hi everyone! am new here. here is the story of my loss. please be patient with this post as i am grieving so hard. my chocolate lab eddie was put down last week. he had turned 15 one month ago and we had a huge bday party for him with other dogs and pet owners. my husband rescued eddie 14 years ago but i have only been eddies mommy for 4 years. i've been told that 15 years for a dog of eddie's size is amazing but i'm sorry i feel jipped having only had him as my sweetie for only 4 years. eddie had the cutest personality. he loved everyone and couldn't stand not being with us or being touched in anyway. i spoiled him with treats and love so he always came to me for luvin, mpmmy kisses and treats. he'd look for me in the morning if i didnt come in the family room early enough and was so comforting when i was down in the dumps. he hated it when i cried, he'd run cirlces around me or stick his cute little face in between my legs to get me to stop. eddie really started slowing down about 6 months ago. he'd been incontinent for a couple of years but we dealt with it cuz we loved him so much. he had arthritis and nerve damage in his hind legs and a few weeks ago he just couldn't get himself up and would sleep all day and had no interest in food unless hand fed.- he still had plenty of room for treats though. i knew the time was coming but everytime i thought of him not being in my life, i cried. so i've really been mourning for about a year. the last couple of weeks he'd fall on the patio and could't get himself up and would mess himself and neighbors heard him moaning and i felt so guilty for not being home all the time to help him. my husband knew eddie from when he was 1 so my husband had a really hard time with his slow demise and asked me to make a vet appt for him last week just to check in. the vet told us that there was nothing he could do for eddie, that he was simply an old man and that the years had caught up with him. when i woke up that morning i had no idea that that was going to be the day that we were going to put eddie down. the vet talked us through his criteria for assessing quality doggie life and my hubby and i looked at each other and just started bawling, we knew it was time , we knew we'd never be ready but we couldn't stand to see eddie not be able to do for himself or enjoy all of the things he loved to so- be under my feet in the kitchen while cooking, chasing squirrels, swimming( we took him with a life vest a few days before and he was terrified to get into the water), walking down the street to his favorite neighbor's house for some love. he'd fallen really hard the last time we went over, we had to drive him home in a car and i was afraid to walk him that distance again. we bawled in the vet's office while telling eddie what an amazing dog he is, how much we love him and will always love him, we held him and kissed him. it was a good ending as we were terrified we'd come home one day and find him dead in a horrible and lonely manner.

My hubby and dot are moving forward. he is at peace with the decision as he beleived eddie didn't have more than a couple of weeks at most. they got more time with him so though extremely sad, they're moving forward. i, on the other hand hurt so bad. the house is so empty withougt him in it. i keep imagining coming home and seeing his little white eyebrows through the gate peering at me. i hold a pillow at night and pretend that he and i are spooning like we both loved. eddie passed 9 days ago and i'm having difficulty functioning. we buried him in the backyard that he loved, so i go back there and visit him and talk to him. i realize he is no longer suffering and that maks me happy/relieved however, now I am suffering without him in my life and i just feel so empty without him. i just want one more hug/ lick.

thank you so much for listenting and please let me know if you have any encouraging words. i miss my puppy so much.

eddies mom

Hi Eddies Mum,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Eddie just got old and you did the right thing, he is not suffering anymore.
I had to put my old girl to sleep last year, she was 22 and 4 months, all her quality of life had gone but the decision was still so hard and I still feel guilty for taking her life even though it was the right thing to do.
Take care you are in my thoughts.
Cleo 1

Eddie's Mum,

What a darling boy, no wonder you miss him so.
It's an unbearable position to be in, but the fear of finding he had died alone would have been worse. Last Saturday, we had to do the same thing for our little sheltie, Sadie. Sadie was very critically ill, and we had no choice, still it was very hard.

