I made my first post a few weeks ago when I lost my dog of 16 years (AKA, my whole life). Zizi died while I was away and I worked myself into a rut over it, at first. I've been steadily improving, keeping busy, but still coming to the message board, if not replying, just reading.
But since my dog's ashes came back, I've had a really bad time. I don't know if anyone else has had this problem, but my mother didn't want me to come home and see the little urn just sitting on the kitchen counter, so she put them in her closet and told me that whenever I was ready, I could take them out and she would put the ashes in the urn we had made for him.
Only I haven't been able to do it. I cleaned a spot in my room for him, next to my dresser, where he slept when he wasn't sleeping on my bed. I ordered a little keepsake chest to keep his things in like his AKC certificates, pictures, and tags. I have everything ready... but I can't take the ashes out of the closet.
I'll go in, look at the little box, then start crying. I get so upset, I can't even move. I'll sit with it there in my hands, but I can never bring myself to walk out of the closet holding that little thing and I keep thinking "He can't fit in this." I realize that's a little crazy, but I can't seem to stop myself. It distresses me so much.
My mom keeps telling me to take my time, but I feel bad about leaving him in there. It feels like I'm ignoring what's there, even though I still think about him every day.
Full Version: Coping With The Ashes
Kaymarie its totally understandble. youre dog was youre best friend he means the world to you when you see the ashes or think about them in a way it makes it fell final once thats there you knwo hes not coming back but youre doggie hasnt gone completly he still lives there inside youre heart and he knows he means the world to you and you mean the world to him! hes body has gone but his soul lives on.
Love jaymie x
Love jaymie x
Hi Kay Marie:
I know there are many people on this site that can help you A LOT better than I can with regard to your precious
Zizi's remains.
It's also "not crazy" to think "how can my Zizi fit into this container???"
I know other posters here have thought the same thing.............
Ben and I decided "not" to get Ernestine's remains when she was put to sleep on 2/7/2004...........
Personally, of course we loved her (and still do) very, very much.........
But, we believe that She is a part of everything that makes this world beautiful.
And, she always will be........
One thing I've heard said is that you shouldn't take the ashes out of the plastic wrap that comes inside the box.....
And then you can move it to a ceramic urn........
There will be other posters who can help you better.......
You are "not ignoring what's there", because after death, I believe, we are not in "the shell" that is "left over"....
I realize that we all have individual beliefs............
None are right/wrong --- they're just personal & individual; that's all.
I am happy that you have a spot in your room for Zizi's things......
Sixteen years is a very long time to love a furbaby.......
I remember your cute picture, with you as a little one sleeping, and Zizi sleeping right next to you..........
It was the most adorable picture I've seen in a long time.
I hope in some tiny way, this has helped...
Love, Denise
I know there are many people on this site that can help you A LOT better than I can with regard to your precious
Zizi's remains.
It's also "not crazy" to think "how can my Zizi fit into this container???"
I know other posters here have thought the same thing.............
Ben and I decided "not" to get Ernestine's remains when she was put to sleep on 2/7/2004...........
Personally, of course we loved her (and still do) very, very much.........
But, we believe that She is a part of everything that makes this world beautiful.
And, she always will be........
One thing I've heard said is that you shouldn't take the ashes out of the plastic wrap that comes inside the box.....
And then you can move it to a ceramic urn........
There will be other posters who can help you better.......
You are "not ignoring what's there", because after death, I believe, we are not in "the shell" that is "left over"....
I realize that we all have individual beliefs............
None are right/wrong --- they're just personal & individual; that's all.
I am happy that you have a spot in your room for Zizi's things......
Sixteen years is a very long time to love a furbaby.......
I remember your cute picture, with you as a little one sleeping, and Zizi sleeping right next to you..........
It was the most adorable picture I've seen in a long time.
I hope in some tiny way, this has helped...
