Guilt Euthanasia Options

[Lucyd]

Hi

First time I have posted although I joined the forum the day before we put our beloved alaskan malamute Lucky to sleep. Having trouble dealing with the decision and thought maybe if I wrote about it - it may help.

In July, Lucky had some stomach problems and we took him to the vet. After some basic tests they thought Lucky could have Pancreatitis or insuffiency. He was put on a special digestive enyzeme and general antibiotics and we started cooking for him (chicken and rice). After a few weeks he seemed better. Although the vet did say he wasn't sure he didn't have a tumor the test results could go either way. For three months we stayed with this course and he seemed okay - once we tried a couple of days off the antibiotics but his upset stomach came back. In the end of Oct - we noticed he had eye problems as well - light bothered him - squinting and pawing at his eyes. We decided we needed a specialist and we got our vet to make us an appointment - about a three hour drive away (one way). So we went and they did an ultrasound and found a large tumor - touching some organs. They suggested either surgery - outcome only 50/50 or euthanasia. Needless to say we were horribly upset and decided to take him home and probably go with euthanasia as the surgery didn't sound any better. I managed to ask about the eyes and they did a quick look (by now it was after 5pm) and said he had dry eyes and gave us some ointment.

We came home and tried the ointment but had a horrible time with it. Lucky would cry and hide when we tried to apply. We talked to our vet here but he didn't have the same kind in a drop but suggested we try a drugstore polysporin drop - which we did. We lasted about 10 days until his eyes were horrible and putting the drops in would cause tremors. We finally decided late in Nov to stop his pain.

Now for some reason the guilt is driving me nuts. Did we put him to sleep at the right time for the right reasons?? I know he had a tumor and wouldn't get better but the antibiotic made the stomach issue managable - but the eyes I couldn't take. Could we have done more about the eyes? Does it sound like a tumor that spread into his brain (blindness, pain and tremors?) I feel like the vet stopped once they found the stomach tumor and that we really euthanized him because of his eyes. Did we do enough??? The guilt is horrible and with Christmas coming it is so painful without him........

I don't blame the vets - the tests are horrible and what was the point? We know his stomach issues would come back- but I just feel like we did this too soon. If we could have kept the eyes comfortable we may have been able to keep him a little longer. He still was enjoying his walks, his people and his food - but I couldn't keep giving him tremors with the eye drops. Do you ever get to the point where you feel like you did all you could and the 'right' thing?

[Jon730]

Now for some reason the guilt is driving me nuts. Did we put him to sleep at the right time for the right reasons?? I know he had a tumor and wouldn't get better but the antibiotic made the stomach issue managable - but the eyes I couldn't take. Could we have done more about the eyes? Does it sound like a tumor that spread into his brain (blindness, pain and tremors?)

I think we all go through it every time. Last year, the last time, I asked a different question that helped me a lot, and once in a while I brng it up..

"Did I keep him/her alive too long for the wrong reasons?
Was it because I was selfish for every minute, and did not want to say Goodbye yet, even though they were suffering?"

Remember that in Nature, a sick suffering animal is prey. This is why they never tell us how badly off they are, but struggle to appear healthy and normal.
Our dog Matilda, a little Aussie terrier, was dying of liver cancer. We did not know it at the time. She still insisted on having sticks thrown, and being taken on walks...even though she had to lay and rest. My CatWife, Miles, did the same thing, and purred right up to the end...And later I learned that purring can sometimes mean distress. Perhaps I should have sent her home even sooner?
I'll never know, but intend to ask her someday at the Bridge.