My Beloved Bono Options

[gillian]

3 days ago, I lost my much-loved dog Bono. He'd be suffering from heart disease for some time, and on Monday 16th at 5.15pm, I came home from work to find he'd gone into heart failure. 3 hours later he died. I wasn't with him when he died, as the vet had advised me to go home, and when I rang to see how he was, she told me not to come as we were still trying to save him, and seeing me would get him excited. He died anyway ... He was only 8 years old, and my much-loved, much missed little friend. I got him when I was 14, and grew up with him. I can't believe how much this hurts. Below is a poem I wrote for him. My display picture is his beautiful photo.

I wish I could have been there
The hour that you died,
I wish I could have held you
And rested by your side

I wish I could have helped you
And been with you that day,
Instead of coming home to find you
Fading fast away

And how you wheezed and gasped
And shrivelled up in sorrow,
I wrapped my arms around you
Our last day, no tomorrow

And I sobbed as I cuddled you
And told you ‘Mummy’s here’,
And I whispered to you, talked to you
As your fur soaked up each tear

And I’m sorry that all I did
Was fret and moan and cry,
And beg you as you suffered
As I willed you ‘Please don’t die’

And I held you in the car
As we rushed you to the vet,
But part of me already knew
That I was losing my much-loved pet

And as the vet examined you
You looked into my eyes,
And again I whispered ‘Mummy’s here’
I’m sorry that I lied

For I left you all alone with them
Even though you needed me so,
And I didn’t kiss your little head
I just let you go

I’m sure if you could have
You’ve have asked me to stay,
And yet I didn’t listen
Instead I turned and walked away

Selfish beings we humans are
We shrink away and hide,
Yet you have been my special friend
Always by my side
It wasn’t long before you slipped away
Alone, ailing, afraid,
I should have stayed with you
Instead you died, betrayed

Today I saw your little body
I went to say goodbye,
And I wrapped my arms around you
And I swear I thought I’d die

I breathed in your lovely scent
And buried my face in your hair,
And told you over and over how sorry I am
That I had not been there

And as I held your little paw
And stroked your tiny brow,
I felt assured and calm
And I whispered ‘I’m here now’

There was an assuring comfort
To rest there on your side,
There was a sense of ease
To have you there, consoling me
That you were here, you’d always be
And it’s ok, because your pain is gone
And to be strong, and carry on

My beloved Bono; this void is immeasurable.

Gillian

[gillian]

It's amazing how much the loss of a pet can hurt us. I feel as though I've lost a child. Bono showed me love and support when the people in my life let me down. I am so proud of him, the frightening death he had, and yet he didn't complain. Just lay in my arms trying to breathe. Then sat good as gold while the vet examined him, looking into my eyes, and cuddling up close to me.

I think coming home from work is the hardest part, and seeing the empty bed and bowl still full of water from when I filled it up on Monday to persuade him to drink. Then I miss the weight of his body on my feet or just bending down for a cuddle.

I got a clipping of his hair, and his collar back. And I'm waiting for his ashes. They say it will be another week ... This is more painful than any death I've ever dealt with. Will it always be this sore?