Love, Denise
Hi Kay Marie
I had Ava cremated as well. I have (had?) full intentions of sprinkling her ashes in the places she liked to be best. Most in the back yard of course but a little bit to drop in her swimming hole where we'd go swimming after a hard days work. A little for the roads and cutblocks that she used to so faithfully follow me around on while I went about my chores. But alas, I too haven't brought myself to doing it...
Ava was over 60 pounds and her ashes are about half a shoe box full if that. The thing that really surprised me was the ashes were in a nicely finished wooden box with a little plaque with 'Ava' written on it. When I got home from the vet that day, I placed the box on the floor near the front door where she used to lay and cried. I haven't moved it since. It will probably stay there for some time yet (or until I trip over it like I used to do with Ava when the lights weren't on at night). There is no panic, nothing at this point is going to change. Again, when I'm ready I will deal with it, but of course with such a nice box, I may just leave them in there. So don't worry too much about it Kay Marie, the time will come when it will be okay to handle the situation. There is no timetable for this stuff.
I had Ava cremated as well. I have (had?) full intentions of sprinkling her ashes in the places she liked to be best. Most in the back yard of course but a little bit to drop in her swimming hole where we'd go swimming after a hard days work. A little for the roads and cutblocks that she used to so faithfully follow me around on while I went about my chores. But alas, I too haven't brought myself to doing it...
Ava was over 60 pounds and her ashes are about half a shoe box full if that. The thing that really surprised me was the ashes were in a nicely finished wooden box with a little plaque with 'Ava' written on it. When I got home from the vet that day, I placed the box on the floor near the front door where she used to lay and cried. I haven't moved it since. It will probably stay there for some time yet (or until I trip over it like I used to do with Ava when the lights weren't on at night). There is no panic, nothing at this point is going to change. Again, when I'm ready I will deal with it, but of course with such a nice box, I may just leave them in there. So don't worry too much about it Kay Marie, the time will come when it will be okay to handle the situation. There is no timetable for this stuff.
Dear Kay Marie,
I am a novice at this post and never had any of my departed pet's remains cremated. It was a week ago today that I lost my 21 year old feline companion. I chose to keep some of her fur with the thought of putting it into a locket.
When my husband and I first moved to Grand Lake, Quebec 15 years ago we had a wonderful Vet who sadly passed away shortly after we had met him. His practice was attached to his private residence, and a few weeks after his death, his wife asked me to drop by for coffee. After our coffee and a chat, she told me she had something to share with me. On the top shelf of the closet of their bedroom she had created a beautful shrine-there was the urn with her husband's ashes and various personal momentos. With a smile on her face she told me how comforting it was for her to have brought him home where she could talk to him whenever she chose. Perhaps she too could not face the prospect of seeing the urn constantly on display.
I don't know if this helps but I felt that I should share her story.
I am sorry for your loss,
Nicole
I am a novice at this post and never had any of my departed pet's remains cremated. It was a week ago today that I lost my 21 year old feline companion. I chose to keep some of her fur with the thought of putting it into a locket.
When my husband and I first moved to Grand Lake, Quebec 15 years ago we had a wonderful Vet who sadly passed away shortly after we had met him. His practice was attached to his private residence, and a few weeks after his death, his wife asked me to drop by for coffee. After our coffee and a chat, she told me she had something to share with me. On the top shelf of the closet of their bedroom she had created a beautful shrine-there was the urn with her husband's ashes and various personal momentos. With a smile on her face she told me how comforting it was for her to have brought him home where she could talk to him whenever she chose. Perhaps she too could not face the prospect of seeing the urn constantly on display.
I don't know if this helps but I felt that I should share her story.
I am sorry for your loss,
Nicole
Hi Kay Marie--!
I think the ashes are fine where they are until you are ready to move them--if ever!
