Devastated

It was good to find this website and find out that others are as destroyed about their pet's death as I am. Our Annie Bear fell ill this past weekend. It was very sudden and we took her to the vet immediately. After a series of X-rays, they determined that she probably had an intestinal obstruction, something extremely common in dogs. We had planned to keep an eye on her and see if she passed the obstruction. The next day she got progressively worse. My husband slept outside with her in his sleeping bag because she kept getting sick and kept trying to go to the bathroom with no success. The next morning, as my husband made up for lost sleep, I brought Annie Bear to the vet for what I thought would be a pretty routihne surgery. Unfortunately, what they found wasn't an obstruction, but a tumor that had ruptured. We were forced to make a decision while she was still in the operating room. We had a similar experience with another dog, and couldn't bear the thought of Annie being in pain for our own comfort. We made a painful decision to put her down. The grief I am suffering is almost unbearable. It is so hard for me to accept that the dog that was happy and energetic just days before is now gone. I can't stop crying. I keep expecting her to come up and kiss and comfort me as she has done so many times before. She had a little bell on her collar that I keep hearing in my head. I think this may be so difficult for me because I was the one to bring her to the vet. Part of me feels we could have done something more for her.....I feel as though I personally sent her to her death. I know this is not healthy thinking, but it is hard to get that last look out of my mind. We made a memorial for her, a poster with pictures from our 7 years together. It is extremely difficult for me to look at the pictures from just a week earlier, when we went into the mountains in Flagstaff to view the foliage. She was so happy to be out with us, running ahead, and looking back for us, her expression saying, "come on guys, hurry up!" It's hard for me to accept that she is gone. My husband and I just passed our fourth anniversay together as a married couple. We just made a big move from the East coast to Arizona, and are starting a new chapter of our lives. My husband believes AnnieBear helped us make it to this point in our lives, that that was her role. Although I love this idea, I am utterly destroyed by her death and am having difficulty thinking about the good times, although I know, in time, I will. I welcome any comments or advice that will help me deal with this loss.