Has anyone ever sworn off getting another animal altogether?

I've loved animals my entire life, was especially fond of dogs, but honestly don't see myself having one ever again. I can't go through this pain again. I can't believe I made the mistakes I did with my dog. I can't imagine carrying this guilt around for the rest of my life. People say I have to let it go and that with time it will soften. I've lost many other pets--3 dogs included-- but no loss has been this devastating.

It pains me to see dogs anymore, on TV or with friends or relatives. Life has been a nightmare since my dog died.

Has anyone decided they had to keep animals out of their life after a loss, and found they can be okay with it?

Hi there.

When I was a teenager our border collie was hit by a car. My parents never got another dog after that. I remember my mom really wanting one and my dad just finding every reason not to get one. My dad hates travel, but that was one of the excuses about never being able to go anywhere. They still never went anywhere.

What I know, deep down is that my dad never wanted to face the pain that he felt ever again. In fact with Ziggy being murdered he didn't say one word to me about being sorry or feeling bad etc etc. It's not because he didn't like her - he played with her when he visited and remarked about how she tried to grab him through the railings and other cute things she did. He just can't face talking about it and I think he shoves those feelings away to some dark quiet place. Do I think he is "okay" with the decision not to get another dog? No, not really. I'm not saying you should go out and get another - that is an altogether personal decision and many factors have to be considered. In my parents' case, I believe both my mom and dad would have had many years of love and care to give another dog, but my dad only remembers the pain of loss, and not the years of joy. When my old Merlin was euthanized at 17 I tried to remind myself of something I read on another forum about not wanting another pet because of the pain of loss. Someone said "how could you deprive yourself of all those years of joy?" And for me, this is very true. My pets have all given me tremendous joy and the loss is a part of that "deal" we make in getting a pet, because the only live so long.

Again, this is not to say the decision not to adopt isn't the right one for you - for many people, including myself, timing and cir%%stances are major factors and have to be seriously considered.

As for the guilt - I could also blame myself for many things that led to the cir%%stances of Ziggy's death - her outdoor freedoms, choosing the wrong vet when she was shot, not asking the vet more questions, phoning my husband about the quote the vet gave me (the vet later made the excuse that funds were an issue for us, therefore she did not suggest aggressive treatment), etc etc The day Ziggy got shot we were running around like maniacs getting ready for an international student who came to stay with us that evening. Now all that running around seems so senseless in light of what happened. Also when Zita disappeared, I barely saw her that day and am not exactly sure of my last memory of where she was - maybe on the couch, maybe seeing her in the morning. We can blame ourselves until the cows come home and it makes absolutely no difference to the outcome except to hurt ourselves more.

I do hope you will forgive yourself and realize that all of us here are human and we cannot possibly realize the potential outcomes of every situation. We simply cannot.

I wish you much peace and healing.

sending you love

Jan.

Hello hope2heal,

As Jan has said this is very personal, but in response to your question, I have not sworn off getting another 4 legged companion, but I doubt that I ever would. And for me it is not the pain of him going - that is immense and inconsolable. For me, my boy was it. Like for some people who lose a partner, they have no interest in finding another - my father never remarried after my mother passed on, and many people are like that. Sometimes there is just that special someone who leaves an indelible print on ones heart and soul which simply prevents any other relationship to occur again in that same way. It doesn't mean we do not love. It's just for me anyway, I think I found the most intense love I've known in someone who happened to have four legs and a fur coat. It's just the way of it. In the past when I went through the loss of another feline in 1986, I did vow never again because of the pain. And I didn't think of it again till 3 years later when something in me had shifted and I thought I wouldn't mind adopting another but this time I wanted adults and didn't want to do the kitten thing again and I would get two - girls I hoped. I did get two - adults yes, but both boys. And it ended up being 5 years. One of them passed on 17 months later and Magion and I were together for 17 years. I am simply not interested in another.