I have Ginger's ashes but I don't think I would like them to be where I would have to see them all the time--I put them where I would see them some of the time--not ALL of the time. Maybe you could work something out like that --OR just not deal with it until later--there certainly is no reason to do anything at all! The ashes are a very emotional component for everyone. To delay dealing with them has as much validity as not having ashes at all or as having a plan--it is all totally individual. For me having the ashes helped me alot. I am glad I kept them--you may be different...you may need time to process your feelings--just listen to what you yourself want to do--it will come to you!
I think the ashes are fine where they are until you are ready to move them--if ever!
I have Ginger's ashes but I don't think I would like them to be where I would have to see them all the time--I put them where I would see them some of the time--not ALL of the time. Maybe you could work something out like that --OR just not deal with it until later--there certainly is no reason to do anything at all! The ashes are a very emotional component for everyone. To delay dealing with them has as much validity as not having ashes at all or as having a plan--it is all totally individual. For me having the ashes helped me alot. I am glad I kept them--you may be different...you may need time to process your feelings--just listen to what you yourself want to do--it will come to you!
Kay Marie,
You're mother is right: just take your time. I think it was a month and maybe more before we put Saki's ashes in her urn. We emptied the baggie -- which upset my husband terribly. When Electra passed a few months later, we just worked the baggie into the urn without opening it. I think that was better. Now they sit in the kitchen on a very high shelf watching everything...
When my sister in law's St Bernard passed several years ago, she had her cremated. The ashes still sit in a closet in a really big box marked "Sophie" (the dog's name). I don't think Sophie will ever be moved from the closet. My sister in law has joked that her cleaning lady must think she is a nut.
It is possible that the ashes will not fit. If and when you do decide to move ZiZi, you might be prepared for that. That has happened to some people... I think the general solution has been to keep what will fit and to scatter the rest.
But do just take your time and don't feel guilty. If you need time to sit in the closet and cry -- that is OK!!!!!!! You always did right by ZiZi in life, and you will do that now, too.
Love,
Jennifer
You're mother is right: just take your time. I think it was a month and maybe more before we put Saki's ashes in her urn. We emptied the baggie -- which upset my husband terribly. When Electra passed a few months later, we just worked the baggie into the urn without opening it. I think that was better. Now they sit in the kitchen on a very high shelf watching everything...
When my sister in law's St Bernard passed several years ago, she had her cremated. The ashes still sit in a closet in a really big box marked "Sophie" (the dog's name). I don't think Sophie will ever be moved from the closet. My sister in law has joked that her cleaning lady must think she is a nut.
It is possible that the ashes will not fit. If and when you do decide to move ZiZi, you might be prepared for that. That has happened to some people... I think the general solution has been to keep what will fit and to scatter the rest.
But do just take your time and don't feel guilty. If you need time to sit in the closet and cry -- that is OK!!!!!!! You always did right by ZiZi in life, and you will do that now, too.
Love,
Jennifer
I finally got up the nerve to pick up Kirby's ashes from the vet's office today. It was SO hard riding home with that little wooden box on the front seat where Kirby used to sit when she was alive!
Right now, the box with her ashes is sitting in a plastic shopping bag in the spare bedroom. When I get more time, I'll put them away. We've got a medium-sized wooden "treasure chest" that holds three other little wooden boxes with names on them: Smokey, Kela, and Lilly. To open the chest and add Kirby's ashes, though, I need to move the little "shrine" that's grown on top of the chest over time -- the photos, the little momentos, etc. I wasn't quite up to doing that today, and I want to do it at a time when my wife won't be around. She's still taking Kirbys' death very hard.
But, as others have said, there's really no rush now. We have to take our time, be gentle with ourselves, and make sure we're ready for each step.
In sympathy,
-- Daryl
Right now, the box with her ashes is sitting in a plastic shopping bag in the spare bedroom. When I get more time, I'll put them away. We've got a medium-sized wooden "treasure chest" that holds three other little wooden boxes with names on them: Smokey, Kela, and Lilly. To open the chest and add Kirby's ashes, though, I need to move the little "shrine" that's grown on top of the chest over time -- the photos, the little momentos, etc. I wasn't quite up to doing that today, and I want to do it at a time when my wife won't be around. She's still taking Kirbys' death very hard.
