Lost... Options

[justme]

Hey guys,
I lost my best friend, Raggs, a rescue pup that was found abandoned and neglected in the streets. His coat was matted and mangled. Hence the name.
I was first introduced to Raggs at the age of 7 when my Dad brought him home. He was approx. 8 weeks old. I'm now 22, Raggs passed last Sunday. I had the pleasure of his friendship for 15 years.

We quickly became friends, then best friends and soon enough we were inseparable. He was part of the family..We both grew up together. Now he's gone and i'm completely lost.

During my late teens i battled against an eating disorder. I was very sick. And he knew that, he knew that i was sick.
Resting his head on my chest a little more gently than usual, his big green eyes would stare into mine and they would beg me to get better, his eyes told me i needed to fight it and get better.
He pulled me through that dreadful time. After all, we were a team. A unit.

We bounced off each other, protecting one other when either of us fell.

Over the years his eye sight began to dim and his hearing wasn't too good...He was getting old...
Something of which was easily over shadowed by liveliness and playfulness.

Through out Last Friday he was puking violently, drinking lots, not eating and seemed...'sluggish'.
I comfortred him through the night into the early hours.
After an hours sleep, i woke up to find that he had perked up alot. Throughout Saturday he wasn't puking, he was eating and he seemed a lot happier. I went to bed that night relieved that my best friend was ok, foolishly putting it down to something he may of eaten.
The following morning i woke to find him in much worse condition than on the Firday. He was puking again, drinking lots and could barely walk. When he could stand and walk (with assistance), He couldnt balance and couldnt walk straight.
My Dad called the Veterinarian hospital in the neighbouring town while i comforted him, and told him what he told me 2 years previously...'Get beter'...'Please get better'...'It'll be alright'.
Soon enough my Dad had scooped him up off of the carpet in a wrap around, we were in the car and heading to the hospital.

My best friend has always had a...'rebellious' streak towards being examined or when getting his shots. This time was different, their was no fight...No need to calm him.
After an examination, the Vet said that his kidneys had completley shut down and that the kindest thing we could do for him was put him to sleep.
'No! No he's fine! He was fine yesterday!', i kept thinking. It hadn't hit me what was going on or what was about to happen.
My best friend of 15 years wasn't about to leave me...He couldnt.

The Vet asked us to leave the room while she did her thing.
That wasn't going to happen.
She shaved a small piece of fur off of his leg...Normally he would try his best to avoid that happening, but still..Nothing.
The rest...I just cant write...

I'm completley lost. The earliest memory of life i have is when i was 7, the day i met my best friend.
I can honestly say that i've never known life without him.
The bottom of my world fell through last Sunday. My heart feels so heavy and yet a chunk of it is missing.
Part of me still cant get my head round it...

I will never feel the same way he made me feel ever again. Only he had the power to do that. Words cant describe those feelings...And their gone.
Half of me has gone.

Since Sunday i just havn't been able to function...I cant stop crying, i cant stop panicking, i just...I cant cope much longer.

Even if just one person reply's to this...Please just say anything...Anything to let me know that someone is their..

[justme]

LoveThem,
I just...I'm not a religious person...In fact part of me has come to resent the thought of god over the past couple of years.
I dont mean to start a discussion about a higher power or god, nor do i mean disrespect to those who believe in god.
Just for me...It doesn't cut it...Nothing does.

I wish i did soley believe in a higher power..
But i just can't grasp it..But like you said..
'So who is to say they cannot let us know'..I hope their is something out their beyond our comprehension, i really do...heck' i know it would comfort me a little if i did..

But yes, i too have read stories and accounts of experiences that are...well, magical...And it does bring a flutter to my heart.

I too wonder how my neighbour's dog will react next time we lock eyes...quite nervous and anxious actually.
I know that eariler this evening the same neighbour who i described previously was taken away in an ambulance...I dont know why yet.

Thanks, i'll give Jon's thread a look, and Lucky's too.

Jon730,
I have seen flashes of darting shadows in the corner of my eye!...I quickly jerk my head but..nothing their. During the past week i've actually got up off of my seat to go and investigate, secretly hoping that someone is their.
The bigger part of me puts it down to exhaustion but...a part of me holds on and tells me to get up and go see.
I have read various articles etc, about animals having souls...Some not so positive, some tearful.
My best friend had a soul...No doubt.

Goliath,
I'de be the first to admit that i have taken things for granted.
Your words are beautiful Goliath, thankyou..