As far as the guilt goes, I am still experiencing it incredibly - the mistakes I made just loom up and there will be regrets that will remain. Life has been a nightmare since my dog died.
I feel the same since losing my boy - I just want everything over these last weeks to be a bad dream and to wake up and see my boy lying in bed beside me, looking at me, happy and healthy - and we can have wonderful hugs and so many kisses and I can breathe a huge sigh of relief and be thankful it was all a dream. A really disgusting dream.' Life is a nightmare for me too.

I hope you heal - it is just a really awful time - and letting go is not easy, it's one of the hardest things. I'm not there yet and others on this site will say the same.

I'm probably no help - but I hope you can find some comfort in the rest of us, who also feel like it's all too much. It's a huge adjustment and that can take a very long time, and does not need to be rushed.

Take care.

Wendi.

Zita'sMom and Magesmumma,

Jan, I am so so sorry--I went in and read your Topic posts about Zita and Ziggy. So very sad. So hard to lose them both in such a short span of time. My husband lost 2 of his cats outdoors; one was hit by a car and the other, though we can never prove it (and never got his body) we are 99.9% sure he was killed by a former neighbor. We shudder to think how.

Wendi, the "second runner up" reason for me too is that Patsy was the most wonderful, intelligent, loving dog I ever had. Just so special. I even used to call her "'Purdy' (pretty) Special." It pains me that I let Purdy Special down; I just know I did. I certainly don't want to believe it, and people have told me No, i didn't let her down, and No, I don't know that I did.

I don't know how I'm going to get past this.

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

hope2heal,

Just to share my own current thoughts on this question....

It's been 2 yrs. + almost 3 months since my fur-daughter left at 19 yrs., 7 months of age, after 6.5 yrs. after losing her brother (so now almost 9 yrs. after his death), and I'm still debating the same question - will I ever do this again?

Both of my furkids have said, through animal communicators (and in my heart, too) that they want to come back to me, together, like the last time. Really, they're the only ones I truly want (got plenty of reasons for that) and I'm just taking a well-needed break from all the stresses of care-giving I'd provided to my fur-daughter in her last years with us. Those stresses (and associated issues) were very hard on me and I need to keep recovering from them yet to get farther beyond them.

On the other hand, I'm not getting any younger and can't delay any decision for too long, if either or both of them would end up living as long as Nissa did (which I'd certainly HOPE for!!), as I'd expect myself to provide at LEAST as much intricate care for them once again, if not more.

However, of late I've been dealing with & trying to help several neighbourhood feline friends who don't even 'belong' to me, and whose families are far less than stellar with their care.....and so they're flocking to me and our yard, some of them daily. At least one of them really wants to move in, too. I'm now caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to convince their families to take proper care of them (not working out well so far), doing what little I can to help them out w/o also stepping on too many stupid human toes all at once, and I'm finding even this amount of effort and worry is straining and draining me right out.

I didn't bargain on this happening and in fact, until just recently, I'd been operating on the premise that I was just going to continue to heal, do some of the things I'd not been able to do before when I was a full-time Mom, put in place some practical things for the future, but THEN ask my kids to return to me.

But now I'm not even sure anymore whether I'd want my most beloved kidlets to come back to this stinky world, even though they'd be under MY loving care for the most part. There's still the question about finding a better-fitting local vet we'd all be happier with...and most of them here are absolutely TERRIBLE overall, so that seems rather hopeless, unless we move somewhere 'better', if there even is such a place! So for me, I DON'T really want anyone but my own kids, still, and yet I also shudder to think of them leaving the peaceful & safe plane they're now on, in exchange for this crazy world again. I don't know how I'm going to end up thinking or feeling later on anymore, as I was never sure at the start (of the grief) whether I could go through all this pain again, or if it would eventually soften enough to feel brave again. And of course, I also feel a bit guilty every single day, that I'm NOT adopting at least 2 more poor furries, 'mine' or not, who need a GOOD home (unlike the typical ones around here!), even though I know I'm not up to it yet no matter what anyone else hopes for.

In another way, I plan to work with animals, helping them in a professional capacity anyway, so for all I know that may be 'enough' for me now and I won't be totally w/o contact with animals.

