I have found myself in the position of having to take my sweet little poodle Squirrel to the vet tomorrow, and scared because of what the answer may be. I have been the guardian of this sweet sweet doggie for 11 1/2 years. We were told he was 3 or 4 when we rescued him, which would make him 14 1/2 or 15 1/2 now. He has become trembly and his spine is arched in the shape of an "n", he is whimpering and deaf and blind, I have been finding blood on his bedding. I'm afraid we are at the end....I have known this time was coming for awhile, but now that I think it is here, I am berating myself for even thinking it.

I called the vet today, and spoke with the nurse. She encouraged me to wait until tomorrow to bring him in, but let me know that it is likely that I will be told that we may want to put an end to his suffering. Is he really suffering, I ask myself. His eyes are bright and he licks my hand. My heart is telling me the answer I don't want to hear.

My husband and I sat down with our son this evening and talked to him about Squirrel, and how to say goodbye. My son is 5 1/2 and didn't seem to comprehend at first. Then he began sobbing, and bargaining with God to not take his best friend. He told me that his heart will break into pieces, and I know exactly how he feels. I felt horrible putting him through this, but know that it would be much worse if he didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye. I think this kind of closure can have a lifelong impact.

This sweet puppy was my life for so long, my little baby. And then my son was born and I feel that I put my sweet doggie in the back seat. He was no longer my baby. I feel incredible guilt for that. I feel like I was a horrible mommy to him, that I could have played with him more then I did, or given him more treats, or or or....Is this a normal feeling? Why do I feel such remorse for what I didn't do?

I hope this makes sense. If nothing else, it helps to put it into writing. Please say a little prayer for us.

For what it is worth I think you did the right thing by your son. Letting him say goodbye to Squirrel is as important to him as it is for you to say goodbye. My prayers are with you, your family, and Squirrel. Please let us know what happens and if it is time for Squirrel to go to the bridge I will ask my Snoops to watch out for him.

Hugs,
Beth

Hi Squirrel's mom,
I am so sorry to hear about Squirrel. Everything you are feeling is totally normal. I'm sure he knows how much you love him, and I know you have his best interests at heart. It sounds as though he really isn't feeling well. My little Yorkie Poo had bad arthritis, a bad tooth, and a heart murmur when I made her "appointment" and took her six months and one week ago today (April 19). They are so brave, these little guys, and they do try not to show their pain.

Has Squirrel been on any meds? I didn't know at the time that there were all sorts of treatments for arthritis. Also, the blood may be from a bad tooth too. Hannah had a very severe heart murmur, and I decided not to put her through the surgery for the teeth, etc., because I was so afraid she would just get sicker and then not make it or that she wouldn't make it through the surgery. I still wonder if I did the right thing, and I don't think I'll ever know for sure. Sometimes I still think I did it too soon, but then other times, I wonder if I let her suffer. Hannah was almost 16 -- she would have been 16 on July 22.

I also think that a couple of the vets I took her to didn't really look at her as closely as they might have because she was old and didn't offer any help other than Rimidyl for the arthritis and antibiotics for the teeth, and the surgery for the tooth. I found out later that there are shots for the arthritis and alternative medicine too. The heart murmur could have been treated as well, but the vet who did put her to sleep said there were no guarantees that anything would have helped, and that just the stress of coming to the vets and the treatments could kill her.

Hannah did that trembling too, but she would do it sometimes before she got sick too. She used to tremble like a little leaf whenever we went to the vet. On one of her last few days, she was trembling, and I thought it was because she was in pain. I don't know, but I think so.

I tried to plan her last day so that it would be a good day for her, but it turned out awful for us both. My cousin drove us to the vet's, and my cousin turned out to be totally undependable, and it was just a mess. I think when you go to the vet's tomorrow, and if he says it might be time, it would be a good idea to bring Squirrel back home and spend at least one more full long good day and night with him showering him with all the love and attention and treats and the best food. Talk to Squirrel and tell him what is happening. If this does happen, please come back on and let us know before you take him. Will you stay with Squirrel when he gets the shot? Will you bring him home and bury him?

All that being said, I know how upset and sad you are. I hope and pray that the vet will have an alternative and that you will be able to keep Squirrel in your life for a longer time. Again, check out all the alternatives and you might want to get a second opinion. The guilt afterwards is all-consuming and so is the loss. Try to read the articles here regarding the loss of a pet. They will help too.
Love and prayers for your family.
Marcia

Hi Squirrels mum,

Personally I would take Squirrel to the vet straight away even if just to get some pain killers.

The punishing of ourselves is I’m afraid a very integral part of the grieving process I am coming up to nearly two years soon and still torture myself with thoughts of I could have done more or less or sooner or later.

There is some material at the top of the death and dying page in Support resources and articles, there are two right at the bottom which you may find useful with your son – stories for children and Helping your family cope when a pet dies.

I know this is a terrible time, I have been there and you will go into auto pilot when the time is needed and do what your heart tells you must be done.

I wish you and your family well

Love Sue

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You rescued your good friend, provided him with love and comfort. The guilt serves no valuable purpose in the process. My thoughts are with you during this tough time.

Hi ma2squirrel,

I think everything you are feeling is normal, I think we have all felt the same things. I just lost my 11 1/2 year old Jake to a seizure, well, probably a brain tumor or an aneurysm which caused the seizure really -- and I did all I could for him his last week of life. Yet still I find myself feeling terrible because I didn't cut his toenails often enough nor comb him often enough in his lifetime -- he hated both, so I spoiled him and didn't do it as much as I should have. Kind of a stupid thing to feel guilty about, isn't it? but it tortures me!! I try to remember that I gave him long walks in the foothills here by the creek every single day, and that is what he truly loved.

I also have a 16 year old cattle dog who has bad arthritis and teeth too, our vet said even to clean her teeth is too much of a risk at this point.. so we are just giving her Rymadil and trying to keep her comfortable long as we can.

I agree with what SJ said, when the time comes you just go on autopilot and do what has to be done.
In the meantime, just give Squirrel alot of attention and the best days you can.
That's all you can do. ((hugs))