Rassy cat & Howard, Sick with kidney failure Options

[jackjackbojack]

**Joanne (jackjackbojack is a new member here. Two of her precious furkids (Rassy cat & Howard ) are very ill with kidney failure. With Joanne's permission, I'll do my best to get her posts together (along with their replies), so that she can have her own thread. **

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My two babies are dying of Kidney failure. There is just so little time left. My Rassy cat is 18.5 years old. My Howard is 16. I have been through this once before with my kittywillow. People here are so compassionate and kind. I can't stand it when people say to me its just a cat. Its not. These are my babies. I know how much joy those special little ones bring into our lives.

We enclosed our patios and made them into cat rooms. (We have one upstairs and one downstairs. We refer to our cats as the ups and downs. My up cats will soon cross over the Rainbow. All I will have are some pictures and lots of wonderful memories.

I don't want them to suffer. Rassy cat is still holding on. I know he doesn't want to leave me. Howard still has some time left before the curtain falls. I told Rassy Cat whenever he feels its time, to just let go. I would much prefer to see him die peacefully in his sleep rather than having to put either down. Howard is so attached to Ras, and sick that we might put him down just so he doesn't have to suffer the heartbreak of loosing his best friend esp in his condition.

I just continue to check on my babies. Rassy cat sleeps so soundly. I just keep checking to see if he will wake up. I try not to cry in front of him. He knows how much I adore him. And the last thing I would ever want to do is keep him alive if he is in pain.

Today, I told him, whenever you are ready to let go, its ok. Always know, I love you as much as life itself.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Yes, you've got a good handle on the overall scheme of things, Joanne. And that will serve you well, I'm sure. Just remember that whenever you do falter, as we all do, it isn't the end of the world, because it's more about the cu*mulative effect of our thoughts (with emotions attached) that has the biggest power to create their manifestation in form. And the trick is also to find balance between all aspects of our lives.

For me, I did have a really good idea, ahead of time, of how much I would hurt when Nissa left. I felt the same amount of love for Sabin, and he'd been, to that point, my biggest teacher. So when he left, I was beside myself with grief, which lasted for many years and took much work to resolve well enough (including the guilt). With that experience of past pain under my belt, yet with much more time spent with my girl and all she got me through in the ensuing years, plus the extra bonding from being so infused in being her care-giver,I knew it would almost, or maybe actually kill me when she left.

And yet, it's STILL been much worse, overall, than I'd ever been able to imagine beforehand!! So I, too, was wrong in a way. I often wish I could just die now. I really don't want to have to be here, despite some moments of laughter and such in the last year. But I'm 'putting up with it' for now, and will see how it all pans out. I'm not here to pose as some poster girl for getting through grief, but am just getting through it as best I can (which is often not very darn well!) and sharing my experiences as I can. It's about all I can do right now. I can barely even be inspirational for anyone anymore, which has also come as a big surprise to me in the last while. Who I was, when my girl was with me here, is gone.

So you may well carry on much better than I, and that would be great. No one, I'm sure, would want to be in MY head space right now.