So I guess you could say I'm still in limbo about the whole thing, which doesn't help you any with your question, but at least you'll know that others struggle with it, too, in their own ways and situations. But I'm glad I'm not the only one who's debating over this inside.

Why don't you just give yourself plenty of time to allow the answer to unfold in you? I know you're probably torn between not wishing to live like this now or possibly for the rest of your earthly time, and finding some relief from the sorrow in adopting again, but you really don't know yet how you'll feel much later (sorry, I don't know how long it's been for you yet). I think pretty much the majority of us go through the not wanting to be w/o our own kids, but not sure if we could ever either stand the pain of loss again, whether that's with them again (whether you believe in reincarnating again or not.....many people have become believers AFTER the fact) or with some other soul(s).....followed by the question of WHEN they might be ready if they decide to go that route. It's not easy to answer quickly and the best, most respectful thing we can do for ourselves is to keep listening to our inner wisdom and hearts, as things unfold. Maybe working on your guilty feelings is the best place to start for now and leave it at that FOR now, cuz that's a big and hard enough part of the process as it is.

And keep reminding yourself to just BREATHE. (((Hugs)))

after waiting for 10+ years to adopt another cat, i had two kittens die within 15 months. the 2nd one was particularly gut-wrenching since he died unexpectedly at the vet after a fairly routine procedure. i don't think it is in the cards for me to bring a new animal into my life, but that doesnt mean others should follow suit. having an animal you love in your life is rewarding, just not for me. with that said, if my wife wants to add another animal to our household i wouldnt stand in her way...but i doubt i would make much effort to get close to it.

time does heal loss, but history plays a major role in determining if you want to go through another loss.

I think it's probably up to each individual, what they feel comfortable with. I still have a pet family at home after Ren and Zorro died, but I did recently learn that my cat Ivy has the same disease Ren died of. I am SCARED to death to go through that again, and I am wonder how the HECK I am going to get through it. It was so scary watching the moments when Ren was having trouble breathing. I can't believe I will have to go through that with Ivy. But, I have hope because without it I would have nothing. My pet family at home does keep me smiling and loving... and for that I am grateful.

For me, without another pet in the house, the thought of coming home and seeing empty food bowls and unused toys, is too much for me to bear. The sadness would over-take me. Everyone handles it diffently, though. And I am sure you will make what-ever choice is right for you.

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

I agree with those who say that it is an individual choice. With that said, I would face the pain of loss countless times knowing how many enjoyable years I am giving my furkids. When I look at a furkid who is waiting for a home my heart naturally reaches out to them. If I can give them a wonderful life and take them out of their current situation I will do it every time even if I know that I will have to go through some very tough times at the end of their lives. There are never any guarantees in life when you adopt a furkid but I wouldn't trade the beautiful times I have with my guys here for anything. You have to have a tough constitution to go through the grief process and then face another adoption but there are so many furkids out there who do not have a home that I feel it would be a horrible shame not to share my life with them. This is particularly true in this era where people are struggling financially. Their pets are being dumped at shelters at a record rate this year and people with loving homes are needed more than ever now.

It is so difficult this year finding homes for furkids. Recently we were contacted by a woman who had found two Walker hounds in the road near her home. They were lost and starving after apparently being on a hunt. She tried but could not find their owner and she did not have room for them so she dumped them at our local kill shelter. They were scheduled to be euthanized the following week due to overcrowding at the shelter. We live in a mobile home with 9 rescue cats and a bunny so I had no room for them but I couldn't live with myself if I had let them die. We adopted them and called all over the state before finding a woman living 5 hours away who would foster and work with them so they could be indoor/outdoor pets. We had them neutered, all needed tests and shots given, and drove them to her. This is a work in progress and hopefully they will find good homes soon. My point is that there are so many needy cats and dogs out there now who are just waiting to be loved. They deserve it. Here is a photo of the hounds Elvis and Priscilla.

When you are ready emotionally please consider asking another furkid to share your life and home. If you feel you can give them love, go for it!

