Devastated, AnnieBear's Passing Options

[anniebear'smom]

It was good to find this website and find out that others are as destroyed about their pet's death as I am. Our Annie Bear fell ill this past weekend. It was very sudden and we took her to the vet immediately. After a series of X-rays, they determined that she probably had an intestinal obstruction, something extremely common in dogs. We had planned to keep an eye on her and see if she passed the obstruction. The next day she got progressively worse. My husband slept outside with her in his sleeping bag because she kept getting sick and kept trying to go to the bathroom with no success. The next morning, as my husband made up for lost sleep, I brought Annie Bear to the vet for what I thought would be a pretty routihne surgery. Unfortunately, what they found wasn't an obstruction, but a tumor that had ruptured. We were forced to make a decision while she was still in the operating room. We had a similar experience with another dog, and couldn't bear the thought of Annie being in pain for our own comfort. We made a painful decision to put her down. The grief I am suffering is almost unbearable. It is so hard for me to accept that the dog that was happy and energetic just days before is now gone. I can't stop crying. I keep expecting her to come up and kiss and comfort me as she has done so many times before. She had a little bell on her collar that I keep hearing in my head. I think this may be so difficult for me because I was the one to bring her to the vet. Part of me feels we could have done something more for her.....I feel as though I personally sent her to her death. I know this is not healthy thinking, but it is hard to get that last look out of my mind. We made a memorial for her, a poster with pictures from our 7 years together. It is extremely difficult for me to look at the pictures from just a week earlier, when we went into the mountains in Flagstaff to view the foliage. She was so happy to be out with us, running ahead, and looking back for us, her expression saying, "come on guys, hurry up!" It's hard for me to accept that she is gone. My husband and I just passed our fourth anniversay together as a married couple. We just made a big move from the East coast to Arizona, and are starting a new chapter of our lives. My husband believes AnnieBear helped us make it to this point in our lives, that that was her role. Although I love this idea, I am utterly destroyed by her death and am having difficulty thinking about the good times, although I know, in time, I will. I welcome any comments or advice that will help me deal with this loss.

[luv_my_catz]

I am so sorry for your loss ~ My heart goes out to you ~ we share the storm of grief ~ I have read all the responses as well and some words have touched my soul ~

"Part of me feels we could have done something more for her.....I feel as though I personally sent her to her death. I know this is not healthy thinking, but it is hard to get that last look out of my mind."

And also for me this is so very hard ~ and especially with the sudden impact of his passing without warning ~ my dear lovely beautiful boy was not to be saved ~ this will haunt me forever.

"...the hurt pierces right through to your heart"

Yes, my heart is so icy cold in a place where innocent joy resided when I even just looked at him.

" .....truly know the void. In time you will heal but honor your feelings now and take care of you. Believe me when I say she knew you loved her and it was just her time to go.

~thank you ~ I am trying to honor my feelings however it is hard because I want to push them away for the intensity of the pain ~ Yet I do know it was time for him and now it is a time out of time for me ~ I am so lost ~

"I will try to go about my routine (one that is so different now, without the walks, and feedings, and playtime), and try to think about the silly things she did."

This one is very important for me ~ yet how much easier it is to remain inert and hidden from my self ~ this pain this disillusionment ~ the sudden-ness of it all has me reeling off in a sideways spin ~ I am praying that in time I will be able to remember more ~

"It's not uncommon at all to have dreams or get other signs. "

I did have a sign Saturday night ~ he showed himself to me in a dream and I asked him it is really you ~ and he looked back at me with a knowing look ~ penetrating my heart with a resounding - Yes ~ then a blinding light and he was gone ~


Sincere Comfort to all ~ May the Peace the passes all understanding be yours ~ May we all be held in the hollow of His hand in the days to come ~

Love and Peace ~ Kathryn