But, as others have said, there's really no rush now. We have to take our time, be gentle with ourselves, and make sure we're ready for each step.
In sympathy,
-- Daryl
Dear Kay Marie,
I placed Stymy's ashes in my bedroom (when I was ready) so I could say goodnight to him and hopefully see him in my dreams.
Vicki (Stymy's Mom)
I placed Stymy's ashes in my bedroom (when I was ready) so I could say goodnight to him and hopefully see him in my dreams.
Vicki (Stymy's Mom)
I placed my 17-yr old furkitty' (Fuzzball) ashes in my living room on top of a desk/curio combination. He's there so that I can see him everyday, all day long and into the evening. When it's time to go to bed I take him with me and put him on the nightstand and kiss him goodnight and when it's morning I kiss him good morning and back out to the living he goes. I could hardly wait to get his ashes back and once I got them back I felt so much better! This month on the 25th will be 4 months he's been gone. I miss him so very much!
Wanda
Wanda
Oh Wanda, you're funny, that is exactly what I do with my Jakeybug's ashes!!
For the first week or so after we picked them up, I would set him on the bed between the pillows during the day and on the nightstand at night. I give the box kisses and pets too and talk to him occassionaly, say good morning and good night -- and I have caught my husband doing the same.
It is a comfort to me to have his ashes with me, I don't think I will ever spread them out anywhere.
Coming up on the 2 month anniversary for me.
Kay Marie, just be patient with yourself. There's no right or wrong in any of this, just how you feel.
For the first week or so after we picked them up, I would set him on the bed between the pillows during the day and on the nightstand at night. I give the box kisses and pets too and talk to him occassionaly, say good morning and good night -- and I have caught my husband doing the same.
It is a comfort to me to have his ashes with me, I don't think I will ever spread them out anywhere.
Coming up on the 2 month anniversary for me.
Kay Marie, just be patient with yourself. There's no right or wrong in any of this, just how you feel.
Exactly, j4lorn! We do about the same thing! I have at times taken him into bed with me and it's comforting. His ashes will never be spread anywhere.
We're having to move because of very noisy upstairs tenents and the owners haven't done anything about it. I've had the police here but still it continues and so we have made the decision to move. I am so stressed over all of it and it's not doing my health issues any good being so stressed. We've lived here 1 1/2 yrs and haven't had any problems until the owner let those noisy people move in. I'm having to deal with the fact that I'm moving from the home where my furkitty lived and died. I'm having a lot of thoughts that Fuzzball won't know where I've gone to and I'm afraid he'll feel I desserted him. I'm having a lot of thoughts and guilt feelings about moving. I love
my baby and miss him very much. I'm afaid he'll think I've left him.
Wanda
We're having to move because of very noisy upstairs tenents and the owners haven't done anything about it. I've had the police here but still it continues and so we have made the decision to move. I am so stressed over all of it and it's not doing my health issues any good being so stressed. We've lived here 1 1/2 yrs and haven't had any problems until the owner let those noisy people move in. I'm having to deal with the fact that I'm moving from the home where my furkitty lived and died. I'm having a lot of thoughts that Fuzzball won't know where I've gone to and I'm afraid he'll feel I desserted him. I'm having a lot of thoughts and guilt feelings about moving. I love
my baby and miss him very much. I'm afaid he'll think I've left him.Wanda
Thank everyone. It is nice to know I'm not completely mad.
I don't think I will be able to scatter his ashes, and I like what some of you did with your pets ashes, keeping them around. I will definitely be keeping him in my room, should he leave the closet before I go to college.
I don't think I will be able to scatter his ashes, and I like what some of you did with your pets ashes, keeping them around. I will definitely be keeping him in my room, should he leave the closet before I go to college.
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