My Heart Bleeds Options

[E.M]

My Denis past away on the 21st December 2006, he was (still is) a beautiful 14 year old black cat and had chronic kidney failure. With the aid of tablets we managed to keep his condition under control for a year until two weeks ago when his levels shot through the roof and he was off his food. The vets took him in to be put on a drip for 3 days where I was allowed to visit him. He picked up a little whilst I was there and I told them he was unhappy with the drip in his arm so they said they would keep him in one more day then I could take him home for the weekend to see if he picked up when he was back in his own home, if not then we would have to think of the inevitable.

There was little change Friday night, and throughout Saturday and was still didn't eat. The only think that seemed to comfort him was an inordinate amount of cuddles which I gave him.
On Sunday there was a complete turnabout and he wolfed down 3 bowls of food and was up and about walking, albeit a bit wobbly. On Monday he went back to the vets and I told them of the positive day previous we had had and they let me take him home again and said if he goes downhill again then there would be little we could do for him. Denis again had given up eating and all he wanted was to be held and kissed and cuddled, which he reciprocated back with such passion and force it was heart wrenching, I had never known him to be like this.

Denis was now very weak and falling over a lot so I had to make the decision for the vet to come round to the house so we could do 'it' together with him in my arms in the chair that we had spent so many hours together sharing so much.

It's the worst thing I have ever ever had to do in my life. The guilt is insurmountable.

I told him that, that night we would turn on the Xmas lights, find the brightest star in the sky and make a wish for him. We carried him outside with us wrapped up in his box and made a wish. I said I would light a candle for him everynight until the New Year.

Tonight even though I will be alone I will try not to be upset. I've gone through every emotion possible from guilt to anger to sadness and back again but tonight I will try to be happy for him. I miss him more than words can explain and its a horrible place to be in right now.

I like to think that I was his earth mother whilst he was here and needed me and now he has left and made that big journey on his own. With every end there is always a beginning.

There is no comfort at a time like this, only, I know I am not going through this alone.

Love you always Denis, I miss you so much it is unbearable. Peace be with you my man, there will never ever be another Denis, eternally yours. ************xx

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Yes, these are fun (even with the pain)! We can also add Sabin to that list of black cats playing cards for fun and profit!

One of the first amusing food things Nissa and Sabin did when they were still weenie little kidlets (not that they ever got very big even when full-grown) had to do with my H's and my trip to the Ex (Red River Exhibition) one year. Like many folks, one of our fav*ourite food treats there was the miniature donuts, so we bought enough to bring an extra bag home. I left this on the kitchen counter overnight, looking forward to having a few tasty treats with my coffee the next morning. But when I got up, there was no bag there. I'd never thought that our kids could even manage the leap to the countertop, as they were still so young and small that they were still climbing the open wooden stairs from the basement somewhat slowly. However, when I checked all upstairs and couldn't find the bag of donuts, I had to look downstairs...where I found the entire bag...strewn all about, every donut that wasn't already eaten, ripped apart in tiny pieces, as was the bag itself! Being a 'newbie' with felines, this was the first of many lessons about how WRONG the cat books of the day often were...in this case, "cats don't usually have sweet teeth" being the lie! I think they did it more for amusement though, as they really didn't like sweets as a rule...unless maybe they pigged-out too much this first time and taught themselves a lesson!

Rodents always were their fav*ourites, though, and we have a million stories about those. Sabin liked to catch mice across our street (in the tall grasses, before we ended up with a bunch under our deck) and bring them home, with me standing on the driveway waiting for him (and watching to intercept any possible cars, bikes or dogs), where he'd lope towards me, catch in mouth, saying, "Woo-woo! Woo-woo!" the entire way, all the way to the backyard, to indulge himself, in the safety and peace of the garden. Sabin took his food very seriously and never wasted one morsel, no matter what it was! (like his Mom)

And after he passed, Nissa carried on the tradition...in spades! Many were the times she'd come racing in the cat-door from the backyard, yelling "Yaah-AAaah!", live mousie in mouth, deposit it unharmed in the family room, OR upstairs if I'd gone up there for a moment to get something, just to have her fun with peeking at and chasing something that didn't make predictable moves, but soon losing that feline patience (never was her strong suit!), leaving her Mom to end up trapping the little guy after up to a 2 hour strategic battle with rolled up towels, a wide stick and whatever else I had to employ to lead the mousie to the live trap.....just to deposit him/her outside once again....until maybe the NEXT Mighty Huntress catch! Although Nissa did eat quite a few over her last 6 years ( I couldn't deny her, as it's the most perfect nutrition for a cat, and she needed all possible help for her kidneys), most of the time she just wanted a play-buddy (those poor mousies just couldn't agree!) and was most often so gentle with them, that the most damage they suffered (aside from fear!) was a bit of spit on their backs.

Nissa learned this trick when very young, when she started bringing in live birds into the house. I sat her down and explained that, seeing as she liked them to live, so she could still get thrills from watching them fly around (while I had to resort to asking Sabin to catch them FOR me...and being his sister's catch, not his, he always waited until I asked him...then grab them before he could kill and eat them), that she should endeavor to not harm them in any way, and that way she might be able to catch them again sometime and therefore get more pleasure once again......AND SHE DID JUST THAT FROM THEN ON with birds!! What a Little Grey Smartie! In all her life, she only caught and tried eating ONE bird...and didn't care for that meal anyway, so never did it again and continued to just watch &/or chase them so she could see them fly. I always told both her and Sabin that when they eventually crossed, they'd be able to fly themselves...and join the birdies in zoomie-type games...and I hope they're having much fun doing just that, now. (and maybe even the mousies can fly too, so it's an equally-fun game for them!)