Anyone Ever Delayed Vet Care And Then Lost Their Pet? Guilt Is Horribl Options

[hope2heal]

I had to put my dog to sleep in July and I am overwhelmed with guilt, for NOT FOLLOWING UP after my dog continued to show symptoms. We only had her for 2 1/2 years. She was a rescue dog, approx. 7 yrs old. In mid-spring she seemed hesitant in urinating (I thought it was maybe because we had lots of rain--which she hated--and foxes coming in the yard marking territory--she would pee faster when I took her out front); then drinking seemed a little less. I took her to the vet and she tested negative for a UTI (she was on immunosuppressant drugs to keep an auto immune illness in check; had had 2 UTIs before). Vet just said urine was highly alkaline and had crystals. I asked if that could be from diet he said sometimes; gave no recommendations. I was always catching grief from spouse re: vet bills; I know that had some influence in my not looking further into this. My gut kept telling me something was not right but I kept dismissing it. I was always on top of things for her EVERY other time, but currently feeling quite a strain in my marriage. It sickens me now, after doing research I believe she may have had kidney stones or some blockage, and slowly became toxic and organs shut down. Here I was planning to finally take her back in to the vet the week following July 4th but she suddenly crashed. Hospital gave diagnosis of Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia (she had become anemic, but I wonder if it's because her liver probably shut down. Hospital didn't check her liver numbers so I'll never know for sure I suppose). (I was so upset at hospital I didn't remember to tell them about peeing symptom.)

I feel like no one here has or would do such a horrible thing. I feel I let my dog down, that I LET HER DIE! HOW could I DO such a thing? Why didn't I research her symptoms more? Here I am now, doing it AFTER she's gone. I always knew that kidney failure was excessive drinking and urinating, so that was another factor in my dismissing it. BUT I do remember having the thought before of Could there be a blockage? and I apparently DISMISSED IT! My dog was having symptoms for WEEKS and I tried to explain it away to myself, Well she's drinking less, so there's less pee...BLAH BLAH BLAH. I can't understand why I did that. I would never have intentionally hurt her, yet I feel like I just let her go. I had an uncertain feeling, but didn't follow through. I can't get past this. I'm attending a Pet Loss Support group which I've found to be somewhat helpful. Have made a couple friends there who are very kind but I sometimes wonder if they must think I'm just an awful person.

It hurts so much to see my dog's photos; she always looked so human. I see her face looking at me and feel I let her down so badly. I can't have her back now. How could I let her slip away?

[ann]

Hi Hope2heal, I hear your cries for help here and I want so much for you to be at peace with this. I hope you will get the answers from the vet your looking for. I still think I made the wrong choice. I didn't ask enough, or any for that matter, questions. I never got a second opinion. I only went by her words "I don't think surgery will help him". What does that mean?? I don't THINK. And now its all these whys. Hon, your guilty is perfectly natural. You didn't neglect her. I've had other pets in the past. And when something happened or was wrong with them, I looked upon it as a learning experience for the next time around. (there will be another dog in your life). I was able to do things with Arthur I wasn't able to with the others. And in the future I will do things differently that I didn't do with him, and so. It doesn't lessen the pain of today, but it will help us become better care givers. That article you found could have been a sign from her letting you know she was seriously ill and there wasn't anything anyone could have done to help her, but let her go. Everyday think and concentrate on something she did to make you smile. (by the way, I haven't listened to music in months either I did go to 2 concerts and were miserable at them both)I know it's impossible to let the guilt go completely, but you, me and others here have to little by little push it away and bring in the good memories. It does get better in time. Soon you'll be looking at her pictures and smiling at other dogs. You'll see.. Lots of hugs.. Ann