A few days ago we returned home after a few days to fine our family pet cat Bun-Bun having trouble breathing, we took her to the vet and quickly he said to put her down because of heart and lung problems. This pet was a family member for 17 yrs, a witness to the growth and development of our family, a family member who was alway there, always gave love alway sat quiet aside as we went on our daily duty's but was always there. I sweet face cat with a heart of gold. She touched our family so deeply and as left a hole in our lives. We regret doing what we did, maybe there was another way, maybe it was her time, maybe it did not have to happen. The entire family has been crying for 4 days, none of us can eat or sleep, or work, or go to school or work. We cant get over this. Maybe we made a mistake. I cant forgive myself for doing this to a family member. This was not our first pet or have we not been threw this type of thing before, it just happen so fast that I regret not giving it more time to develop. Our other pets all crying as much as the people in the family are. I cant bare to think of this as a mistake. I have tried to seek help for grief counseling but have not been able to find any.I am so pissed off at the vet and myself for jumping the gun. I don't know what to do..I failed my family. SOB why wasn't I given more time to think about this. Why can I have that day to do over ?

Please do not allow regrets to overwhelm you. I am sure you made the right decision. We listen to our vets because they have the medical knowledge of what is going on.

I lost my 16 1/2 year old boy, Little Guy, (my avatar picture) in the ER...when he couldn't breathe. We make that decision because we know they are suffering and we never want that. Never. A sweetheart at that age can have so much going on and things can happen so fast. I lost my boy's twin brother at age 10 with breathing problems happening and losing him within a week. Things can happen inside these little bodies so darned (wanted to use a stronger word) fast, we can only do the best we can at the time. Read my topic if you want to see what I mean about fast and devastating.

I will never forget that last day and how he came to us for help. I read later the horrible things he would have to go through to be able to breathe again....and the result would be very temporary..and so hysterical as I was...all I could think about was he was not to suffer.

Why weren't you given more time to think about it? Because a breathing problem is always an extreme emergency. It helps me to accept that when it is their time to leave us, there will be no cure, no answer, no help for them...it will be out of our control to stop it. If it is not their time, there will be the medical advice to help and it will help. You did not fail anyone. A power greater than any we know decided it was time and we have no say.

There are two sayings I have read from Pet Parents here that have helped me:

1. The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.

2. I have sent you on a journey to a land free from pain, not because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay.

I cannot say it better than what these parents said. It is true. My boy was immediately put in an oxygen tent but he was in big trouble. His chest filled with fluid although there was none there a week earlier. I read later on the Internet that to drain that fluid from an animal ...there would be help needed to hold them down cause the pain was that severe...and the fluid could come back at anytime.

I know 17 years is a major part of your life (as my boy was mine). I have to remember there WERE those years of health and happiness and love that I would never trade anything for.
You were wonderful to your girl for those years...she knew she was loved and she loved you all back. Of course, your other pets are grieving...they feel your hurt. And, unfortunately, it takes time for that horrible pain of missing them to become bearable.

But you did the best you were allowed to do at the time. I am sure you saved her from a lot of suffering. I asked my vet what would have happened had my boy not crawled to us and we ran to the ER...and her answer was...he would have suffocated to death. I would never ever want to think I allowed that to happen by trying to keep him with me when I knew there was no cure.
Sometimes I think these sweethearts develop symptoms as bad as these...cause fate or whatever..wants to be sure we can't help them with something as severe as this. It is the cruel part of life that I will never understand and will always hate. But it is there.

You mention grief counseling. What I did was a few days later I called the vet's office and told them to ask her to give me a call when she had a few minutes as I wanted to talk to her about my boy. She did call later that day and answered all my questions, spoke to me at least 1/2 hour, and said although she was not allowed to say so at the time, if he had been her kitty, she would have made the same decision. She was the one who examined him and gave him oxygen and saw his condition, and told me she was very glad I was able to make the decision because for him it was the right one. He could not be cured. That was my grief counseling that helped me. I just simply said to her that I know in the ER I was hysterical inside and crying so hard making that decision, I could not think about anything else except I didn't want him to suffer.
That's why I was calling her because now that I was calmer....I did need to reassure myself about what had happened and I needed the reassurance there truly was no alternative that would cure my boy. Maybe you might think of calling your vet and asking any questions that it might help you to know. The vet at the ER had not seen my boy before but she immediately gave him oxygen and took an x-ray and said she asked the opinion of the other vets there about the x-ray showing the fluid that was keeping his lungs from expanding to breathe and they all truly felt it was due to cancer and then she came in and showed us the x-ray.

