My three year old cat, Banjo, has been missing for a few days now and I just feel in my heart that he's gone. He's never been away from home for more than hour or so before. Usually when he's outside, he's just on our front lawn so he'd never voluntarily stay away this long unless something was terribly wrong. We've been all through the neighbourhood looking for him, put up signs, called the shelter, etc. But, it's as if he vanished into thin air.

And I'm not coping very well. I love him so much and I'm so scared, thinking of what may have happened to him. Yesterday I stayed home from work and cried most all day (when I wasn't outside, hoarse from calling his name). Today I came to work but I've still spent most of the day in my office with my door closed, crying. Most of my co-workers think I'm insane, although I do have a few fellow pet-lovers who have been supportive.

My husband and children are sad too but they seem to be doing better than I am. I'm so relieved to have found this board as, right now, I don't know how I am going to get through this. Thank you for listening.

Hi Jackie... don't give up hope yet. Cats can wonder some times and disappear for several days even tho it may be unusual, it can't be ruled out. I'm hoping Banjo comes back for you. We all know how hard it is to lose an animal to death, but the uncertainty of a 'missing' animal is probably worse.

I am so sorry. It must be horrible not knowing where Banjo is. I am praying for his safe return.

Hi Jackie,

Keep up your faith and I will say a special prayer for Banjo to come home.

Love and Belief,
Vicki

Hi Jackie:

I am very sorry to hear that your precious Banjo is missing...

I believe that Gort is right.......The uncertainty of "missing" a furbaby is probably worse....
I think that it is....
"Not knowing" is the hard thing!

I'm always sad when a new person comes to Lightning-Strike, but on the other hand, if you had to find a pet grief
site, I'm glad that you chose this one.

At such a difficult time, when a beloved family member is missing or has passed on, you need to be a part of
something where you can get support, comfort and love...... You will receive all of that here, and more.

I'm sorry to hear that your co-workers are not supportive... Some people have never opened their hearts to allow the unconditional love of a furbaby... It is THEIR LOSS!! We all know better.

I will say a prayer to my girl Ernestine that she lead your sweet Banjo home...

And, I will pray as well that your beloved Banjo come home to you very soon, safe & sound..

God Bless you!

Love, Denise

JackieMc---prayers are winging right now that your Banjo will come home to you! Every positive thought I can muster is being sent your way!! please let us know how you are as time goes on--I can only imagine how upset you must be!! I hope with all my heart your Banjo returns!
{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}!!!
Love
Patti

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers for Banjo. He still has not returned. We searched the neighbourhood again tonight but found nothing. The "not knowing" is horrible. I find nighttimes the worst as I go to bed, wondering where he is. I know he would never just chose to stay away for this long though.

I really never knew I could cry so much. I just feel so empty and broken. We also have another cat - a 1.5 year old named Fiddle. So, I'm very grateful to still have Fiddle as it means I didn't have to put away the cat things. I can tell that Fiddle really misses Banjo as well. Thank you all again for listening.

Jackie---I am thinking of you!! I know it must be so hard!
keep hoping for the best--I will too!!!
Love,
Patti

Jackie,

I know there is nothing that could come close to the pain you're feeling. I'm PRAYING that Banjo comes home to you.

Please keep us posted. In the event that he is not found, we will help you through the grief, every step of the way.

I'm SO SORRY you have to be going through this!

I will be checking for your next message.

Sending you a hug---and extra prayers Banjo's way... Love,

Kathy

Hi Jackie,

I too am hoping and praying for Banjo's safe return. Please do keep us posted on how things are going.

You're in my thoughts,
__Jim

Thank you all again - unfortunately Banjo still has not returned. I've had cats all of my life but, for some reason, I had a special bond with Banjo and I just feel that he is gone. My family is being very supportive but I am so struggling with this. I just feel empty inside and I cry constantly.

I am so grateful to have found you all though as it really helps me to know there are others who truly understand how I feel. And, it's also helpful for me to read comments from those of you further along this journey of grief. It does give me hope that I'll emerge somewhat intact even though that feels impossible to me right now.

