I stumbled upon this site last night while trying to cope with the loss of my kitty, Bastian. It was touching to read other posts and know I am not alone in my sorrow. Bastian was 13 years old and was diagnosed with kidney failure about 2 weeks ago. I was devestated. She was my best friend, confidante, my angel. They wanted to do fluid therapy, but told me it would only prolong her life a little. I chose to keep her at home with her mommy and daddy, where she felt safe and cared for. I fed her and made sure she drank a lot of water. I even gave her water in a syringe when needed. She started to zone out, walk differently, not sit right. I knew that my kitty was dying. I came home Monday from work and my husband said she was acting strange all day. She had not been the kitty I knew in a while, the spunk had left her. I could tell it was getting close to her time. I did not want her to suffer so I had to make the most painful decision ever. We had her put to sleep that night so she can rest and play and have no pain. We stayed with her while it happened so the last thing she heard and saw was us. A part of me died that night. My little boo was gone. I keep crying and keep looking for her. She slept with me every night and now she is not there. I miss her so much, it's such a physical pain. My husband is upset too, but I had raised her from a little kitten and she was my princess. I know she is at peace now and I did the best I could with her. I know she had a good life and she knew she was loved and that she loved me. Still I want her back. I want to curl in a ball and disappear. I have dreamt about her these past 2 nights and to wake up with out her little paws touching my face, breaks my heart. I know this is a bit of a ramble, but I want to say thank you for all that have helped with a kind word, story or support. My heart goes out to everyone and their loss. I just wish I could stop this hurting, this hole in my soul, the ache that my body feels knowing she is not here.
Bastian kitty, mommy loves you and misses you more than you can imagine. Go play and have fun my angel and I will see you soon.

Dear Jen,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Bastain. I know these first weeks will be the most difficult. Shiloh has been gone for almost 8 months now, and although I've come a very long way in my healing, I still miss her. As Sen said, this website has been a great source of comfort and healing for me. I hope it will be that for you, too.

You're in my thoughts,
Kathleen

Dear Jen,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I fully understand and share your pain. Please come here daily if necesary and talk as much as you need to about how you are feeling.

Talking with people who have recently experienced what you are currently going through will help more than anything with dealing with the knife-like pain that is presently piercing your heart. We've all been there and this place can be your "shelter from the storm." You've taken the first step by reaching out for help and I sincerely hope you will find the comfort, understanding, and peace you are seeking.

Take care,
__Jim

Jen,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally understand the pain you are going through and I wish I could make it better. You and Bastian had a wonderful life together. As hard as it is now, you have so many wonderful memories that will live on. Bastian is at the Rainbow Bridge playing with all of our furbabies and waiting until you join her.

Please come back a talk with us anytime you want. We all understand.

Hugs,
Dawn

dearest Jen,
i am so, so sorry and sympathetic for your loss of your beloved Bastian. I know that you loved her so well and completely, and you will be guided on your journey of grief.
2 months and 1 week ago, i helped my 16 year old cat jupiter die. he also had renal failure, as well as some digestive conditions.
i thought i would die from the pain of losing him.
coming here and writing about it, and reading about other people's losses, has had such a healing effect on me. there is still searing pain sometimes, and now there is also softness and acceptance, where there was once only rage, sadness and hopelessness.
i honor your pain, and send energy for your transformation of that pain.
i'm sending you, and the spirit of Bastian, love.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your darling Bastian. It is so very painful and heart-rending when we lose our best friend, as she was to you. It sounds as if you gave her the most wonderful and loving life that a kitty could have. What a lucky little baby to have had one loving home right from a baby kitten until it was time for her sweet spirit to go to Rainbow Bridge.

I know how bad the pain is in those first few weeks, it is like a big empty hole in your heart that you feel will never ever heal. Be gentle with yourself, don't fight the grief, she was your baby and the feelings you have are in honor of the closeness between the two of you.

It is a journey that has to be taken one step at a time, day by day. Come here often and talk about your sweet and precious Bastian to us. You are among friends here who understand the pain of what it is like to lose a precious furbaby.

My thoughts are with you and your darling Bastian

with love
jilly

Your Bastian kitty sounds as though she was just wonderful and I am sure you miss her so much. I am so sorry that she had to go through so much pain, she is free from all pain now. I know it still hurts but that though got me through when I lost both my girls.

Yes when we lose them we do have a big hole in our hearts and it feels as though it will never get better. The pain is almost unbearable the first few weeks but it does get easier with time. It is just so hard the first few weeks and the tears are many and you should just let them flow. I am so glad we all have each other and we don't have to walk this journey of grief alone.
Ann

Dear Jen,

Our hearts are with you in your loss of Bastian. You are in a place where all have experienced your pain and will do our best to support you in any way we can.

Hugs,

Pat

Dear Jen,

I am so sorry for your loss. You had a wonderful life with your little girl. May I ask where you got her name from? It sounds like the egyptian goddess name Bastet. I have a little ocicat named Bast.

Your sweet girl is no longer hurting and is in a better place. Her spirit will always be with you and the love you shared will never die. In time the pain will turn to all the wonderful memories you shared with Bastian.

My thoughts are with you,

Kim

Thank you everyone for your replies. It does make it easier to know I am not alone. I have been reading other posts and crying at the poems and the words of love. I keep trying to play with my other kitty, Fred, and smother him with bunches of love. I am going though the motions of everyday life, it's hard when I am at the house and especially in our bedroom where she loved to be and lay on my robe. The pain is still there but I must say I am able to muster strength and get though my day.

Kim, Bastian is actually Sebastian, but since Sebastian is more of a male name, I shortened to Bastian. I had a thing for the Little Mermaid movie and loved the crab in it, so she was named after him .

Thank you again for all the replys and the encourgement. It means more than I can ever express. Maybe one day, when the pain is dulled, I can be of help to someone else like me.

Dear Jen,

Oh, how I feel your pain. Kidney failure is one the major diseases in older cats. To not have their presence is like "living hell". It makes you feel sick at times. I want you to know that you extended to Bastian the most loving gift you could give by releasing her from her suffering.

We are here for you. We share your grief and your loss.

At some time in the future, when your heart is not aching so, the wondeful memories you have of your precious Bastian will coming flooding back to you and you will experience them with great joy.

You will find solace and comfort here. You will see your special little girl again one day. Hold fast to that!

With love and sympathy, ((((and hugs and purrs!)))

--Susan
~ a voice for the voiceless ~

Dear Jen,

I'm so sorry about your sweet Bastian. As everyone else has said, you've come to the best place as we all know the pain you're feeling. It's so hard to have our precious pets gone from our sight and our everyday lives. It seems unbearable in the beginning. Things will get better and the pain won't always be as raw. It just takes a long time.

Post here often.............We're all here to help.

Thinking of you.

Lynn