My Whole Life Is Different, I lost my dog after 16 yrs Options

[KayMarie]

I've been to this website a lot over the past few weeks, some of the stories here have made me cry more than I already do, but this is my first post.

Zizi was a pure-bred Shih Tzu and my parents bought him for me when I was about 16 months old. My mom always says he was small enough to fit in her hand when she bought him and was so cute, she knew she just had to get him and even borrowed money from my Aunt to do it. Because she helped pay for him, my Aunt named him Azizi, which means "precious" in Ibo. But we just called him Zi or Zizi.

I was too young to remember, but when she first brought him home, I didn't understand he was a little living thing. I accidentally squeezed him a little hard, but after I learned how to play with him, I never stopped.

I had my dog my entire life until now. When my parents divorced, when we moved out of the house I grew up in, when my grandmother died, Zizi was always like a rock for me and could comfort me even if I were otherwise inconsolable. He was never trained and always had free run of the house. He practically lived like a temple dog, which is what Shih Tzu's were bred for.

He liked Pepsi, though he only had it twice by accident. Anytime someone opened a can, he'd beg for it.

When no one else would deal with the little brat, I would, because I am one myself. When my grandmother died, Zizi (who was also attached to her) started sleeping in my room because we both needed the extra comfort. He liked to lick people and would do it incessantly. He liked to have his belly rubbed all the time and would roll on his side the moment someone showed any interest in him.

My freshman year of high school, possibly the worst year of my life, was bearable because I had my dog with me. The thought that no matter what happened, ZIzi would still be there for me, kept me from true isolation and depression that year and made my life better every year afterwards.

Zizi died at the vet's office while I was away in Arizona. He was about 16 years old, and I had been expecting his death but it still caught me off-guard completely. We were raised together, so I don't remember any point in my life until now where I didn't have my dog with me. I was his main caretaker, he slept in my bed, I fed him, and walked him. Aside from my mom, who occasionally offers her sympapthy, nobody else in the house seems to notice or care that he's gone, but I've been coming home after school and crying for nearly two weeks.

I don't like being around people with dogs anymore. I stopped talking to one of my friends because she's always playing with her three dogs when I call her. I'm feeling burned-out all the time, though I can never fall asleep, and I can't concentrate on my school work.

I had always wanted to be there when he went, and I suppose that's what keeps me up at night. I knew I'd cry, but I never really expected it to be this bad. I miss my little boy, he loved everyone, but as equals in his little kingdom, not as "masters" or "owners." He knew I was not the greatest person ever, but still loved me. I loved him back and the hardest thing in the world to get used to life without him.

Me and Zizi (1989)

[Gort]

I'm sorry for the loss of Zizi, KayMarie. I know the void created when your dog passes from this world. As you probably read, I lost my Ava a little over a week ago and I had her for almost as long as you had Zizi. Although your Zizi has gone over the Rainbow Bridge, he will always be with you in spirit. Your thoughts and memories will keep him alive in your heart forever.

It is unfortunate that you could not be present when Zizi slipped his worldly bonds, but perhaps it is a blessing in disguise. You will remember the fond memories and the good times rather than remembering something like Zizi taking his last breath. My dog went suddenly... Alive and apparently healthy one evening, gone the next so I never got to say good bye either. I wish I had pet her one last time and told her how much she meant to me. She knew, none the less, I'm sure.

You can never be prepared for such a tragic event. No matter how ready anyone thinks they are, it's a different matter when it actually happens compared to just thinking about it. My Ava had a bout of something last fall, not even the vet was sure what it was but a minor adjustment to her diet and some suppliments, she improved. I was so worried about her then and knew that she was getting old and it was only a matter of time. I tried to start preparing for the inevitable then. With all that time to 'get ready', I was still devestated when I found she had passed away.

Don't be too hard on your folks. They are probably just as upset as you are but are trying to be 'strong for you'. Grief effects us all differently. And don't be hard on your friends. Sometimes it's hard to see your friends still enjoying their pets while you are suffering a huge loss in your life. They aren't doing things to spite you. Let the people know around you (folks and friends) know how upset you are about your loss. They probably don't know the excrutiating pain that only a broken empty heart knows.

I'm a new member here but I will tell you what other's have said here... come here and talk about Zizi and your feelings as much as you'd like. Your posts may not get answered right away, but that doesn't mean the people here don't care, we do. We read and we cry with you. Perhaps we don't have the right words to say all the time but we'll try our best to help you through the journey through grieving seeing as we are or have experienced losses ourselves.