I share your heartbreak,
Mack and Sadies mom,
Dayna

Cleo and Dayna,

Thank you so much for responding to my post. i spilled my heart out so i'm so thankful to the both of you for responding. also, i am equally sad for your losses. i have lost pets as a child however eddie passing has hit me so hard. i do know that the last two years, eddie was my boy. my husband would always tell me he was now my dog and i have a huge nurturing side so giving to eddie and helping him through his old age was something i was more than happy to do. i just want to beleive that dogs go to heaven and that one day, along with other loved ones, i'll be reunited with eddie.i know you understand the emptiness. i do believe putting him down was the right thing, however my heart has not caught up to the logic of that.

thank you for your kind words, i am sorry you are hurting too . not that i want others to hurt but it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one out there reeling over the death of a beloved pet.
Love,
Eddies mom

Eddies mom, Your description of Eddie's personality melts my heart. What a remarkable boy. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I just wanted to tell you that I know how hard it is to have to say good bye, and I send to you my sympathy. Take care and let us know how you are doing. K9pal

You are in the most gut wrenching part of grief in you life at present. I know the feeling. Everthing seems surreal. You can't sleep, or eat. Your attention span is short and you can think of nothing but your lost forever friend. You believe you will never see the end of this sick feeling and perpetual knot you feel in your gut. Your eyes sting from crying all the time and you are afraid that no one will understand how deep your grief is because there are those idiot skin deeps out there that say to themselves "it's just a dog".

Let me tell you for starts that everthing you are feeling is normal...although extremely unpleasant and painful. You must be kind to yourself. Don't let anyone rush your grief or tell you you must "get over it". Distance yourself from those kind of people. They are of great detriment to you moving forward. They minimize your feelings and can open the door for the guilt monster. On that note be very wary of him. Guilt is waiting, lurking in the shadows of your mind, looking for a chance to dominate your life. If you start to feel guilt about anything please come here and talk about it. We can defeat the guilt monster together, there is no room in your life for that abomination!!!

I am so sorry for you. I know the longing you feel right now and it just translates into seemingly endless pain. We can get through this together. There are many here to lean on. Come often and pour your feelings out. We will move forward with you at your pace. We have been through what you are going through. You WILL see the light of day again. You WILL look forward to tomorrow....but there are a few more hurdles along the way we need to get through...TOGETHER!!

Thank you K9 and Xray:

I'm touched at your responses. The guilt bug has bit me but my husband is so confident the timing was right, i get strength from him and that. Yesterday, Halloween was tough as we're used to dressing Eddie up and having him stick his little muzzle in the door when the doorbell rings to check our whose there and steal a few extra pats. I do feel I'm getting better. I still cry every day but I don't wake up in tears nor go to bed crying--it's really the emptiness in the home. I really do feel his spirit bouncing all over the house and feel close to him when i visit his grave in the backyard. I hope that doesn't sound weird but i'm happy he's there. We created a shutterfly slideshow of his life and sent it to friends and family. What a wonderful life he had captured right on film. I can send on an additional photo if you'all would like. Sniff.

Thank you again for your words and support.
Eddie's Mommy

I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through right now. As John said you are in the hardest part right now. Oh my gosh it is so hard. everything will remind you of Eddie. You may even hear him around the house in the still of the night.

Please go easy on yourself and let your emotions out in whatever way your heart leads you. You have a rough few days ahead. It's those days that make you wonder if your heart can ever be made that vulnerable again. Just know that you will not stay in this phase forever and when you are ready to move on you will. You will never forget the love you had with your baby, none of us ever will. We may fear that, but a love this strong can't be forgotten. I'm convinced of that.

Eddie is at peace now and he wouldn't want you to be over devastated over his passing to the point that you cause yourself too much emotional or mental harm. I know how much you loved his but it seems like it was his time. 15 is really a long time. What a wonderful life full of love he had with you guys. Neither you nor your husband or Eddie will ever forget that!

God Bless! You are in my prayers!
John B

Dearest Eddies Mom, I'm so sorry your baby Eddie is no longer here, he's a cutie pie. It is so difficult to deal with a companions passing, I know. The only thing I can say to you is keep coming here. The people in this forum are the best, they are genuine, loving, caring.
This is where you want to air your feelings about your Eddie. We understand what you are going through, it is not going to be easy. Then again if it was easy you would not be here.
I tell this to everyone I post to, keep posting pics of Eddie, it is very threaputic, it also gives us an insight into his persona. I love seeing other peoples pics of their companions, I think it will help your giref.

