My Angel Kitty Is Now Gone Options

[BastiansMomma]

I stumbled upon this site last night while trying to cope with the loss of my kitty, Bastian. It was touching to read other posts and know I am not alone in my sorrow. Bastian was 13 years old and was diagnosed with kidney failure about 2 weeks ago. I was devestated. She was my best friend, confidante, my angel. They wanted to do fluid therapy, but told me it would only prolong her life a little. I chose to keep her at home with her mommy and daddy, where she felt safe and cared for. I fed her and made sure she drank a lot of water. I even gave her water in a syringe when needed. She started to zone out, walk differently, not sit right. I knew that my kitty was dying. I came home Monday from work and my husband said she was acting strange all day. She had not been the kitty I knew in a while, the spunk had left her. I could tell it was getting close to her time. I did not want her to suffer so I had to make the most painful decision ever. We had her put to sleep that night so she can rest and play and have no pain. We stayed with her while it happened so the last thing she heard and saw was us. A part of me died that night. My little boo was gone. I keep crying and keep looking for her. She slept with me every night and now she is not there. I miss her so much, it's such a physical pain. My husband is upset too, but I had raised her from a little kitten and she was my princess. I know she is at peace now and I did the best I could with her. I know she had a good life and she knew she was loved and that she loved me. Still I want her back. I want to curl in a ball and disappear. I have dreamt about her these past 2 nights and to wake up with out her little paws touching my face, breaks my heart. I know this is a bit of a ramble, but I want to say thank you for all that have helped with a kind word, story or support. My heart goes out to everyone and their loss. I just wish I could stop this hurting, this hole in my soul, the ache that my body feels knowing she is not here.
Bastian kitty, mommy loves you and misses you more than you can imagine. Go play and have fun my angel and I will see you soon.