'm grieving already, and he's still around. I love him so much - it hurts more now than it did when he was first diagnosed. It's like having razors blades in my chest, and a heavy weight on my ribcage. I do have another cat, Trixie, and thankfully she is strong and healthy and I'm grateful for that. But I'm in so much pain knowing that Macca's time is coming.

I'd be so grateful if anyone could offer any advice, or just words of comfort.

[maccasmum]

Thanks again to everyone who has replied and shared their experiences and offered advice and support.

I have reached a decision that I think the time has come for Macca. His eyes have now lost their sparkle and it feels like he's given up. Also he's starting to lose interest in his food, and he looks so sad. If he could, I think he would weep. My heart is breaking and I'm plucking up the courage to call the vets today and make the appointment. I've decided I want to be with him when the vet puts him to sleep but that's as far as I've got with my thoughts. I keep trying to prepare myself for the reality of what's going to happen - that I will see him pass on to the next world (please let there be a next world!) and that he won't be in my home or in my arms ever again, but my mind just shuts down and won't let me think those thoughts. I'm so scared - I'm scared for him, and I'm scared for me. I would so appreciate any thoughts or experiences people feel they can share. I never, ever thought this day would come, although I was always afraid of it.

Bobbi - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Thanks for adding your words. You are an inspiration in the way you were able to be with your baby at the end and show so much love at such a painful time. I'm hoping I can be the same with Macca.

Thanks to Furkidlets' Mom for your thoughts too and for the Quality of Life info. It certainly helped me to seal the decision in my mind. I'm sorry for what you went through, but your perspective really helped to calm my thoughts.

Karen - I am so sorry about Casey. It's comforting to know my pain will ease one day.