Losing Leroy, Unspeakable Grief Options

[karenmc]

To all of you here, my heart, what is left of it goes out to you. I searched and searched until I found this site to just express myself and share a common bond with other aching souls. My 18½ yr old Maine Coon died yesterday morning and I am devastated beyond words. Leroy was my constant companion, a faithful friend when I had none, and a trouble-making joy. He would "trill" us awake way too early, eat way too much - including things like thawing strip steaks on the counter that he helped himself to and come to bed with me every single night. This house is so quiet without him, I can barely stand to be here. The grief I feel is so overwhelming it is driving me crazy - sometimes I swear I hear him walking across the wood floors or meowing from another room. I can't sleep yet I'm exhausted. When he passed away, he took part of me with him and I'm not sure I'll ever get it back. Won't be too much Christmas spirit this year without Leroy under the tree, in fact I don't even want a tree this year since he won't be here to knock the ornaments off.
I'm grateful for a space like this to grieve openly about him. Thanks.