Magical Thinking, A Hard Part of the Grieving Process Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

It's so hard, and so crazy...yet it's still just there. Every single day I find myself thinking, "If I just....finish this task...do that thing....do my running around and then come home......Nissa might just BE THERE, as she always had been..."if I only....". You realize, even during this thinking, that it's an insane thought...but that doesn't stop it. The yearning is so great, to not have this reality BE this reality. Went through the same period after Sabin's loss...but this time, it's worse, more pervasive, more enduring, more part of my skin. I hold my breath whenever I or we are on the way home after having been out....like all this bottling-up of emotions while out lookinig for distractions will find some kind of merciful resolution once I'm finally back at home....she'll BE there and this nightmare will be over!! But there's only silence when the door's opened....dead silence. We seem to enter reverently, scared to break.....something. We put away our things and there's still just nothing. No one to yell so inconceivably loudly, for such a tiny girl, "You're HOME! Where WERE you?!?!?", no one to greet and kiss hello. We each peak at the couch, catching a glimpse of my 'surrogate'-Nissa's head ( the stuffie I'd had to buy )....not grey but dark brown and all wrong. Just her pictures, the last few ammalgamated flowers from her 5 bouquets sent to honour her......oh, God, her departure. THAT reality...the one that just....can't....BE! We still automatically check the litter as we pass by ( hardly anything's been put away, and probably won't be for a long time yet ), check for any possibly-eaten crunchies in our absence though there's now not even a plate on the floor, step around where water bowls used to be. Each room, checking this and checking that...even when leaving the house - Is the stove off? Are there crunchies out? And the emergency bags of crunchies? Is the heat up enough? Fresh water in all her bowls? Pillows rewarmed enough? All windows and doors secure? How soon will I be back, so I can tell her? Did I say my prayer over her and surround her with protective, healing Light? A million habits, all part of my entire being. All these, and even more, but now....

No need....no need....just the household basics...hardly anything now, almost everything was done for her, not us.....and I/we can....just...leave...this empty house, this house without a soul, devoid of the biggest presence....from such a wee, dainty girl. The girl who ran this house....my GIRL!.... my girl....where are you?.......and why can't I bring you back?

[Precious' mom]

I'm sorry if my enthusiam for a pet's presence is too much for you! I just feel mine so strongly that the power of suggestion may help others who went through such a hard time. Precious did show me a sign this morning (twice!). One, Patches decided to sleep on the pillow beside me, as Precious once did. Two, there was a flock of 19 geese that flew overhead on the way to work after dawn this morning. Precious was 19 when he died, and he has appeared as butterflies, dragonflies and now birds! He's still here, most definitely, and comforting his Mum. I love him so!
Lisa