Jackie--I am still praying for Banjo ...but as you have stated you have this "feeling" and feelings are what we honor most here at lightning strikes!
Whenever you are ready you can tell us about Banjo and we will be interested and listen! Many of us find DEEP solace in just sharing what type of animal we owned and why we loved them so. It is comforting somehow to share things with others who are also grieving their losses too.
I know how distraught I would have been if Ginger did not come home. He loved his house and his people and his food too much to have stayed away too--so I can totally understand your continuing concern. Just like with people....when people "disappear" never to turn up again the grief is unique in that the "closure" part will have to be arrived at in a somewhat different way. Maybe we can all help decide for you when you could have a ceremony or write something about Banjo on the tribute board. If it were me I would probably give it two solid weeks, only because of what I have read about cats and how they can get stuck in enclosures and so forth....they really can survive amazing things. Yet I agree with you that you need to be realistic. The only difference between your loss and ours is that you will have no ashes or burial plot. The more I understand about pet loss the more I know that our pets physical body is the least of the big picture. What we have in the end (no matter how the end arrives) is our keen memory of what our animals did for us and as you stated...our "bond"..Banjo IS in your heart and your mind, proof positive that nothing on heaven or earth can separate those who love.
When I first came here I spent an agonizing full two weeks with practically daily reports about how Ginger was doing..one day good, next day bad, next day good (after surgery)..then in the end he died. The point was I posted practically every day about the cir%%stances..and it was really great that people "followed" Ginger's story..even though it had what was considered a "sad ending"...but you might do the same thing..just give us an update or tell us how your feeling..then when you are ready tell us what made Banjo so special and maybe post a photo of him. Life is Hello, life is goodbye. Life is Hello again...(because you WILL see your Banjo again but maybe not on earth but in the next place). If Banjo has gone to the rainbow bridge he is happy, chasing butterflies and cavorting with our pets--just filling his time with fun waiting for the day when you will meet up with him again.
My heart goes out to you---I really wish I could give you a real life hug...I know how much it hurts to lose your most precious friend in all the world.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jackie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you so much for your message, Patti, and all the others thoughtful posts as well. My husband was talking to some other neighbours today (who live in our subdivision but not on our street). They told him Banjo is now the third cat to go 'missing' in our neighbourhood in the past few weeks. We've had this happen before (i.e. a spurt of cats missing) and it's always assumed to be a predator who's in the area. (We live in a rural area.) So, while I may never know for certain, I am feeling that this is what happened to Banjo. Because of this risk, I always called him and Fiddle in at night before bed. However, in the past few weeks, Fiddle had started meowing between 3:30 and 4:00 am to go outside. I had become lazy in my diligence and starting letting them out then. (Banjo was never the one that asked to go out at that time of the morning but he would usually get up and go along with Fiddle.) I somehow talked myself into thinking that was almost morning anyway so the nighttime predators would be moved on.

On this past Wednesday morning, Fiddle again cried to go out about 3:45 am. I let him out and Banjo remained sleeping in his usual spot. I had even closed the front door and then Banjo got up and decided he would go out as well. So, in my usual routine, I picked him up, hugged and kissed him and then let him out. (Oh how I wish he'd just waited five more seconds to decide to go out, as I probably would have been back in bed.) We get up at 6:00 am to start the day and I went to the front door to let the cats in for breakfast. Fiddle was there but Banjo wasn't. Immediately, I had a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach, as I just knew something was wrong. Of course, I've replayed the whole scene a million times in my head. If only I hadn't started indulging Fiddle's desire to go out at 3:45 am....if only I hadn't let Banjo out when he was clearly indecisive about going that morning anyway....if only I'd slept with my bedroom window open as I may have heard whatever commotion likely ensued and been able to get up and help him. But all the "if onlys" in the world won't bring him back now. I tried to be a good Mommy to him but I can't help thinking that, in the end, I failed him. One of the first things that helped me when I found this site on Thursday was to read that others have had these same feelings. I kept feeling like such a bad, bad person but I now see that others have also gone through this.

Well - this is really getting long but perhaps it is helpful for me to write and get some things out. As for a description of Banjo....he is a pure white, short haired cat. He had a little spot of grey on top of his head when he was a kitten but that eventually disappeared. He was a very "typical" cat in that he could seem standoffish, particularly to those he didn't know, but was very loving with us. I was often told that he had a regal air about him. Our house is at the top of a hill and Banjo's fav place to sit was on top of one of our cars. As a result, it appeared that he was watching down over his "kingdom" and many neighbours would comment he seemed to be watching us all to ensure our actions met with his approval! He loved being outside. He was a good mouse hunter and also sometimes caught birds. He would bring his gifts to the front door for us. I'm at work writing this so I don't have a picture on this computer that I can post. Right now looking at pictures of him is hard for me but maybe I will work up the courage to post one someday when I'm logged in from home.

If anybody made it this far through my long post, I just want to say again that this site and, in particular, the people who post here have helped me tremendously over the past few nightmarish days. I have gained a lot of strength from all the people who have responded to my Banjo story and I've also learnt a lot from reading all of your stories about our precious pets.

Dear Jackie:

I had hoped by now that you might've had some news with regard to your sweet Banjo --- maybe someone saw him,
anything............You know???

I want to tell you about when a furkitty of mine was missing.......... It was many years ago, but still, my "Sandy" was
missing.....
I've always lived in the City, and with Sandy being an outdoor CITY cat, I just didn't know what happened. I thought that
maybe he was run over by a car.........

I put up fliers, ads in the local newspapers, and PRAYED constantly......

Well, my friend, who lived about 3/4 mile away said that her next door neighbor had a "new cat" that she could see
in their porch..........

It didn't take long before my mom and I went to that house and knocked on the door........
YEP, IT WAS OUR SANDY!!!!!

I was thrilled that Sandy was fine, and we were all set to take him home when the guy who lived in the house said,
"He really is a beautiful Angora, and my wife has always wanted a cat like him....................
COULD WE BUY HIM FROM YOU???????"

Well, I don't need to tell you the rest..... THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE!!!!

