Coping With A Sudden Loss :( Options

[pappy's_mama]

I'm new here and I just needed to vent a little. Forgive me if it's a little long.



In April 2006, my husband gave me a kitten for our first wedding anniversary. Since the traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper, we name our new kitty Papyrus, (Pappy for short). We was just 6 weeks old when we brought him home. We had to teach him to drink water out of his bowl. He loved making bread on his Papa's belly, drinking water out of our bathroom sink and shower, sleeping between our pillows, and chasing our other kitty around the house.



Pappy died suddenly last Friday. And I do mean suddenly. He wasn't even 3 years old. He never showed one single sign of any illness. He appeared 100% healthy and happy right up until the minute that he started to die. That morning, we both petted and hugged him and gave him water from our sink. I had no idea that it would be my last morning with him. I left for work and everything was fine. I came home for lunch to find my husband crying and at a loss for words. He explained to me that Pappy came into his office and meowed at him as usual. Pappy peeked over the top of his desk. My husband called him to jump up, which he would normally do at that point. Instead, my husband heard a sound like Pappy tripped or something. He tumbled backwards and tensed up really hard, (even his tail was curled up). He shook for a few seconds, then went limp and stopped breathing. My poor husband felt so helpless. He tried CPR, (without compressions because he didn't know how to do so on a cat), but it was no use. Pappy died before his eyes. Happy and playful one second, dying on the carpet the next. He left him there so that I could see him and say goodbye. We decided at the time not to do an autopsy, bascially because we couldn't stand the idea of someone messing with his little body. We just wanted him to rest in piece. Not knowing has been hard though. I can't describe how horrible this feels. He was JUST here and he was fine! I fully expected to walk in and see him standing there. He always ran up to greet me at the door. Instead I came in to find that he had died. He was such a social cat and often acted like a dog. He was so involved in everything that we did everyday. Now everything feels empty, sad and pointless. I can't imagine ever getting over this. I know that I have to, but I don't WANT to let him go. He's my little baby. How could I just get over him? I hope that it didn't hurt too much and that it wasn't our fault in some way.



They say that only people go to heaven. Anyone that has ever had a pet and has grown to know and love them could never believe that they don't have a soul. I hope that Pappy is happy, running through the greenest grass, chasing mice with the warm sun shining on him. I hope he knows how much he was loved and how badly we miss him.



Thanks for listening. God bless everyone else that is dealing with a loss.





Pappy at 6 months.





Pappy earlier this year

[Missing Fleetwoo...]

Your right, we all do know and understand the pain you and your husband are going through at this time. Today for some reason has been really hard for me and it has been 10 months since I lost my Fleetwood, but this morning while driving into work I remembered a picture I found on my camera of Fleetwood asleep in a box for boots that I got last Christmas. The memory of that has haunted me since and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I cried most of the way to work and even had to excuse myself from a conference call because I was about to cry on the phone again.

Let your husband know that think about all of the “what ifs” will only make it harder because we can never answer the “what ifs”. I spent a great deal of time after Fleetwood died going through the ifs, “what if we hadn’t gone to San Francisco” “What if something was wrong before I left and didn’t notice it?” Too many “what ifs” to name! I was a mess and spent a good amount of my time beating myself up and blaming myself for his death. I had to finally tell myself that I had no control over the situation (I’m some what of a control freak some times) and that for whatever reason, Fleetwood had a better place to be so he could look out for me better.

Your husband finding the help screens on his computer were a definite sign that Pappy came to visit and check in on everybody. He was just letting you know he’s still around. Our Corinna changed after Fleetwood died. She never cried before and after Fleetwood was gone she cried all the time. She would hear a noise and look for him down the hall. Her whole personality changed. Then one Saturday night after we went to bed, she suddenly jumped of the bed and started running through the whole house, just like her and Fleetwood would do some times at night. I even heard her bang into the closet door which she never did, but Fleetwood would. Then something really special happened that night. I heard purring by my ear, but it wasn’t Corinna’s purring it sounded like Fleetwood! I sat up and realized Corinna wasn’t even on the bed, she was in the hall. I knew then that Fleetwood came for a visit. After that evening Corinna started acting like her old self again. He has even come back a couple of more times to play with his sister.

I know losing a fur baby right at the holidays is horrible, just hold on to your wonderful memories of Pappy and know that on Christmas morning even though you physically cannot see him, he is there with you to share the warmth of the holiday. And he will always be there with you when you need it most, in your heart bringing you comfort when you need it most.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

[pappy's_mama]

Today for some reason has been really hard for me and it has been 10 months since I lost my Fleetwood, but this morning while driving into work I remembered a picture I found on my camera of Fleetwood asleep in a box for boots that I got last Christmas. The memory of that has haunted me since and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I cried most of the way to work and even had to excuse myself from a conference call because I was about to cry on the phone again.

I'm so sorry that you're having a hard day. I think it's bound to happen now and then for a while. It's so cute that Fleetwood purred in your ear. What a sweet way for him to show that he was there with you! I can't even imagine learning of a pet's death while on vacation.



We noticed last night that our kitty was running around and stuff, like she used to do with Pappy when he was alive. She was acting like she was playing with him again. I found Pappy's Christmas stocking when I was pulling out the decorations the other day. That was really hard. We never put up our tree when he was around because we were afraid that he'd eat it . He was always chewing on stuff and we didn't want him to get hurt. I went ahead and put up the tree last week, after he died. I bet he would really like it