I Had To Put My Nicu To Sleep This Morning Options

[kuantummekanik]

He was my best friend. My Siamese cat who I found on the street when he was just a couple of days old. I'm sitting here sobbing as I type this because he is the only living creature who has stuck by my side for so long. I do not have a reliable family. I am single and not very attractive so I don't have a lot of hopes for having love in my life. Nicu was it. For 14 years and 5 months, he was my sweet little boy. He had kidney failure and this morning at 2 a.m., he struggled to crawl onto my chest and lay there. He just looked at me and I knew he was ready. I took him to the emergency pet clinic and held his head while they gave him the shot. I thought it would be a relief when we went, but it wasn't. I miss my little boy so much. And now I am all alone in this world, just like I always knew I would be. And I don't want to live. I want my sweet little boy back.

[pamurchu]

[SIZE=7]I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. My mother had a Siamese boycat when we were growing up. He was so protective of me, almost like a dog would be. The love you showed to Nico will endure. Please remember that you have friends on this page that you can count on when you are feeling at your lowest, be they cyber ones. This page saved me a few weeks ago when I unexpectedly lost my Sheltie, Bailey. Sometimes, our friends and family do not understand us "pet people" as well as strangers do. And when the time is right, (You will know when.) , consider finding another "friend" to share in your life. Come back to this page and let us know how you are doing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
Pat

[Luna]

Kuantummekanik,

I'm so so sorry for your loss of your cat. Words are hard to find. Your story brings up the grief I feel for losing my Theodore. Please rely on us to help you through this tough time. Talk it through. The grief journey is a challenging one and you need all the support you can get. Take care of yourself.

Luna

[kuantummekanik]

Thank you both, Pat and Luna.
I'm still crying and the tears just won't stop. All of his stuff is still here. His hair is still in my oriental rug. His last meal is still on the kitchen floor. I just want to sleep and I can't. I don't even want to feel better. I just want to know he's well. But he's not. He's gone and I'll never see his sweet little face again. I'll never hold him again. I have not cried like this since my mom died when I was 16. I don't understand life at all. Thank you both again...
Ron

[luv_my_catz]

I am so sorry for your loss ~ I know well the last day of the CRF struggle ~ somewhat peaceful yet filled with feelings of howling at the moon on a dark night cold wind blowing ~ yet amid it all there is the love and the cloud of gold and pink that surrounds you both ~ it is spiritually powerful to experience this passage with your soul mate and friend ~ the pain is so difficult to experience ~ I was once told by another member of this community that the pain is because our hearts are growing larger in order to accomodate this new way of loving and relating to another soul ~ that is outside of the visible ~ and now gazing at us from behind the veil ~ I picture that veil as a crystalline curtain that separates the earthly from the otherworldly that are parts of our spiritual journey together ~ My heart goes out to you ~ Sincere thoughts, Kathryn

[Norah'sMom]

Dear Ron,
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend. I've always thought Siamese cats were so beautiful. I've lost two precious dogs in the last year so I definitely know the depths of your sadness. I encourage you to consider that you may see your boy's sweet face again one day. I'm not going to start rambling about why I believe that, because I understand that some people don't agree. But I will share with you that when I lost my Allie nearly a year ago, the next morning I saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky, which signified to me the covenant that God has with all his creatures (Noah's Ark...). Now, I just lost my Lucy on Saturday. This morning I saw a little rainbow across the kitchen table, from a glass of water that sunshine was streaming through. And I had a feeling of peace. I knew that the little rainbow represented my Lucy.

I was very sad to read that because you feel you are unattractive that there is no hope for companionship. I believe that for each of us who desire a human relationship, that there is someone out there for us. I'm certain that with your love for Nico, you must have much beauty, love and joy in your heart that will radiate through to the outside. All animal lovers have a certain glow in their hearts that is evident.

