Elliott Is Gone And I Am Bereft......., I need some words of encouragement...hurting...hurting.. Options

[Mikki]

Hi people,

It is so good to know that there are so many kind animal lovers out there.
Yesterday we had to put our wild-eyed, grey, one-step-from-the-wild "Elliott bin Laden, Terrorist Cat" to sleep due to chronic kidney failure. I am in so much pain that I feel like I don't even want to go on. My husband and I have no children so our cats, dogs and birds are our 'babies'. Elliott was probably the most unique character I've ever had in a pet: clever, mischievious, deeply affectionate, and omnipresent in our home. I can't go anywhere in the house without running into a reminder of him, and behaviors that once annoyed me are now looked back upon wistfully.
I want him back. I don't want him to be dead.
He always wanted to be where the humans were, the center of activity.
When I am in the bathroom I am reminded how many times I caught him splaching in the toilet. In the kitchen I realize I no longer have to put half empty glasses in the sink because if I don't he will knock them over. On the screened-in porch his footprints are everywhere......In the spare room there is still a little 'nest' in my pile of dirtly clothes that I need to wash; his last resting place. I am utterly, woefully, inconsolable. This was unexpected, he wes only 10! We always thought that he would live a long, long time because he was so energetic and large and lean and healthy. I ache, I ache, I ache. I can't get away from it. This is too painful, much too painful.
I struggle to believe in god, I always have and yet, if I don't think that his spirit lives on somewhere in the universe then I'll go nuts. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart right now that I can't plug. I miss him terribly and the worst part is, I know it will go on for a long time, that the only way it will heal is through time and that is something that I can hardly stand.

so, I would welcome any words of encouragement or support, any words of wisdom, any advice you have for getting through this. I didn't want to go to bed last night because that was our special time. Every night he would race me upstairs to bed and then curl up under my arm......although, interestingly enough, last night Otis (our other cat) came in and curled up under my arm! He didn't stay very long, but it was almost like he knew I needed him. 2 years ago we had to put another cat to sleep (cancer), my beloved and favorite pet, Jet-boy: the Most Exquistie, Cute and Perfect Cat. That nearly killed me. He was 16 years old. I was just beginning to be able to think about him without becoming totally depressed and now Elliott is gone. It wasn't supposed to happen so soon....I'm not ready. I still need him. He didn't have a long enough life.

I'm so very, very sad.....
Thank you for listening,
Mikki

[LoveThem]

Whatever helps you is the right thing to do. Don't feel as though you have to rush to do the old regular routines. Do what you are comfortable doing. This is the horrible time for pain. I know what you mean about age 10..my Little Guy's twin brother, Keeper, we had to let go in 2002 and he was 10 at the time...it all happened in a week's time..we didn't know he had a cancer mass filling up his chest...he hid it all so well..acting normal. My Little Guy just had to go last September after reaching 16 the previous May of that year. No matter what the age...it truly is never long enough.

I did capture cat fur from the cat brushes and keep it in a ziplock bag. It feels as soft as it did when I first put it there. It feels alive..not dried out and there is something about knowing it belonged to them that means a lot.

At first, you may want to cry a lot...I did and I did cry a lot. I gave in at the time but as the days went on..I realized it didn't make me feel better..but if I felt like doing it...I would again. Yes, it takes time to heal. You have been through it with Jet-boy..so you know and remember. It may have helped having Elliott there with you. It helped me to have one still left as I lost one but last September I lost my last one and that was very different...I couldn't take the empty house and my boy left in September 2007. I hated the holidays that year and finally the day after Christmas I wound up adopting a shelter boy who looked like my twin boys. That's what helped me...my home was not empty anymore. But it is something we all work through and one day we will ask ourselves..what do we really want...what would make us feel better (and we know it is impossible to get our babies back).....that was the time, in December, that I decided I wanted to come home and hear that meow again. It was not my boy and will never be either of my boys or their sister...but my new one looks like them and I find a sense of inner peace seeing him stretched out sleeping or playing or whatever.....just being there without pain and suffering.

Do what you need to do to get through each day. You can post here your thoughts and feelings.
You can write Elliott a note here about anything you want to say to him. Maybe you will tell some stories about life with him...like some you just did...and maybe find a photo so we can see your sweet boy. We love pictures because they are memories of happy healthy times.

Many here can relate to having no children so these special ones are truly our "children".
Here all do understand exactly how you are feeling and we all share the same pain. We
know that pain all too well and we do what we can to cope with it. Posting helps..it really does.

And your babies now being Angels are watching over you and are listening to whatever you say to them...and know too, many here are also listening...waiting to help as best we can.

Hugs.....

It is the worst of times right now. We are here with you. You are not alone.

Judy