Ken Albin

It is such a heartbreaking event to go through when you lose a pet. I have had many pets over the years and I wish we didn't have to say goodbye.

There are so many animals out there that need to find a special forever home. Although the pain of losing a pet is great, think of the many joys that they bring. If you could find it in heart to open up once again, when the time is right, just think of what you can do to make a special home for a special friend that otherwise may be neglected or put down.

When we try to spare ourselves the pain of loss we can deny an animal the opportunity to have a loved and cherished life, no matter how long that time we can spend together is. Trust me, you will receive unconditional love from them too.

We try do our best as pet owners, but sometimes we make mistakes. Though we not always feel that we have done our best, we can learn not to make those same mistakes again. I made a tremendous mistake recently with my little Timba that I will always regret. It has been the most awful thing I have ever had to endure. However, I have so much more to give. For my part I will try to share and educate others not to make the same mistakes that I did. This helps with healing the pain of loss and my guilt because I am helping to educate others.

I hope you will reconsider. If you do decide to take another chance I think it is worth it because you are giving the gift of life and this is not something that all animals are fortunate to find. A new friend can also ease the pain of the passing of another. Perhaps, in a way, you can make up for any mistakes you feel you made with your baby by helping another have a happy life.

Take care and Blessings to you,

Allanna

Furkidlets' Mom and LS Support,

Furkidlets' Mom, thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are a tremendous help to those kitties and you are doing all you can for them. I'm sure they appreciate it. My mom is feeding a family of 3 cats herself. She's concerned because winter has arrived and they appear to stop by at all hours. Doesn't seem like the owners let them in. She's doing all she can, as her Beagle would love to attack the cats, and my son is seriously allergic to them, so she could never keep any indoors.

LS Support,

Thank you for writing and sharing your experience, and thank you for the great service you are providing here. I don't think I could do what you are doing. I suppose not physically having all these animals around makes it perhaps a little more bearable...?

hope2

Nemo's Mommy and Ken Albin--

Nemo's Mommy--Thank you for writing and sharing with me. I'm so sorry to hear about Ivy; I hope that somehow things can go better for you with Ivy than they did with Ren. It is hard coming home to emptiness but right now my guilt tremendously overweighs everything else. I am trying to bring myself to at least dismantling my dog's crate; I may even donate it to the animal shelter next week. Patsy would "Kennel up" whenever you'd ask her to...I can't stand thinking of all her wonderful ways and how I let her down.
It's too much.

Ken --

God bless you for taking in those 2 beautiful dogs. I'm glad you found someone else to take them in and that you gave them another chance at life. It always seems like the folks that give the most are the ones who already have a full plate--like you with your 9 cats and rabbit! Wow. Thank you again for writing. If only I could someday be like you the others here...I think now it's going to take a miracle...

Thanks again,
Hope2heal

Timba's Mom--

Thank you for your kind words. What tears me apart right now is just that: thinking of the unconditional love my dog gave me and I ended up letting her down, BIG TIME. I keep thinking of the ways that she was trying to get my attention and I guess I just didn't get it. She trusted me. I was always so attentive to her and I slacked off in the end. Perhaps some day I will not feel so much guilt and can move on. For now it is just a matter of getting through each day. I wish I could pick up and move out of this little house; I'm so reminded of her absence that I can barely stand it.

I did read your post about Timba and I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you did what you thought was right. Still, I'm sure this must be very difficult. I wish healing for your heart.

