Lucy had undiagnosed seizures for over a year, mostly controlled my medication. She was 13. She had a bad bout of pancreatitis in November, spent a week in the hospital, but bounced back really well. In the past few weeks her seizures had become more frequent, but the vet said I was supposed to expect breakthrough seizures and they would check her phenobarbitol levels next week.

About 8 hours ago, I hear what sounded like Lucy getting into badness from the other room and sent my son to check. She'd gotten my Happy Eye Pillow, a little silk pillow filled with flaxseeds and torn it open. She ate a bunch of the seeds. Now I have scoured the internet and couldn't find anything that said flaxseed is bad for dogs, just the opposite - a lot of advice to add it to their food - so I think what happened next has to do more with her brain than the flaxseed. The seed made her stomach upset and she threw up several times. She seemed fine for a few minutes, and then she had a partial seizure. Every time I tried to move her she'd start seizuring again. The the seizures stopped and she was comatose. She didn't react to any stimuli at all, not even a hard toe pinch. My husband is out of town with the car so I had no way to get her to the ER vet, but it looked pretty hopeless anyway.

I tucked her into bed with me and just held her for a few hours. I slept for a bit, and she was still with us when I woke up three and half hours ago. I picked her up and put her on her comfy cushion, resting her head on her favorite plush toys and covered her with the blanket she liked to steal from me. I checked on her every few minutes while I searched the internet for any advise, any hope. Finally her breathing became loud and irregular. I snatched her up in my arms and I could feel her heart beating so fast under my hand. Her entire body was limp except for her front legs, which were very stiff. And then they suddenly weren't stiff anymore. I couldn't feel her heart anymore. She took a few more ragged breaths, then her bodily functions let go, and she was gone...

I'm just devastated. My whole family is. We knew we were on borrowed time - they told us that the sudden development of seizures in an older dog was almost surely a brain tumor or some type an aneurysm, and not treatable. But I can't bear it that she's gone.



This is Lucy Jo when she was just a few years old. Good night my beautiful princess. I will miss you forever.

Dear mmholt

Please let me offer my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beautiful, Lucy. She looks adorable, bless her dear soul.
The last few hours will have been unbearable for you, I know, but the main thing is that you were with Lucy, loving her and caring for her, in the place that she would want to be. She would feel your love and that will have eased things for her.

I lost my two Angel girls within 4 years of each other, and it's such a hard thing to bear. We miss their physical presence so very much. I do feel that they are with us for all eternity however, always watching over us and wanting us to think of the happy times we shared with them.

I wish I could take away some of the pain you are feeling, but I know that whatever anyone says or does, will not really help right now. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending thoughts and prayers to you and Lucy and your family.
Please come back and let us know how you are , whenever you feel able.
Hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

mmholt,

I am so sorry. I just lost my cat Pele to sudden seizures on Wednesday. She was 13 also, and my only pet. I did the same thing as you, thinking of every new or out of the ordinary thing that might have led to her seizures. I had just washed her blanket and put it over her. I had just moved the houseplant and she had smelled some dead leaves. etc, etc... But your story is one of several I have read of pets around the same age developing seizures and then dying from them. It makes me so angry, but the message seems to be that it's pretty common for cats and dogs to develop seizures in their later years. Knowing that doesn't make it any better, except easing the pressure off blaming yourself.

I am not out of the woods myself with the whole thing, I'm a mess. But I wanted to tell you I know how you feel. This forum has helped, even just writing it out helps to begin processing the grief.

janika is right, you comforted your Lucy when she needed you. Even unconscious I believe a familiar touch and smell relaxes and calms. When it's my time to go I can only hope I'll be in the arms of those that care most about me.

Take care, one day at a time...

~ Jana

Thank you both. It was comfort just to post here when we lost our last two sweet girls, and it is a comfort now. Because I know that the other people here know how I feel. I'm sorry that others are going though this, but it is an inevitability - every pet is an eventual tragedy. I'm trying to take comfort in knowing that any suffering she experienced was brief. After the final seizure, she was comatose and unaware. There was no apparent pain or discomfort. I really think she was gone for hours before her heart finally stopped. I'd like to think that she was having lovely dreams. I hope that at some level she could tell I was holding her and she could feel my love. I wish the pain would stop.

Hi, mmholt, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Lucy Jo. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. I hope it does bring comfort to you that your precious girl joined the angels feeling the love of her earthly guardian holding her.

Janika and Jana have said things so well, I just want to affirm everything they have shared with you. This grief journey is a very painful one - - both emotionally and physically. It doesn't matter if it's our first, fifth, tenth, fiftieth - - or thousandth - - physical loss of a beloved companion. Each and every one is a unique journey because each of our relatinships with each of our beloved companions is unique and individual. It's a journey we never "get used to". And I hope and pray that you will know that you are not alone in your journey, mmholt. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Mmholt, thank you so much for sharing your precious Lucy Jo with us. What a sweet little girl she is, and how blessed you are to share the eternal love bond with her that belongs only between you. Please know that, although she is no longer physically present with you, that you will always have her sweet Living Spirit sharing your continued earthly journey just as she always has and always will.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, mmholt, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam