I'm new here and I just needed to vent a little. Forgive me if it's a little long.



In April 2006, my husband gave me a kitten for our first wedding anniversary. Since the traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper, we name our new kitty Papyrus, (Pappy for short). We was just 6 weeks old when we brought him home. We had to teach him to drink water out of his bowl. He loved making bread on his Papa's belly, drinking water out of our bathroom sink and shower, sleeping between our pillows, and chasing our other kitty around the house.



Pappy died suddenly last Friday. And I do mean suddenly. He wasn't even 3 years old. He never showed one single sign of any illness. He appeared 100% healthy and happy right up until the minute that he started to die. That morning, we both petted and hugged him and gave him water from our sink. I had no idea that it would be my last morning with him. I left for work and everything was fine. I came home for lunch to find my husband crying and at a loss for words. He explained to me that Pappy came into his office and meowed at him as usual. Pappy peeked over the top of his desk. My husband called him to jump up, which he would normally do at that point. Instead, my husband heard a sound like Pappy tripped or something. He tumbled backwards and tensed up really hard, (even his tail was curled up). He shook for a few seconds, then went limp and stopped breathing. My poor husband felt so helpless. He tried CPR, (without compressions because he didn't know how to do so on a cat), but it was no use. Pappy died before his eyes. Happy and playful one second, dying on the carpet the next. He left him there so that I could see him and say goodbye. We decided at the time not to do an autopsy, bascially because we couldn't stand the idea of someone messing with his little body. We just wanted him to rest in piece. Not knowing has been hard though. I can't describe how horrible this feels. He was JUST here and he was fine! I fully expected to walk in and see him standing there. He always ran up to greet me at the door. Instead I came in to find that he had died. He was such a social cat and often acted like a dog. He was so involved in everything that we did everyday. Now everything feels empty, sad and pointless. I can't imagine ever getting over this. I know that I have to, but I don't WANT to let him go. He's my little baby. How could I just get over him? I hope that it didn't hurt too much and that it wasn't our fault in some way.



They say that only people go to heaven. Anyone that has ever had a pet and has grown to know and love them could never believe that they don't have a soul. I hope that Pappy is happy, running through the greenest grass, chasing mice with the warm sun shining on him. I hope he knows how much he was loved and how badly we miss him.



Thanks for listening. God bless everyone else that is dealing with a loss.





Pappy at 6 months.





Pappy earlier this year

Oh! He looks sooo sweet and proud, am so sorry you have lost him and know your pain, God bless him up in Heaven, Jorge Click to view attachment

What a gorgeous cat!..I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. There was post here not too long ago of the same thing that happene to someone's dog. I just can't imagine. There was nothing you could have done without any warning signs. Did you ever talk with a vet afterwards to get an idea? Heart attack, perhaps?.. The emptiness is so hard. I've been struggling with mine for a while now. When you feel up to it, post some stories, we'd love to hear it and hopefully it will help you heal.. Many Hugs. . Ann

My sincerest sympathy to you and your husband over the loss of your Pappy.
Words offer very little.

You are not alone in your heartache and feelings of emptiness and despair. I too still don't want to let go or do much else.

Wendi.

Thanks to everyone for your comments. It really does help just to talk to others that know exactly how it feels.

No, we never did talk to a vet afterwards. We were so upset that we didn't really think it through, I guess. I think I'll ask some questions about it next time we take out other kitty in though, just to see if it sounds like anything specific. It's almost been a week now and it's still hard. It's gotten slightly easier. I'm slowly, (very slowly), moving from the frantic crying stage to being able to smile when I remember little moments with him. I don't want to get over him in a way, but I also don't want to remember him with tears. He was such a joy in our lives and he deserves to be remembered with a positive feeling. I don't want his memory to bring us sadness, that just dosen't seem right. Hopefully we'll get to a place soon where we smile more than we cry for him. I think one of my favorite memories is how he would run into the bathroom when someone was taking a shower. He would sit between the shower curtain and the shower liner and poke his furry little head through just enough to drink the water. His head would get so soaked, but he didn't mind. It was the most adorable thing!

All of your pets are so beautiful! I love seeing photos Thanks again for the kind words. It really does help.

I am so sorry to hear about Pappy. The pictures you posted show just how beautiful he is.

There is something different when it is so sudden, especially when there is no warning. It is total shock and so one is hit with shock and grief at the same time. Very very overwhelming.

When I took my boy to the ER, what happened was a total shock that day but I took him expecting to bring him home but it was not to be. For his sake, I had to allow him to go peacefully immediately. After 16 1/2 years that was harder than I can remember..even though every time is difficult.

You need time to adjust to the suddenness. Just know that here you are not alone. The intense frustration and pain you are feeling....is a part of our lives also. It does all take time for the pain to lessen but at times you think it will take forever because it hurts so much and this feeling is every day. Sometimes crying helps, sometimes it doesn't. We just try to take everything one day at a time and think of what might help us feel better to do.

I understand what you felt about an autopsy cause I couldn't bring myself to do that with my boy, Little Guy, just for the same reasons. I knew from x-rays he could hardly breathe due to pleural effusion that came on suddenly but even though I wanted to know if as the vets thought..it must be cancer...I couldn't ask for an autopsy on him. Sometimes one can do that and there still is no answer.

I am so sorry to hear what happen..what your husband went through trying to help Pappy. That story just tears at the heart. And then for you to come home and learn about it all. That is a lot of pain for both of you.

