Heart Broken Options

[JackieMc]

My three year old cat, Banjo, has been missing for a few days now and I just feel in my heart that he's gone. He's never been away from home for more than hour or so before. Usually when he's outside, he's just on our front lawn so he'd never voluntarily stay away this long unless something was terribly wrong. We've been all through the neighbourhood looking for him, put up signs, called the shelter, etc. But, it's as if he vanished into thin air.

And I'm not coping very well. I love him so much and I'm so scared, thinking of what may have happened to him. Yesterday I stayed home from work and cried most all day (when I wasn't outside, hoarse from calling his name). Today I came to work but I've still spent most of the day in my office with my door closed, crying. Most of my co-workers think I'm insane, although I do have a few fellow pet-lovers who have been supportive.

My husband and children are sad too but they seem to be doing better than I am. I'm so relieved to have found this board as, right now, I don't know how I am going to get through this. Thank you for listening.

[gingerspal]

Hi again Jackie,
I posted on another board when Ginger got hit (by our own vehicle) and one poster went on and on about how now I must never ever "allow" another cat to ever be outside again. Well, I never wished for an outdoor cat anyway so I had to sort of agree---! certainly nothing like this would have happened to Ginger if he were "indoor only"...but that poster sure never met Ginger and therefore did not know that Ginger HAD to be outside. Ginger HAD to put up with the inherent hazards. Ginger loved loved loved being outside and I guess when all is said and done I am glad I "allowed" him to live in the manner he "wanted". I still grapple with whether or not I could stomach having an outdoor animal--but I like that I "respected" Ginger and didn't try to make him into something he was not.
I agree with Denise--that you did not one thing wrong. We will always attach something to the event to "make it" our fault....because we feel just responsible because they seem so defenseless to us....but cats are indeed hardy creatures and do very well without us. My boyfriend used to have to remind me all the time that I could not control how Ginger spent his day! I sure wanted to---but I really could not. I had to give him the freedom that he required. You had to do the same. It is the chance that we take. One poster here said it so well when she wrote that given the choice between seeing her cat be out in the world--(in his natural world) or confining him she would STILL have let him be out in his world (despite the loss of him). I guess I agree...because some cats just can not be happy inside.
If Banjo didn't come back after having let him out at a "perfect" daylight time you would still have found some OTHER reason to blame yourself....I have read it here over and over..if only I had opened the gate, if only I had shut the gate..if only I came home earlier...if only I had come home later..you understand? We will always attribute the loss so totally to ourselves...because we were the "stewards". But, it is illogical...especially because we would have to keep them in a glass bubble in order to protect them from everything and then they would have a colorless and dull existence. I knew Ginger well enough to know that between a long life confined inside or a shorter life but one he "wanted" he would have chosen the latter.
looking forward to the photo= Banjo sounds pretty!
Love,
Patti