Watching Their Death, vs being out of the room Options

[samara]

My final moments that I remember of Twinkie were of him struggling with the tape on his feet. He was scared when the cold saline ran through his line and he looked up at me with these big scared eyes. Then, the euth solution was given to him and he was gone. Completely gone. His body was there but his soul was not. His long, white tail that he always held so high and proud was limp in my hands. These memories are burned into my memory and they are the source of a lot of pain.

The social worker and vet told me this was the best way to do it. That way, I can see him go in peace. I don't know that I feel that it was the best way because the memories are so vivid and I replay them in my mind, which causes more grief.

I was there when my little Twinkers died. It's just so incredibly sad to think about. I just waved my magic pet owner wand and Twinks life was over before my eyes. It was so painful. It wasn't helpful for closure and it just makes me miserable to think about.

So why the he ll did they encourage me to watch this?!?!?!?

[jazmin]

This is hard to write. I was there for Zack I to could not be any where else, having had him since a kitten even seeing him be born, he was is my heart and when the time came less than two weeks ago, for him to go to sleep as it was the hardest desicion to make but the cancer was eating him up and I just couldn't let him live like that. I knew it was time. So the day came Zack was lying on the bed as that was all he did those days, we just stayed around him all day giving him love, we bought him flowers, lit candles, and play light sweet music. The vet showed up around 3 we all sat and talked, gave Zack love, he was so curious, he was soo tired but wanted so badly to know what was going on, he wouldn't let himsefl sleep. It took a few minutes to find a vain and when the vet had he injected him with the smallest amount at that moment Zack jumped up and scratched at his eye it was strange because i think that he took the rush of medicine as the cancer in his eye and attacked himself as he reared up he hissed, he hissed towards me, I felt like maybe he blamed me for his pain, he didn't understand, his heart was so strong. Well that tiny amount was not enought to kill him only put him under, so I tried to comfort him, tell him that I loved him and that it was all going to be over soon all the pain would wash away, that this was the medicine he we were waiting for. When the vet injected the rest of the euthinasia he passed, very peacefully, we stayed with him, his little body was still warm, his lips turned purple, he left this world. The vet gathered him up he looked soo sweet so calm, peaceful, a way that I had not seen him look in to long.

I replay that day in my head to often and although it kills me I would not could not have been anywhere else, I needed to offer him what little I had to give.

Jazmin