Coping With A Sudden Loss :( Options

[pappy's_mama]

I'm new here and I just needed to vent a little. Forgive me if it's a little long.



In April 2006, my husband gave me a kitten for our first wedding anniversary. Since the traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper, we name our new kitty Papyrus, (Pappy for short). We was just 6 weeks old when we brought him home. We had to teach him to drink water out of his bowl. He loved making bread on his Papa's belly, drinking water out of our bathroom sink and shower, sleeping between our pillows, and chasing our other kitty around the house.



Pappy died suddenly last Friday. And I do mean suddenly. He wasn't even 3 years old. He never showed one single sign of any illness. He appeared 100% healthy and happy right up until the minute that he started to die. That morning, we both petted and hugged him and gave him water from our sink. I had no idea that it would be my last morning with him. I left for work and everything was fine. I came home for lunch to find my husband crying and at a loss for words. He explained to me that Pappy came into his office and meowed at him as usual. Pappy peeked over the top of his desk. My husband called him to jump up, which he would normally do at that point. Instead, my husband heard a sound like Pappy tripped or something. He tumbled backwards and tensed up really hard, (even his tail was curled up). He shook for a few seconds, then went limp and stopped breathing. My poor husband felt so helpless. He tried CPR, (without compressions because he didn't know how to do so on a cat), but it was no use. Pappy died before his eyes. Happy and playful one second, dying on the carpet the next. He left him there so that I could see him and say goodbye. We decided at the time not to do an autopsy, bascially because we couldn't stand the idea of someone messing with his little body. We just wanted him to rest in piece. Not knowing has been hard though. I can't describe how horrible this feels. He was JUST here and he was fine! I fully expected to walk in and see him standing there. He always ran up to greet me at the door. Instead I came in to find that he had died. He was such a social cat and often acted like a dog. He was so involved in everything that we did everyday. Now everything feels empty, sad and pointless. I can't imagine ever getting over this. I know that I have to, but I don't WANT to let him go. He's my little baby. How could I just get over him? I hope that it didn't hurt too much and that it wasn't our fault in some way.



They say that only people go to heaven. Anyone that has ever had a pet and has grown to know and love them could never believe that they don't have a soul. I hope that Pappy is happy, running through the greenest grass, chasing mice with the warm sun shining on him. I hope he knows how much he was loved and how badly we miss him.



Thanks for listening. God bless everyone else that is dealing with a loss.





Pappy at 6 months.





Pappy earlier this year

[Missing Fleetwoo...]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it can be not knowing exactly what happened as we went through something similar earlier this year with our 9 year old Fleetwood. We took a short trip to San Francisco for a few days with friends and on the second day there our friend that was taking care of the cats called to tell us Fleetwood had died. To this day we do not know what happened and that is the hardest to accept.

Please know the pain does get better and you have to hang on to those happy memories because that's what he would have wanted. Just know every now and then you might think you see him running down a hall or around a coner. It's just your little guy checking in on you to make sure you are doing OK.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

[pappy's_mama]

Thanks for all of the comforting thoughts. It's hard as the holidays are passing by and I just have this heavy heart. I do ok for most of the day, even though I think about it constantly. Every once in a while it hits me pretty hard. Life all around just feels cold right now. I'm sure that most of you know this feeling. My poor husband is going through the "what ifs", etc. He's so scared that he messed up or didn't do something that he should have done.



Something interesting happened just the other day. When Pappy was alive, he used to sit on my husband's desk at home. He was so big and he would stretch way out, pushing everything out of his way. Sometimes his bottom would accidently press the F1 key on my husband's keyboard, opening up a dozen internet help windows at a time. My husband came home the other day, sat down at his desk, turned on his monitor to find 15 or so help windows open . We do have another cat, but she never really bothers with messing around on his desk. My husband isn't all that spiritual, but he didn't know what to think of it. I think it was some kind of sign. Maybe to say that Pappy's ok or for my husband not to feel guilty...who knows. Maybe it's just that we WANT it to be a sign. I just want to know that he is out there somewhere, in peace.



It's tough to stop guessing at what happened to him. We're thinking maybe it was a heart attack or an aneurysm. Our other kitty has been acting strange since Pappy died. I think she really misses him. She's been crying out a lot and looking around for him. I guess even she feels the loss.