Jackie, please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't......
And, of course you're a wonderful mom to Banjo ---

Banjo KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM!!!! Don't lose site of that........

And, you're right........"all of the "if only's", "why didn't I's", won't help bring him home.....
They'll just help to bring you down.....

I'm still praying for Banjo's safe return, my friend.............
The "not knowing" is sooooo difficult.....and, I'm sorry you have to go through this!!!!

Thanks for sharing all that you did about your boy...........He sounds like a real cutie!!

Just know that we're all praying that Banjo find his way home...
Please, don't lose hope.....

God Bless you & your family,

Love, Denise & Ben

Hi again Jackie,
I posted on another board when Ginger got hit (by our own vehicle) and one poster went on and on about how now I must never ever "allow" another cat to ever be outside again. Well, I never wished for an outdoor cat anyway so I had to sort of agree---! certainly nothing like this would have happened to Ginger if he were "indoor only"...but that poster sure never met Ginger and therefore did not know that Ginger HAD to be outside. Ginger HAD to put up with the inherent hazards. Ginger loved loved loved being outside and I guess when all is said and done I am glad I "allowed" him to live in the manner he "wanted". I still grapple with whether or not I could stomach having an outdoor animal--but I like that I "respected" Ginger and didn't try to make him into something he was not.
I agree with Denise--that you did not one thing wrong. We will always attach something to the event to "make it" our fault....because we feel just responsible because they seem so defenseless to us....but cats are indeed hardy creatures and do very well without us. My boyfriend used to have to remind me all the time that I could not control how Ginger spent his day! I sure wanted to---but I really could not. I had to give him the freedom that he required. You had to do the same. It is the chance that we take. One poster here said it so well when she wrote that given the choice between seeing her cat be out in the world--(in his natural world) or confining him she would STILL have let him be out in his world (despite the loss of him). I guess I agree...because some cats just can not be happy inside.
If Banjo didn't come back after having let him out at a "perfect" daylight time you would still have found some OTHER reason to blame yourself....I have read it here over and over..if only I had opened the gate, if only I had shut the gate..if only I came home earlier...if only I had come home later..you understand? We will always attribute the loss so totally to ourselves...because we were the "stewards". But, it is illogical...especially because we would have to keep them in a glass bubble in order to protect them from everything and then they would have a colorless and dull existence. I knew Ginger well enough to know that between a long life confined inside or a shorter life but one he "wanted" he would have chosen the latter.
looking forward to the photo= Banjo sounds pretty!
Love,
Patti

Hey Jackie, this is littlebits mom, i just wanted to thank you for you support with helping me come to grips with my loss, but i'm truly hoping and praying that you have a very very happy ending, i pray banjo is being loved by someone else in the area who doesn't realize that he already has a home and his mommy is missing him very much, so keep putting up those fliers, maybe someone will recognize him and you will be taken to him, please please keep the faith, you will be in my prayers as for all of my new "family" members here on LS will be too. Sherry

Hey Jackie, first of all, I want to say that I'm praying for you HARD that your Banjo will come back!!! I know it's terrifying and just awful to lose a furbaby like that. Here's a big hug and a reminder that I'm keeping you in my prayers!!!

Again - thank you all so much for your continued prayers for my beloved Banjo. Unfortunately, I don't have any news on him to report. We've continued to put up posters, talk to people, check with the shelter and just search our extended area (for what seems like the one millionth time)....and still nothing. I don't have words for the frustration and heartbreak that I'm feeling but I know you all can relate with me on that.

I do however have a most interesting twist to our nightmare. During last night's search of the neighbourhood, we discovered an abandoned kitten. Of course, we couldn't just leave him there so we took him home. I called the shelter's emergency number (it was after hours). When the supervisor called back, she told me a litter of kittens had been found abandoned near the highway about 1 km from where we found this kitten. His description matched that of the rest of the litter so it seems likely he was part of that group that somehow became separated. Being that I'm talking to this lady daily in my search for Banjo, she's versed in our current situation. But, she asked me if we would mind fostering the kitten until Monday as they are full to the rafters. She quickly said she'd understand if I couldn't take in another cat - even for a few nights - right now.

After some heartache and pleading from the kids, we have taken him in. I haven't decided if we will adopt him yet (assuming he isn't missing from somebody's home - we have made posters for him as well). It feels odd to have another cat here that isn't Banjo and yet his presence does seem to be helping (or at least distracting) Fiddle (our 1.5 year old cat) and the rest of the family. He's neither helping or hurting me in my feelings for Banjo. I think he's cute and it's a lot of fun to have a kitten around but I still miss Banjo every minute of every hour. Still, I can see how I could come to care for this little guy in time.

My daughter (who's 10) firmly believes that Banjo wanted us to find this kitten since we found him while out looking for Banjo. To add credence to her theory, her weekly church youth group was last night and the topic of the evening of pets! Again, she feels this is another sign that Banjo is in heaven and trying to help us all heal. I'm so wrung out emotionally that I don't know what to think or believe anymore.

Anyway, I just wanted to pass on the latest and thank you all again for your continued prayers. It means so much to me to have so many people praying for Banjo.