Please do not feel you made a mistake. I don't know a vet who would be anxious to end a life if there was an answer to truly save it without suffering. But it might help you to let your vet know you are so devastated that it would help if he could answer some questions for you about your girl's condition, etc. I wrote my questions down before I called so I didn't forget anything.

Come here and write anytime. Part of healing involves venting, crying, writing or saying your thoughts and feelings. The pain never goes away completely because these best friends were a part of our lives and their memories never go away and when we miss them...the pain starts and many times so do the tears. It is so rotten to lose them...we could just scream...but then we are not in control and are unable to keep the diseases away that takes them away.

They will always be with us because they are really a part of our hearts and our memories and that cannot be taken away from us. We just have to hug each other harder and cry when we need to, and our other pets.....hug them more too and let them know they are cared about.
In time, as we settle down..they will too. They always just know, don't them? ...when we are upset (of course, sometimes the tears give us away).

Hugs to you and your family and your other best friends...and especially to Bun-bun. Her body can be taken but her soul and her spirit will never leave any of you. She is still "family" and always will be.

Judy
Take it one day at a time. I wish you peace and healing but it does take time to become bearable.

Dear George,

I know the questions you are going through in your mind, I think probably everyone here does. I see the pain in your words. The "what-if's" in the beginning are terrible. It's so hard to feel so helpless in that situation. I lost my cat Ren in August to heart disease (cardiomyopathy).

All I can tell you is that my Ren in end-state heart disease was on every heart med he could take, had his chest tapped the night before (they remove fluid from the lungs), and I STILL couldn't save him. I imagine your Bun-bun must have been in the end-state of heart disease, and that is why the vet made that call. The end stage of heart disease is pretty awful to watch. The vet must have made that call because he didn't want your dear Bun-bun to go through that. What you could do is call your vet and talk to them about Bun-bun, and ask him about his heart and why he made that call, ect. That might give some peace to you and your family. I know it's so hard to understand why things like this happen. We want with all our hearts and souls to have saved them, and yet still we lose them. They are so precious to us.

Just know your dear Bun-bun felt so very lucky to have such a loving family, and is still with you always. She will now watch over you and your family.

Hugs,
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

Thank you very much Judy for you heart filled advice. I am going to call the vet and maybe put some of my pain to rest. I must accept this and press on . I will think of her always and be glad for all the love she gave us. We have lost pets in the past but none this fast and really without any time to think about it. We had a Boston terrier with brain cancer and put her threw a load of x-rays,cat scans, Mri's and only to lose her in the end. She suffered at the end. I did not want to do that again. With bun-Bun the vet did say even with all the tests and stuff it very rarely turns out good. I was listening but it was so much to compute with her laying there looking at me with her trustful eyes. She trusted me right to the end. I hope I made the right decision.. Thank you for all your help and understanding , Bun-Bun would love you to..... God bless you

Please remember that a fear of suffocation is a primal fear common to all things that breathe.
Suffering aside, imagine Bun-Bun's fear and terror. Seventeen years is a good life, and while we wish thye could stay forever, it was a good QUALITY life for as long as it was.
You did right.

Yes I think so. thank you very much. It's hard to bring these feelings of regret to terms. She was a family member. I miss her so.. God bless

T

What precious pictures of Bun Bun. Look at the love in her eye's.
Wow 17 years--you must have so many wonderful memories, pictures, funtimes. No one can take that from you.