Whether it's in the form of another furry friend one day, or even a person, or both, I pray that you will find the friendship and joy once again that you had with Nico. But right now, in the depths of your sadness, I know that you cannot think about these things. So please know that in your darkest hour, you still carry your love for Nico in your heart. And while many tears will fall over the coming days, weeks...or longer, your hour of dispair will pass, and be filled with the memories that Nico brought into your life.

With love,
Jenny

[Laurasdogs]

Ron,
My heart goes out to you too. I hope you will consider antidepressants, even if you take them just for a little while. After my baby girl died (dog) two months ago, I called the dr. and asked for them and got them and they really helped. We all have things in our lives (jobs, etc.) that we have to do even in mourning. As for never finding love, did you know there are matchmaking web sites for singles who are animal lovers? I'm not sure of the names but when you feel better, you can do a search. That way, you will have something in common with others right away. As for not being attractive, it is in "the eye of the beholder" and not everyone is shallow so that's just a matter of your own self-confidence. I know one animal never replaces another and right now I can't even think of another dog but maybe in time you can adopt a homeless baby who will need all the love you can give it.
Sincere condolences. Laura

[samhaincat]

I am so sorry this happened and I know first hand how painful it is. Nymph too had kidney failure and she too would climb onto my chest in the last few weeks and cuddle close to me. TOday I got the call that her ashes were ready for pickup, which made me come running back to this site.

Try to focus on the happy memories you shared and know that his spirit is not gone, it is always with you and the love that you shared doesn't die, the love lives on.

Now isn't the time but eventually you do not need to be alone, somewhere out there at a time when you are ready is another little soul or two that needs someone to love and to be loved.

Let the wonderful memories you shared bring you peace and healing right now, know that the love doesn't die.

[kuantummekanik]

Thank you all who responded for your support over the loss of Nicu.

It's been 16 days today. Most of the tears have stopped, but the automatic stuff hasn't. I still rush home after work because he hasn't had wet food in 9-10 hours. I still look for him in my bedroom when I walk through the door. I still make sure I step lightly out of bed first thing in the morning because I don't want to step on him. I still have to stop myself from going to the kitchen first thing in the a.m. to feed him. I still see him out of the corner of my eye, purring at my side, when I'm working on a script or some other writing project.

I guess the saddest thing is that he doesn't come listen when I play the piano anymore. Oh, how Nicu loved music. It would put him into a trance and I could always judge whether I was playing well or not by how quickly he came and how long he stayed to listen.

My life seems really sterile now. Kind of like a blank sheet and I don't know what to write on it and I'm afraid of writing anything at all because it might be the wrong thing.

I miss him, I miss him, I miss him...

[luv_my_catz]

My heart goes out to you ~ I completely empathize and understand this emptiness and I share the lonliness and sterile life feeling and being a blank sheet ~ my reference points are gone also ~ losing Amber in March and now my rainbow wind and crystal fire CC is gone so suddenly ~

We have loved them ~ the vindication of their deaths if there could be one is that ultimately we are able to take the love to a greater level in our hearts and souls and spirits ~

Yet the wolves of my dark night of the soul howl mournfully ~ the eagle soars high with protection ~ the wolves run with mystical smoke in their wake ~ and I weep yet become cleansed with this greater love in my heart.

Tonight I burn a memory candle ~ I will remember your Nicu ~ May your heart find warmth and comfort and may your spirit be wrapped in the protection of your love and life together ~

It has not come to an end ~ now only changed form and we must find the way ~ This Old Irish Blessing is fitting ~ May the road rise with you ~ May the wind be always at your back ~ And may the Lord hold you in the hollow of his hand ~

Sincere Thoughts, Kathryn

[juls]

You are not alone.....ever. Everywhere all over the world there are people going through & feeling the same way. That's why we're all here reaching out to each other...because it makes us feel not alone. You hang in there & don't be so hard on yourself....you have no idea what God's plan is for you....whether you believe this or not. There are people who love and care about you....and there will be love in your life again. Hold on to these thoughts at your darkest moments.....I'm sending you a big hug and lot's of prayers.
Love,
Juls