People Who Don't Get It Options

[dogsrpeople2]

This is my first post and since you all are so eloquent and comforting, I was wondering if there's any advice for dealing with supposed loved ones who try to minimize your loss. It's hard enough just getting through the day for the past 2 weeks dealing with this horrible sadness. But how do I get over the anger I feel toward a significant other who shows less compassion than a total stranger? Surely somebody else has encountered such heartlessness? Please help!

[Gahagan]

Dear dogsrpeople2,

Firstly, let me give you my sympathy for your loss. Here, you are surrounded by people who are suffering pet losses too. We understand. [feel our hugs]

As for your significant other not acknowleging your grief... Do you otherwise have a good, loving relationship? If not, you may want to consider how this tragedy revealed an uncompatable aspect of your differences.

However, if you DO otherwise have a loving relationship then you many simply need to have a productive conversation with your partner. MANY people really do not understand at all what we feel as we grieve for our pets. To many people pets are just animals and animals are not for TRUELY loving. If your partner is one of those people, you cannot change this in the time frame in which you need---that is immediate---since you need sympathy and comfort NOW. In fact, you may NEVER change that personality traight. BUT, if this person is otherwise loving and good, then you should consider just telling that person how the Lack Of Support makes you feel. A person doesn't need to UNDERSTAND your grieving, they just need to COMFORT you through your grief, even if they don't understand it. Let this person know how it makes you FEEL when he or she attempts to discredit your pain. Explain to him or her that you don't need them to SHARE your grief, but you do need them to CARE enough about you to understand that your feelings are real to you.... and painful to you.... no matter if they are not understood by them.

Maybe your partner is acting this way because it is the only way he or she knows how to help you. I know that sounds rediculous, but maybe he thinks he can make you feel better just by convincing you your pet was not worth crying about. Partners can feel helpless when the one they love is experiencing something they have no control over. I see it every day in my profession... husbands of pregnant women trying to control everything and everyone in the room because they have no control over the actual pregnancy. (I'm an ultrasound tech specializing in ob/gyn).

It is worth having a conversation about this with your partner. In the meantime, talk with us. And again, I'm sorry for your loss.