What you did was to give her a gift. The Gift of not having to suffer! I am sure she is grateful for that.
It takes a true caring person to make that decision!! I know it is hard to think right now, but don't blame your self. (it was a decision made from the heart)

As another said come often. We are here to help one another. If not for this place L/S I don't know what I would have done or who I would have turned to. Hope we can be of some comfort to you.

Bet Bun Bun is having lots of fun at the Rainbow Bridge!!!

Hugs to you and your new Angel Bun Bun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry for your loss of Bun Bun. I know the guilt you are feeling about letting her go so quickly. You have to remember the beautiful gift of love she gave your family for all those years. I lost my Arthur at only 2 1/2 yrs old. I totally wasn't prepared to put him down 24hrs after I left him at the vet. It seems from what I have read about others stories, breathing problems is a big huge concern. The vet called at 4am to tell us he was having trouble breathing and she felt it was best to put him down. I regret it each and every day still. I keep thinking I should have taken him elsewhere for a second opinion. But then I think of all the suffering he was dealing with and more if we prolonged it.
It's a head and heart battle for sure. It will take time and the day you think of Bun Bun with smiles instead of tears, then you will know you are healing from this loss. Hopefully it will not be a long journey for you. At 17, I think you did the right thing. Many years ago, my cat Whiskers became very ill. I selfishly held on to her and watched her suffer for 3 long months before she passed away in the house. Unable to eat, sleep, walk. I was young (yet old enough to know better) She was 18. I had her when I was 8. She was my sister. I vowed never to do that to another animal again.
When these beautiful, loving creatures touch our hearts, it doesn't matter how long we have to "think about IT", it's devestating either way. Time will heal your heart. It's the Rainbow's Bridge turn to have another beauty in it's fields. Bun Bun will forever remain in your hearts.. Hugs..Ann

thank you, I know she was a good girl and did not need to suffer anymore. I just cant believe she's gone. She was my right hand, You don't pay attention to it but she was always there. I miss her.. I cant stand to go home it so empty with out her. I see her in all the places she hung out. I look and she not there. I know shes happy now. I just miss her.. Thank you.. God bless you..

Thank you for your kind words, they are very comforting. Bun-Bun was the kind of friend that was always there, she stood quietly and watched over what was ever going on. She was always there. I miss here... I hope she forgives me.. I love her..I miss her. If I only had that day to do over.. Thank you... god bless you..

Oh of course Bun Bun forgives you. Bet she is Thanking you!!!
You have to remember humans can sign papers saying they don't want to prolong their suffering, but animals have no say unless we do it for them. Trade places and I bet she would have done the same for you!!!!! Bun Bun loves you so very much.

I too can remember not wanting to come home everyday. I would go to work, the store, just anywhere so I wouldn't be home. I would be ok till I turned the corner and could see my home, then it would hit again. I can promise you it will get better. I too can remember being told those words. It is hard to believe it right now as it is still so fresh for you. It has been about 8 months for me. I am not completely healed. (don't know if we ever are) But I can function once again. Her pictures are everywhere. She is my background on my phone so I see her everyday. I still have her 2 sisters and mother to take care of and I brought a new furbaby in a couple months ago.

Sending you many hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you very much. I never felt this way before. I am tossing it around in my head all day, day after day. I think I'm crazy. I am slowly convincing my self that it was the right thing to do but I cant get her face out of my head, her trusting eyes, she trusted me so. I cant help feel I betrayed her trust. Maybe it was to soon, maybe something else could have been done. I feel like crap. This is horrible. I cant wait till tomorrow , maybe it's going to go away then. I hate my house ,I never want to go back there. Work, I cant even think of that now. I went to church and prayed for her. I just cant get her face out of my mind.. I'm so sorry Bun-Bun.. I know this sounds crazy, this is new to be. There must be something wrong with me.. This cant be right..The remorse is unbelievable. I thank you very much for your kind words and I guess we all go threw this but I am struggling with this trust issue. I can believe I am acting like this. It's way out of line for me. I really appreciate your understanding, it's helps tremendously. I am constantly checking my e-mails to see if someone else went threw this type of agony before. I'm sorry if I sound like a nut. She was a family member , and I have to deal with this my own way. I love her, I miss her. I'm sorry Bun-Bun..