Sincerely,
hope

hope to heal,

I can relate to your feelings. I do still have another dog , she is an 11 yr. old Corgi and I pray she will be with us a while.. but loosing my beautiful baby boy who was killed by a car is the most devastating loss I have ever experiiced. The thought of bringing in another pet is just more than I could imagine. I feel so guilty that I feel unworthy of having another pet, even though I know I was a good mom and cared more than many do, I keep thinking that I would have him still had I done things differently. I have lost other pets and it took me a while before being ready for a new one. This time does really feel different. I still cry every day. I don't want another dog to fill the place that I hold for my best boy. I loved him more than I thought was possible. It was the purest love I ever experienced. It is a different love than I have for my surviving dog. It is one of those feelings that can only be felt and not really explained to others. So filling that with another is just impossible.

whatever you decide is what will be best for you and remember that what you feel today may change tomorrow or next week or next year. We are always free to change our minds and should be open to the possibilities that may come our way. So very sorry for your loss. Take care
annf

Hi Hope2heal, I was feeling really sorry for myself not too long ago. The guilt of losing Arthur came mostly from all the people who told me don't let him out. Including my partner, who is so devestated by this loss that he too said no more. Now, he saids indoor only. I thought, I can never have another I'm unfit, I want them to have freedom but I can't protect them all the time. But having lost a love like the one you had, 16yrs ago and it took 14 years to get another, I just want more. I have so much more love to give. That doesn't mean I love my boy any less now. I have to learn from the past. The way I deal with them, with my grief, everything. Now, I'm living with people who don't want them. I go to the shelter every week just to "hang out" with the kitties and soon to be a volunteer. This way, I get to be around them, I get to fill my void(I hope) for now. You just may need some time, it could be years down the road when your ready again. I understand what you wrote about not being able to see another dog..I was like that too. It most certainly is a deep wound..Only time will tell what you decide to do. You may see someone playing with their dog someday and boom, you think, I really need that back in my life.. You have to feel it in your heart and if it doesn't happen for you, then it's not wrong either, it can't be forced.. Wishing you much peace and healing.. Ann

in a short answer, yes. it helps knowing that people are coming here for a single purpose and that their needs, wants, and desires are met effectively. heading now in my 13th year with online pet support, i can say i 'burnt out' on the subject after a few years. while all truly unique, the animals and the death began merging into one single indistinguishable ball of despair. i've since move past that, but as many of you site veterans know i typically let the site run and be supported by the members here...they do the best good, i just work to keep the lights on

annf-- Thank you for sharing that. I also have an unworthy feeling. I know I did a lot of good things for my dog, but I honestly believe I slacked off at the end, and I don't believe I could do such a thing. I know if I want to move on I will have to, but right now there's just no forgiving myself. It's absolutely horrible. I've never felt this horrible in my life. I have experienced some guilt with all of my animal losses, but it seemed like after a few weeks or maybe one or two months feelings would be mostly converted into only grief. It's been over 4 months now with no improvement. I am sleeping and usually eating better though. But I really feel like this time I just let my dog die, and I feel absolutely sick about it.

annf-- I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear of Woody's passing. I read your post. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you too.

Sincerely,
hope2heal

ann--

Oh ann, if only I could be like you! I actually kind of envy folks like you. I do realize however that you have suffered a tremendous loss, and I'm so very sorry about it. That's a long time to have an animal in your life. The dog I had longest lived for 13 years (14, not counting the year he was with someone else before we adopted him from the humane society). I basically grew up with him.

I find it amazing how you are able to pick yourself back up and volunteer at a shelter... I hope you are able to work another kitty into your home life again one day...

Sincerely,
hope2heal

Just wanted to give my opion on the subject. Remember no one has your right answer.
I do believe it all depends on the person. There are also many many factors to play a part in your decision.
For me, I've had many losses, but this one has been the hardest yet. Lost Sissycat June 5 of this year. I know I do want more furpets sometime. (I still have 4 cats) I just don't really think I am ready yet. Part of that reason is because I know in the back of my mind that humans usually will outlive their pets. Like another person said The joy of getting to spend many great years is worth the pain of loss.
Just look at the great life we can give to them.
I know I will have to go through loss again, but I also know I will love many furpets again.

I definately would get another pet. Look how many out there need all of us who care so much for them!!

sissycat,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm so sorry to hear about dear Sissycat. Again, it's great that a person can have such an outlook as you do. I just don't see it happening for me again.

Everyone here at L-S is so kind; I wish all of you could be my real-life neighbors! What a great support system we could be for each other!

hope2heal