Come here anytime and write your thoughts and feelings...sometimes a lot of venting helps.
Know that we here know that pain very well and find that sharing the pain sometimes truly makes one feel not alone. I know you miss that baby every single day and it is still unreal that he is not there. Post more pictures and tell more stories whenever it helps you to do so.

I wish you peace and healing..for you and your husband.
Pappy is now a part of both your hearts and being there...he can never be truly gone.

Hugs to help heal the pain.

Judy

What a beautiful picture of Pappy. Your story really grabbed my heart as I am the new owner of a kitten, now going on 12 weeks. I can only imagine not only the pain you are going through, but the frustration and confusion as to what could have happened to your baby.

It sounded that he had a very pampered and loved life. Even though it was 3 short years, I'm sure it was heaven for sweet pappy. I'm very sorry for you and your husband as I know I'm still adjusting to living without my Candy. Even though I have new fur babies, I will forever miss her.

Please take care of yourself and your husband and know we understand what you are going through. We are hurting with you.

God bless.

Candy's Dad
Hal

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it can be not knowing exactly what happened as we went through something similar earlier this year with our 9 year old Fleetwood. We took a short trip to San Francisco for a few days with friends and on the second day there our friend that was taking care of the cats called to tell us Fleetwood had died. To this day we do not know what happened and that is the hardest to accept.

Please know the pain does get better and you have to hang on to those happy memories because that's what he would have wanted. Just know every now and then you might think you see him running down a hall or around a coner. It's just your little guy checking in on you to make sure you are doing OK.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

Thanks for all of the comforting thoughts. It's hard as the holidays are passing by and I just have this heavy heart. I do ok for most of the day, even though I think about it constantly. Every once in a while it hits me pretty hard. Life all around just feels cold right now. I'm sure that most of you know this feeling. My poor husband is going through the "what ifs", etc. He's so scared that he messed up or didn't do something that he should have done.



Something interesting happened just the other day. When Pappy was alive, he used to sit on my husband's desk at home. He was so big and he would stretch way out, pushing everything out of his way. Sometimes his bottom would accidently press the F1 key on my husband's keyboard, opening up a dozen internet help windows at a time. My husband came home the other day, sat down at his desk, turned on his monitor to find 15 or so help windows open . We do have another cat, but she never really bothers with messing around on his desk. My husband isn't all that spiritual, but he didn't know what to think of it. I think it was some kind of sign. Maybe to say that Pappy's ok or for my husband not to feel guilty...who knows. Maybe it's just that we WANT it to be a sign. I just want to know that he is out there somewhere, in peace.



It's tough to stop guessing at what happened to him. We're thinking maybe it was a heart attack or an aneurysm. Our other kitty has been acting strange since Pappy died. I think she really misses him. She's been crying out a lot and looking around for him. I guess even she feels the loss.

Your right, we all do know and understand the pain you and your husband are going through at this time. Today for some reason has been really hard for me and it has been 10 months since I lost my Fleetwood, but this morning while driving into work I remembered a picture I found on my camera of Fleetwood asleep in a box for boots that I got last Christmas. The memory of that has haunted me since and I can’t seem to get it out of my mind. I cried most of the way to work and even had to excuse myself from a conference call because I was about to cry on the phone again.

Let your husband know that think about all of the “what ifs” will only make it harder because we can never answer the “what ifs”. I spent a great deal of time after Fleetwood died going through the ifs, “what if we hadn’t gone to San Francisco” “What if something was wrong before I left and didn’t notice it?” Too many “what ifs” to name! I was a mess and spent a good amount of my time beating myself up and blaming myself for his death. I had to finally tell myself that I had no control over the situation (I’m some what of a control freak some times) and that for whatever reason, Fleetwood had a better place to be so he could look out for me better.

Your husband finding the help screens on his computer were a definite sign that Pappy came to visit and check in on everybody. He was just letting you know he’s still around. Our Corinna changed after Fleetwood died. She never cried before and after Fleetwood was gone she cried all the time. She would hear a noise and look for him down the hall. Her whole personality changed. Then one Saturday night after we went to bed, she suddenly jumped of the bed and started running through the whole house, just like her and Fleetwood would do some times at night. I even heard her bang into the closet door which she never did, but Fleetwood would. Then something really special happened that night. I heard purring by my ear, but it wasn’t Corinna’s purring it sounded like Fleetwood! I sat up and realized Corinna wasn’t even on the bed, she was in the hall. I knew then that Fleetwood came for a visit. After that evening Corinna started acting like her old self again. He has even come back a couple of more times to play with his sister.

I know losing a fur baby right at the holidays is horrible, just hold on to your wonderful memories of Pappy and know that on Christmas morning even though you physically cannot see him, he is there with you to share the warmth of the holiday. And he will always be there with you when you need it most, in your heart bringing you comfort when you need it most.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

I'm so sorry that you're having a hard day. I think it's bound to happen now and then for a while. It's so cute that Fleetwood purred in your ear. What a sweet way for him to show that he was there with you! I can't even imagine learning of a pet's death while on vacation.



We noticed last night that our kitty was running around and stuff, like she used to do with Pappy when he was alive. She was acting like she was playing with him again. I found Pappy's Christmas stocking when I was pulling out the decorations the other day. That was really hard. We never put up our tree when he was around because we were afraid that he'd eat it . He was always chewing on stuff and we didn't want him to get hurt. I went ahead and put up the tree last week, after he died. I bet he would really like it