Thank you for sharing Bun-Bun's pictures....she is so very beautiful. I am glad you had this beautiful girl for the 17 years you did. We all know no time is long enough.

You are going through normal grieving and doubts and all the awful thoughts we torture ourselves with afterwards. After all we are talking about making a decision that is so final.

You talk about her trusting you and feeling you betrayed her trust. No way you did that. She trusted you to help her by doing what was needed to help her. You did that. You did that most unselfish act we can do for them....letting them go when every fiber of our being cries out to keep them longer...but then we would be doing that for us...when it may be not the best for them.

All this you are going through....many have gone through the same things...that is all a part of the overwhelming pain and grief that comes so quickly and we feel it will never stop. Of course you miss her....we all miss our special friends and we always will cause we love them so very much. Nothing can stop that love and the missing is the pain we feel. They will always be a part of everything for us and we will never forget them or stop thinking of them. That's why at first we really have to make the effort to get through it one day at a time and when we are sad, to force ourselves to remember a happy memory and in remembering....feel grateful we had that. Over time doing this...it becomes easier to forget the heart-wrenching sadness that consumes us. I find I can block out now the horrible memories of my boy's last day and all that happened. I can still cry missing him and I can look into his eyes in his pictures and cry (and just typing this brings tears) but what happened that last day was not a good day to remember how he was and how we were and in time....I cannot allow myself to dwell on those moments of decision.
It all takes time..it really does. We search everywhere for something to take away the pain but we know the only thing that would do that would be if our friend was still here but not in distress, and it feels so empty to realize that is not possible.

It is the cruel part of life we have to deal with as best we can. You are not alone in what you are feeling....we all have experienced such feelings. We know we just have to try to work through everything...one day at a time.

Disease can take the physical body but never the spirit and the soul and that's why Bun-bun will always be with you....she has her forever, pain-free home.....in your heart.

I am going to put a topic in the Cybershoulder section called "whatifs" about something I just read in the newspaper and it made me think of how often that thinking is used here when it involves life-threatening situations. Maybe reading it will help you.

We are here and listening, George. Come here and talk anytime. We all share the same pain and it helps to know we are not alone.

Take care. I wish you peace and healing but I know it takes time...it really does. You made the right decision for your girl. She knows how much you love her and her love matches yours. You gave her peace at a time the ugly side of life was affecting her quality of life.

Judy

There are many posts in the Section where members have gone through similar doubts and pain. I think if you start reading the stories here....you will understand why people here understand and can tell you....what you are feeling is truly normal. It really helps to realize just how much you are not alone.

TRUST She DID trust you. That is why you made that decision for her.

Nothing here is crazy. That is what this site is all about. Anything you say or do we all understand. Anything goes here. Everything you are feeling is NORMAL to us.

One day at a time then it will be weeks, months, and years.

We are here for you.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Judy
Thank you for knowing how I feel. I know now how you felt when you lost your little boy.
The unconditional love she gave the family was the most beautiful thing we as a family ever had. My children are grown and out on there own now and we all are grieving the lost of a spirit of the family's unit that's gone now. somethings missing that was there a week ago. Poor Bun-Bun she's all alone, non of us can except that. Time I guess has to pass for us to get on with our life's, but there is a missing piece of the puzzle we call a family. I don't know why we all feel this way, it must be in the grand scheme of things for this to happen. regret is going to be with me for along time. I have to deal with this alone for the sack of the rest of our puzzle. I am very happy I found you guys to help me vent my feeling. It is a great comfort to my family and me. Judy, I hope you find peace as well without your little boy. I never thought of myself as a religious person but this has showed me there must be a bigger plan then what I can know and feel about. Poor Bun-Bun I cant redo what I did but there must have been a reason for what happen, I will always remember her pretty face and the love she showed us. I miss her deeply.

Thank you sissycat. It is hard to think of her all alone, and cold. She loved our bed. She was a good girl. I miss her.. Thank you for all your help. I an so glag I found some friends to help me threw this. It's hard. bless you