Coping With The Ashes Options

[KayMarie]

I made my first post a few weeks ago when I lost my dog of 16 years (AKA, my whole life). Zizi died while I was away and I worked myself into a rut over it, at first. I've been steadily improving, keeping busy, but still coming to the message board, if not replying, just reading.

But since my dog's ashes came back, I've had a really bad time. I don't know if anyone else has had this problem, but my mother didn't want me to come home and see the little urn just sitting on the kitchen counter, so she put them in her closet and told me that whenever I was ready, I could take them out and she would put the ashes in the urn we had made for him.

Only I haven't been able to do it. I cleaned a spot in my room for him, next to my dresser, where he slept when he wasn't sleeping on my bed. I ordered a little keepsake chest to keep his things in like his AKC certificates, pictures, and tags. I have everything ready... but I can't take the ashes out of the closet.

I'll go in, look at the little box, then start crying. I get so upset, I can't even move. I'll sit with it there in my hands, but I can never bring myself to walk out of the closet holding that little thing and I keep thinking "He can't fit in this." I realize that's a little crazy, but I can't seem to stop myself. It distresses me so much.

My mom keeps telling me to take my time, but I feel bad about leaving him in there. It feels like I'm ignoring what's there, even though I still think about him every day.

[Gort]

Hi Kay Marie

I had Ava cremated as well. I have (had?) full intentions of sprinkling her ashes in the places she liked to be best. Most in the back yard of course but a little bit to drop in her swimming hole where we'd go swimming after a hard days work. A little for the roads and cutblocks that she used to so faithfully follow me around on while I went about my chores. But alas, I too haven't brought myself to doing it...

Ava was over 60 pounds and her ashes are about half a shoe box full if that. The thing that really surprised me was the ashes were in a nicely finished wooden box with a little plaque with 'Ava' written on it. When I got home from the vet that day, I placed the box on the floor near the front door where she used to lay and cried. I haven't moved it since. It will probably stay there for some time yet (or until I trip over it like I used to do with Ava when the lights weren't on at night). There is no panic, nothing at this point is going to change. Again, when I'm ready I will deal with it, but of course with such a nice box, I may just leave them in there. So don't worry too much about it Kay Marie, the time will come when it will be okay to handle the situation. There is no timetable for this stuff.