I'm Afraid.., Jake's boy to the vet Options

[Forever Jake]

I had to come on here to get this out--this may sound crazy, and I know I am probably being unreasonable, but, I am still scared. My little Bailey, Jake's son, is not feeling well--he has something wrong with his ears. I know that this sounds stupid--but after Jake died, I couldn't bear to take Bailey and Fritzie-Waffles back to that vet to have them tested for the feline leukemia and have them get all their shots, etc...I couldn't bring myself to go bak to the place where my baby died in my arms. I couldn't even drive by the clinic without crying. Now, Bailey has probably a bad ear infection--we found something wrong with the way he was acting today, just laying around, shivering, and his ears looked funny--we thought he had ear mites again (he was loaded with fleas, ear mites, and very dehydrated when we rescued him), and I looked in his ears and they were just awful. When I tried to clean the outside of them, Bailey hissed at me, tried to bite me (something he has NEVER done) and took off--so I called the vet that I took him to, and there is a test that has to be run and he didn't have that kind of equipment, so he suggested the animal hospital that Jake went to. Todd and I are taking him tomorrow evening, unless he is worse tomorrow morning--then they said to bring Bailey in first thing. The people there are great--it's just that I know that I am going back to where I had to say goodbye to my other baby--Bailey's daddy. He looks just like Jake and acts so much like Jake. I know this sounds stupid, I am just scared...and immediately my mind went back to that day with Jake..I mean, I thought I was doing well, and now all I can see is those last few moments..and I don't know how I am going to go back there without falling apart. I'm sorry, as I said, it probably sounds stupid, but I had to get it out, and I knew someone here would understand. Thanks for listening.
Sandi