This is my first post and since you all are so eloquent and comforting, I was wondering if there's any advice for dealing with supposed loved ones who try to minimize your loss. It's hard enough just getting through the day for the past 2 weeks dealing with this horrible sadness. But how do I get over the anger I feel toward a significant other who shows less compassion than a total stranger? Surely somebody else has encountered such heartlessness? Please help!

I understand totally how that feels. Two weeks ago my turtle died, and people didn't undertstand why I was grieving over that. Well, because he had so much personality and he was just sweet, and pretty playful too. That sounds weird for a turtle probably but I loved him all the same. But yes there are people in the world who will try to act like dogs, cats, hampsters, birds, turtles and everything else like that couldn't possibly have feelings or a soul. But the jokes on them. Because once you look into that precious little things eyes you know theres a little person in there. A very precious little person. Don't let that stuff get to you because you know the truth. Even though it's hard not to but remember we know the truth.

I totally avoid people like that. It must be so hard when it's your own significant other acting like that though. I just couldn't deal with having a significant other like that.
I don't think I could consider them a "significant" part of my life any longer. If I had no one to turn to I would just keep coming here. I wouldn't even discuss my grief with someone that acted cruel like that. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this with everything else going on at the moment....

****HUGS*****

Karen

I have advice!

Come here often! It seems that every single person here knows exactly what you're going through.

Over the past few days I have cried so much...almost constantly. I've even avoided phone calls because I know people will wonder why I am still crying. If your significant other doesn't understand - get on here and write, write, write. We listen and understand.



Terri

I just ran across this post and had to reply. I am a "freak" among my co-workers. They call me the "dog lady" (and not in an affectionate way), and even though I love all animals. And they laugh and make jokes behind my back when I am compassionate to an animal in need (which I see a lot of in my profession). Imagine what abuse I took when I caught a mouse in the office and set it free behind the building! I listen every day to "manly men (and women)" speak with the "it's just a dog" attitude and talk about hitting their dogs or throwing them out of the house and into the backyard because they barked or chewed on something. To me, there are many people, nay, WAY TOO MANY people with this attitude. The way I chose to deal with it is to ignore them the best I can and surround myself in my personal life with as many people as I can who are like me. Although some of my friends don't understand my compassion for all things four legged, they don't give me grief about it. And although for a long time I thought it impossible, I was lucky enough to find a man who loves our babies (six cats, two dogs) as much as I do. I would not have married him otherwise. I'm so sorry that your significant other doesn't share your love for your four-legged child and cannot support you in your loss. But please keep coming back to this site. It is full of people who all share one thing in common - our love of our four-legged children and our pain at their loss. Although we have never technically met, we do know you. We know what you're feeling. We understand your pain. And we are here for you.

Dawn

Dear dogsrpeople2,

Firstly, let me give you my sympathy for your loss. Here, you are surrounded by people who are suffering pet losses too. We understand. [feel our hugs]

As for your significant other not acknowleging your grief... Do you otherwise have a good, loving relationship? If not, you may want to consider how this tragedy revealed an uncompatable aspect of your differences.

However, if you DO otherwise have a loving relationship then you many simply need to have a productive conversation with your partner. MANY people really do not understand at all what we feel as we grieve for our pets. To many people pets are just animals and animals are not for TRUELY loving. If your partner is one of those people, you cannot change this in the time frame in which you need---that is immediate---since you need sympathy and comfort NOW. In fact, you may NEVER change that personality traight. BUT, if this person is otherwise loving and good, then you should consider just telling that person how the Lack Of Support makes you feel. A person doesn't need to UNDERSTAND your grieving, they just need to COMFORT you through your grief, even if they don't understand it. Let this person know how it makes you FEEL when he or she attempts to discredit your pain. Explain to him or her that you don't need them to SHARE your grief, but you do need them to CARE enough about you to understand that your feelings are real to you.... and painful to you.... no matter if they are not understood by them.

Maybe your partner is acting this way because it is the only way he or she knows how to help you. I know that sounds rediculous, but maybe he thinks he can make you feel better just by convincing you your pet was not worth crying about. Partners can feel helpless when the one they love is experiencing something they have no control over. I see it every day in my profession... husbands of pregnant women trying to control everything and everyone in the room because they have no control over the actual pregnancy. (I'm an ultrasound tech specializing in ob/gyn).

It is worth having a conversation about this with your partner. In the meantime, talk with us. And again, I'm sorry for your loss.