You're in my thoughts

What a beautiful furbaby. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby Niko almost four weeks ago suddenly. I understand what you are going through, Niko was my best friend for four years and I wish I could have had more time with her.

You will find this site to be a great blessing.

Lisa

Dear Eddie'sMom,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your Eddie - I know how much it hurts.

What a lovely long journey he had and I join you in your sadness of only getting those four short years with his darling little (big) self...

Your story reminded me of how the love of my life, Milo, jilted me for my husband VERY soon after he came to live with us (my husband, not the dog).

I will never forget the way Milo stood at the bottom of the stairs that first morning when he heard Steven moving about upstairs - he was positively wiggling with glee and looking back at the stairs and then at me - his tongue hanging out, his tail wagging off his little bum like "he's coming, Mom, I hear him! He's coming", the dog was positively in love.

And I wasn't the slightest bit jealous. In fact, I was thrilled that Milo found someone else who thought that he was the most magnificent dog on the planet. Kind of like your family, maybe.

I saw with my own eyes that it is not the length of the relationship but the love and affection shared. Love is not something that can be measured in time - it is measured in our hearts. Clearly, you have loved him forever

and your love for him won't end here, this is where your love for him is transformed.

I hope that soon you will be reflecting on what an amazing relationship you had with him and that your thoughts are of love and happy memories of your friend Eddie- overshadow the pain

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. (I'll ask my Milo to go and find him - he ws an old guy too - and a huntin' dawg, a Gordon Setter, they can hang out under a tree and talk about how we made them wear funny hats)!

Sharon

John, Bue, Lisa, Sharon:


i've had such a tough day so reading your replies just makes me want to be strong enough to post for others and help them, but i'm not there yet. i want to be. i've cried twice today so far. my husband finally finished our backyard. we had no landscaping at all in the back(eddie's yard) for about 8 months after our remodel. my husband was so proud of all of his work and he'd done such an amazing job laying the stones and laying sod/grass, it looked beautiful but our reaction to it was not what he'd wanted and we felt so bad. we both started crying so hard because eddie wasn't here to enjoy it. a little stone path all the way up to his dog house instead of dirt and weeds. as beautiful as it is, it just feels empty and lifeless without our puppy.

i'm finding the weekends just dreadful, so sad all day long. like most pet owners, this was the time we were able to spend the most time with him. we went to the beach today with out of town guests, the beach eddie loved to play fetch on and swim out into the water for hours. that was tuff. seeing all the dog owners with their dogs and not having ours along. we encouraged our daughter to pet as many as the dog owners would allow. helped me too.

i know you understand. i know you've been there. it's just so depressing. thank you for being patient and letting me emote, like i've said before...i'm farther behind thant the others.

another eddie pic, his 15th bday about 6 weeks...hope you don't mind.
~best to all of you.
eddies mom

What a cute boy! I send you prayers and hugs to help you through this hard time. I join you there, it has been only two weeks for us, so I know how you are hurting still. They say time will make the sheer pain lessen, and the heart will keep the memories and the love and that our beautiful fur children will always be with us. I believe that. Sometime the tears will come less often and our hearts will smile with each memory of our beloved child. But, first we must honor the grief, because to do so, helps to move through it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Eddie lived such a gloriuos life with you and you gave him the last gift of love we all must give someday. The other alternative is to never have these beautiful, wonderful, unconditionally loving children in our lives and that is not the way. To love their physical beings here, is to also know that one day we will see them again across the bridge and they will be restored to their health and we will rejoice in that and be able to play and run with them again. I wish you peace and and I pray for you.
Eddie is with you every minute, don't doubt that. The love that you had binds you across all time and distance and physical form. It lives...forever.
susan,
Orion's momma