It has been about 3 years since I lost my kitty Pushkin. I really appreciated this site back then, and I need you all again!

Yesterday, I brought my kitty, Loki, to the vet to get a dental procedure. Last year I found out she has lesions on her teeth and she had to have a few teeth pulled. So, this year, I thought I would be preventative and have her teeth cleaned. Loki has had no major health problems except her teeth for these past 10 years.

Loki is a very sweet, but highly sensitive kitty. She has always been terrified of the vet and most people. I dropped her off at 9:10 and headed to my parents' house to go for a drive and have lunch out. Once I arrive to our lunch spot about a hour away, I got a call from my vet saying that Loki was crashing. They had not even prepped her for the dental treatment. They were trying to resuscitate her. 10 min later I get a call back that she was dead.

I was/am in complete shock. I knew she hated going to the vet and was terrified. So my first thought was that she had a heart attack from stress. My vet is very experienced and talented, and had never had an experience like this before. He asked if he could find out what may have gone wrong.

About an hour later he called a back and told me she had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. This is the same disease that strikes young athletics that appear healthy, but have this undetected condition and causes their sudden death.

My heart is broken again. My Loki was so gentle and comforting. I know she appreciated my quiet household and this probably extended her life.

I know this is not my fault, but I wish I had of course known she had this condition. The extra stress of going to the vet for this preventative care I am sure put her in a state of panic that pushed her over the edge. I have this week off and had so hopes to enjoy the sunshine with my kitty. She loved my yard and would get so excited when we would sit outside together. It has been raining here so much this winter, I hate losing this Spring and this special time we would have had together.

The other sadness I have is that I was thinking of canceling this appt thinking that I would like more time this week to enjoy with her. I had bad feeling about this trip. Mostly, I felt that I wasn't sure if it was completely necessary to have her get her teeth done in which they had to put her under. I knew she did ok last year. So I know my thought process wasn't bad. But, I kind of wish I had just left her alone. I do know that this condition would have taken her. And maybe it would have been worse because it would most likely have happened at home. But of course right now I wish I had her.

I appreciate this forum: for the support and the opportunity to share my Loki's life.

Hi, Beth, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Loki. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the prvilege of their company. When we lose their precious physical presence suddenly the heartbreak is more painful.

Beth, I'm very certain that if your vet had any questions about your precious Loki surviving the dental cleaning he would have told you so that you could make an informed decision to either approve or cancel the procedure. ,But I know this is of little comfort to your broken, shattered heart.

Beth, I wish there was something I could I could do for you that would take this piercing pain away from your heart, but I do not have that power. All I can offer you is my sincerest friendship in the hopes that somehow, in some way, it will help comfort you in this time of deepest sorrow that your heart will ever know on this side of eternity. Please know that I am here with you, for you, and beside you with every step of your grief journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Loki with us, Beth. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to posting a picture of her, if you would like to - - but only if / when you are up to that. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Beth, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Beth,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious Loki. Loosing her so suddenly is shocking. This was completely outside of what you expected from a dental procedure. You made the decision to have the cleaning done with the knowledge that she was fine last year after the dental procedure. I'm glad that you realize that the peace in your household probably extended little Loki's life.

Please try to take it one day at a time for now. This grief journey is very painful. And know that I share your pain along with others on this forum.

With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Thank you, Moon_beam and Juturna. I appreciate your support. I'm feeling better today, but the sadness still comes in waves.

Here's a picture of my Loki.

Hi, Beth, thank you so much for honoring us with sharing a picture of your precious Loki. This grief is, as one of our correspondents shared, like drifting in a category 5 hurricane in a raft with toothpicks for oars. The waves of the grief swamp us, and just when we think we're seeing the promise of a safe harbor another wave overwhelms us and we're swept back out to the depths of grief. The good news is the storm of deep grief does eventually pass and we find ourselves in calmer waters. And, as you look around you find that you are not alone - - there are others with you, beside you, and for you who are sharing the stormy seas with you and are helping keep your raft afloat and pointed in the direction of a safe harbor.

Thank you again, Beth, for sharing your precious Loki with us. What a beautiful little girl she is. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Beth, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Beth,

Thank you so much for sharing the photo of your precious Loki with us. She is so beautiful!

The sadness during the intense grief can feel overwhelming at times. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better at times.
Please know that you are not alone here. It is my hope that you will continue to let us know how you are doing.

With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna