Tomorrow's The Day, Making the decision Options

[PuppyMom]

[FONT=Times][COLOR=blue]Some people know me as the dog lady. I have 4 beautiful dogs (I call them puppies even though they are all 10 years plus) and some people just don't understand. They are all my children. I love them so intensely and the people on this site can probably all empathize.

My Dixie Dog first started limping the beginning of March and then blew up like a balloon a few days later. The fluid around her sweet heart was so thick that the vet couldn't even see her heart. After 4 days of lasik and a loss of 15 pounds of fluid, she had x-rays that showed her heart very enlarged and bone cancer.

Since then, I've seen her quickly go downhill and today, she finally lost that beautiful light in her eyes. I sit here barely being able to look through mine, because I have made the decision to help her leave this world and go to Sammi and Lexi (the original Alfa when all 5 were here and my first kitty). I can't even believe that I'll be able to do it. I love her soooo much. I'm already doing the guilt thing like that I didn't give her enough attention, etc. The truth is that the amount of attention I've given these beautiful beings is like what most people do for their human kids.

How am I going to play God tomorrow and make this decision? How can I live without her?

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[Kim R.]

My heart breaks for you as I have been in your shoes. I had to make that same decision for my precious girl and best friend of 16 years, Sasha, nearly 2 years ago.

I can't even believe that I'll be able to do it. I love her soooo much

And that is exactly why you will be able to do it. You love her enough that you will live with the pain and emptiness of her being gone for the rest of your life so that she can be released from her suffering...there is no greater act of love.

How am I going to play God tomorrow and make this decision?

It says in the Bible that God has left his animals completely in our care and that we are to care for them as he would, so you aren't playing God, you are following his wishes. God doesn't want his beautiful creatures to suffer and it is up to us to make that decision for them if need be.

How can I live without her?

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will. I had my Sasha with me for over half of my life (from the ages of 14 to 30) and I couldn't recall a single memory that didn't involve her. I couldn't remember life before her and I didn't want a life without her. I honestly thought there was no way I could ever function without her, but I did...and I do. Even after all this time, I still think about her everyday, and sometimes I still cry for her (as I am right now while I try to type this) so it is a constant struggle for me to deal with her absence, but I do, and everyday I learn to deal with it just a bit more. We all deal with the guilt issues regarding not spending enough time with them, not letting them eat their favorite things, not taking them with us on that car ride because we were in a hurry, etc.. It's all part of the process of losing a beloved furbaby and it is all normal. I have no doubt that your precious Dixie wouldn't trade the home she has with you or the life that you have provided for her for anything in the world....you are as much her world as she is yours. You are doing her an absolute kindness by letting her leave this painful world and enter into that beautiful place that she so deserves where she can enjoy the company of Sammi and Lexi while they patiently wait for you to join them...in my opinion, they are the lucky ones....
You're in my prayers and I will be thinking of you and Dixie tomorrow.
Your friend in grief,
Kim