Elliott Is Gone And I Am Bereft......., I need some words of encouragement...hurting...hurting.. Options

[Mikki]

Hi people,

It is so good to know that there are so many kind animal lovers out there.
Yesterday we had to put our wild-eyed, grey, one-step-from-the-wild "Elliott bin Laden, Terrorist Cat" to sleep due to chronic kidney failure. I am in so much pain that I feel like I don't even want to go on. My husband and I have no children so our cats, dogs and birds are our 'babies'. Elliott was probably the most unique character I've ever had in a pet: clever, mischievious, deeply affectionate, and omnipresent in our home. I can't go anywhere in the house without running into a reminder of him, and behaviors that once annoyed me are now looked back upon wistfully.
I want him back. I don't want him to be dead.
He always wanted to be where the humans were, the center of activity.
When I am in the bathroom I am reminded how many times I caught him splaching in the toilet. In the kitchen I realize I no longer have to put half empty glasses in the sink because if I don't he will knock them over. On the screened-in porch his footprints are everywhere......In the spare room there is still a little 'nest' in my pile of dirtly clothes that I need to wash; his last resting place. I am utterly, woefully, inconsolable. This was unexpected, he wes only 10! We always thought that he would live a long, long time because he was so energetic and large and lean and healthy. I ache, I ache, I ache. I can't get away from it. This is too painful, much too painful.
I struggle to believe in god, I always have and yet, if I don't think that his spirit lives on somewhere in the universe then I'll go nuts. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart right now that I can't plug. I miss him terribly and the worst part is, I know it will go on for a long time, that the only way it will heal is through time and that is something that I can hardly stand.

so, I would welcome any words of encouragement or support, any words of wisdom, any advice you have for getting through this. I didn't want to go to bed last night because that was our special time. Every night he would race me upstairs to bed and then curl up under my arm......although, interestingly enough, last night Otis (our other cat) came in and curled up under my arm! He didn't stay very long, but it was almost like he knew I needed him. 2 years ago we had to put another cat to sleep (cancer), my beloved and favorite pet, Jet-boy: the Most Exquistie, Cute and Perfect Cat. That nearly killed me. He was 16 years old. I was just beginning to be able to think about him without becoming totally depressed and now Elliott is gone. It wasn't supposed to happen so soon....I'm not ready. I still need him. He didn't have a long enough life.

I'm so very, very sad.....
Thank you for listening,
Mikki

[havana]

So sorry you have to feel the same way as us for the loss of Sweet Elliott and for that am deeply sorry, I know there are no words to make feel better but please you can come to us and talk as much as you want and need 'cause I know it helps a lot to get it out of our chests, believe me I know that well and I am glad that I was able to find this site to at least talk about it and they listen they do and as much as you want and need. again so sorry, God Bless you, your family and most of all Sweet Elliott up in Heaven, always here, Jorge

[Mikki]

So sorry you have to feel the same way as us for the loss of Sweet Elliott and for that am deeply sorry, I know there are no words to make feel better but please you can come to us and talk as much as you want and need 'cause I know it helps a lot to get it out of our chests, believe me I know that well and I am glad that I was able to find this site to at least talk about it and they listen they do and as much as you want and need. again so sorry, God Bless you, your family and most of all Sweet Elliott up in Heaven, always here, Jorge

Thank you Jorge for your kind words---do you have kitty cats, also? I like to think of Elliott in heaven so thank you for putting that image in my mind. I really need it right now.
xoxoxo,
Mikki