Am I Saying Goodbye? Options

[ma2squirrel]

I have found myself in the position of having to take my sweet little poodle Squirrel to the vet tomorrow, and scared because of what the answer may be. I have been the guardian of this sweet sweet doggie for 11 1/2 years. We were told he was 3 or 4 when we rescued him, which would make him 14 1/2 or 15 1/2 now. He has become trembly and his spine is arched in the shape of an "n", he is whimpering and deaf and blind, I have been finding blood on his bedding. I'm afraid we are at the end....I have known this time was coming for awhile, but now that I think it is here, I am berating myself for even thinking it.

I called the vet today, and spoke with the nurse. She encouraged me to wait until tomorrow to bring him in, but let me know that it is likely that I will be told that we may want to put an end to his suffering. Is he really suffering, I ask myself. His eyes are bright and he licks my hand. My heart is telling me the answer I don't want to hear.

My husband and I sat down with our son this evening and talked to him about Squirrel, and how to say goodbye. My son is 5 1/2 and didn't seem to comprehend at first. Then he began sobbing, and bargaining with God to not take his best friend. He told me that his heart will break into pieces, and I know exactly how he feels. I felt horrible putting him through this, but know that it would be much worse if he didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye. I think this kind of closure can have a lifelong impact.

This sweet puppy was my life for so long, my little baby. And then my son was born and I feel that I put my sweet doggie in the back seat. He was no longer my baby. I feel incredible guilt for that. I feel like I was a horrible mommy to him, that I could have played with him more then I did, or given him more treats, or or or....Is this a normal feeling? Why do I feel such remorse for what I didn't do?

I hope this makes sense. If nothing else, it helps to put it into writing. Please say a little prayer for us.

[deedee]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You rescued your good friend, provided him with love and comfort. The guilt serves no valuable purpose in the process. My thoughts are with you during this tough time.