House Is So Empty Options

[MAXIESMOMMY]

My house and me are so empty. How do you get rid of this feeling of emptiness and loneliness? I come home from work and sit on the stairs because I don't want to go in. I have a husband, so it's not like I'm alone all the time. I just miss my little baby soooooo much. I still feel like an empty shell. I don't look forward to anything any more. I used to live for the weekends, now I dread them because I used to spend a lot of time with Max. My house is so quiet. No barking, no crunching puppy bites, no playing and shaking his toys all over the hardwood floor. Just empty and lonely and sad.
I am a supporter of Small Paws Rescue and they said I qualify for a puppy because I am a griever. They said the puppies are heart menders and fix broken hearts. Should I get one to fill up the emptiness? I can't do that to Max. Just replace him. He is sooooo special to me. Would another puppy break my heart again? I can't go through this again. I am already on anti-depressants. What's my next step???? I'm so confused. Do I start doing things that I was restricted from doing before, because I had Max and had to be there to take care of him? But...I don't feel like doing anything. Has anyone been this confused??????? How can I stop this emptiness and sadness and not wanting to do anything? I go to work each day, but I look like hell. I'm ready to cry at anything. I feel like a delicate flower (although I don't look like one), who is just waiting to be crushed. My husband gives me lots of hugs and we cry together. He's very sad also. But he can move on. I am just stuck in this. I have a poem from Marcia about remembering what he has left. I am not concentrating on what WAS anymore, I am concentrating on the here and now and I can't seem to stop missing him so much. What can I do?????? Even if there were things to do.....I don't want to do them!!!!! I'm falling apart.
Thanks for listening
Carol

[Gort]

I really feel your pain Maxi's Mom. I've lost both my parents and my brother and the pain I am feeling for the loss of Ava out wieghs the loss of my entire family. I was close to being this sad when my marriage broke down in 1983. It's kind of strange actually, having been through the grieving process for each of my losses, I know more or less what to expect out it. The real variable is how long it takes. I know time is the best healer and that the grieving process can seem never ending. Trust me, it does end. The sadness is replaced with fond memories that will mend your broken heart. Like some one said here, when you're feeling really down and the tears won't seem to stop, as difficult as it may be, try to think of something your little buddy used to do that never failed to make you laugh or bring a smile to your face. You might not laugh now and it may not stop your river of tears but it does ease the pain a little. One of the things my Ava used to do in the winter, is stick her face into the snow (no digging) until her head was buried past her ears. When she pulled her head up, she'd sneeze and there would always be a little pile of snow left on her nose. That may not seem funny to other people but it used to make me laugh when she did it. Silly dog. I try to think of the funny things and the fun stuff we used to do together as difficult to do as it is right now.

I'd raised my son on my own and my daughter lived with my ex most of the time. My son recently got married (surprise to me) and has moved away with his wife to Alberta (I'm in BC) about a month ago. My house was never lively but it felt lived in and comfortable. Now there is just me. My son phoned the other day and I told him the sad news. I think he was pretty tore up about it too and he asked if his leaving had made dealing with my loss harder. I said, yes because I didn't have him readily available to talk to. But I went on to say that he shouldn't worry about me and lied saying that I had been through worse, he has his own life to live and kids do grow up and move away.

As for 'replacing' Maxi, that is a tough one to make a call on. First off, you wouldn't be replacing him. Even if your new dog was the same breed and looks, it will have it's own personality and it wouldn't be Maxi. After taking Ava to the vet to get her cremated, I took her dog food and treats to the SPCA which is located almost right next door to the vet. The attendant had been over to the vet when I brought Ava's body to the vet and saw me bawling my eyes out. She was supportive when I arrived with the food and asked if I'd like to see the animals available for adoption. I thought briefly about getting a kitten (I love cats too) but I held off. There will always be time to get another pet when I'm ready. I'd like to get another dog some day but right now a puppy or dog would have huge 'paws' to fill and in my opinion it wouldn't be fair. Again time will change that I know from previous pets that I have lost. You'll know when you're ready for a new buddy.

Yes, my house is very empty, like yours. I miss having to be careful not to trip over Ava as she always seemd to choose the busiest places to lie down in. I miss how she would get up and stretch when ever she heard the noise from my lazy boy chair and figured it was either time to eat or time to go outside. Let's face it, I miss her dearly. Like you Maxi's Mom, like all of us here. I know time will mend things, it's just difficult getting through that time right now.