Eddies Passing, my dog eddie is gone and im so sad Options

[eddies mom]

hi everyone! am new here. here is the story of my loss. please be patient with this post as i am grieving so hard. my chocolate lab eddie was put down last week. he had turned 15 one month ago and we had a huge bday party for him with other dogs and pet owners. my husband rescued eddie 14 years ago but i have only been eddies mommy for 4 years. i've been told that 15 years for a dog of eddie's size is amazing but i'm sorry i feel jipped having only had him as my sweetie for only 4 years. eddie had the cutest personality. he loved everyone and couldn't stand not being with us or being touched in anyway. i spoiled him with treats and love so he always came to me for luvin, mpmmy kisses and treats. he'd look for me in the morning if i didnt come in the family room early enough and was so comforting when i was down in the dumps. he hated it when i cried, he'd run cirlces around me or stick his cute little face in between my legs to get me to stop. eddie really started slowing down about 6 months ago. he'd been incontinent for a couple of years but we dealt with it cuz we loved him so much. he had arthritis and nerve damage in his hind legs and a few weeks ago he just couldn't get himself up and would sleep all day and had no interest in food unless hand fed.- he still had plenty of room for treats though. i knew the time was coming but everytime i thought of him not being in my life, i cried. so i've really been mourning for about a year. the last couple of weeks he'd fall on the patio and could't get himself up and would mess himself and neighbors heard him moaning and i felt so guilty for not being home all the time to help him. my husband knew eddie from when he was 1 so my husband had a really hard time with his slow demise and asked me to make a vet appt for him last week just to check in. the vet told us that there was nothing he could do for eddie, that he was simply an old man and that the years had caught up with him. when i woke up that morning i had no idea that that was going to be the day that we were going to put eddie down. the vet talked us through his criteria for assessing quality doggie life and my hubby and i looked at each other and just started bawling, we knew it was time , we knew we'd never be ready but we couldn't stand to see eddie not be able to do for himself or enjoy all of the things he loved to so- be under my feet in the kitchen while cooking, chasing squirrels, swimming( we took him with a life vest a few days before and he was terrified to get into the water), walking down the street to his favorite neighbor's house for some love. he'd fallen really hard the last time we went over, we had to drive him home in a car and i was afraid to walk him that distance again. we bawled in the vet's office while telling eddie what an amazing dog he is, how much we love him and will always love him, we held him and kissed him. it was a good ending as we were terrified we'd come home one day and find him dead in a horrible and lonely manner.

My hubby and dot are moving forward. he is at peace with the decision as he beleived eddie didn't have more than a couple of weeks at most. they got more time with him so though extremely sad, they're moving forward. i, on the other hand hurt so bad. the house is so empty withougt him in it. i keep imagining coming home and seeing his little white eyebrows through the gate peering at me. i hold a pillow at night and pretend that he and i are spooning like we both loved. eddie passed 9 days ago and i'm having difficulty functioning. we buried him in the backyard that he loved, so i go back there and visit him and talk to him. i realize he is no longer suffering and that maks me happy/relieved however, now I am suffering without him in my life and i just feel so empty without him. i just want one more hug/ lick.

thank you so much for listenting and please let me know if you have any encouraging words. i miss my puppy so much.

eddies mom

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[eddies mom]

Thank you K9 and Xray:

I'm touched at your responses. The guilt bug has bit me but my husband is so confident the timing was right, i get strength from him and that. Yesterday, Halloween was tough as we're used to dressing Eddie up and having him stick his little muzzle in the door when the doorbell rings to check our whose there and steal a few extra pats. I do feel I'm getting better. I still cry every day but I don't wake up in tears nor go to bed crying--it's really the emptiness in the home. I really do feel his spirit bouncing all over the house and feel close to him when i visit his grave in the backyard. I hope that doesn't sound weird but i'm happy he's there. We created a shutterfly slideshow of his life and sent it to friends and family. What a wonderful life he had captured right on film. I can send on an additional photo if you'all would like. Sniff.

Thank you again for your words and support.
Eddie's Mommy