Hi people,

It is so good to know that there are so many kind animal lovers out there.
Yesterday we had to put our wild-eyed, grey, one-step-from-the-wild "Elliott bin Laden, Terrorist Cat" to sleep due to chronic kidney failure. I am in so much pain that I feel like I don't even want to go on. My husband and I have no children so our cats, dogs and birds are our 'babies'. Elliott was probably the most unique character I've ever had in a pet: clever, mischievious, deeply affectionate, and omnipresent in our home. I can't go anywhere in the house without running into a reminder of him, and behaviors that once annoyed me are now looked back upon wistfully.
I want him back. I don't want him to be dead.
He always wanted to be where the humans were, the center of activity.
When I am in the bathroom I am reminded how many times I caught him splaching in the toilet. In the kitchen I realize I no longer have to put half empty glasses in the sink because if I don't he will knock them over. On the screened-in porch his footprints are everywhere......In the spare room there is still a little 'nest' in my pile of dirtly clothes that I need to wash; his last resting place. I am utterly, woefully, inconsolable. This was unexpected, he wes only 10! We always thought that he would live a long, long time because he was so energetic and large and lean and healthy. I ache, I ache, I ache. I can't get away from it. This is too painful, much too painful.
I struggle to believe in god, I always have and yet, if I don't think that his spirit lives on somewhere in the universe then I'll go nuts. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart right now that I can't plug. I miss him terribly and the worst part is, I know it will go on for a long time, that the only way it will heal is through time and that is something that I can hardly stand.

so, I would welcome any words of encouragement or support, any words of wisdom, any advice you have for getting through this. I didn't want to go to bed last night because that was our special time. Every night he would race me upstairs to bed and then curl up under my arm......although, interestingly enough, last night Otis (our other cat) came in and curled up under my arm! He didn't stay very long, but it was almost like he knew I needed him. 2 years ago we had to put another cat to sleep (cancer), my beloved and favorite pet, Jet-boy: the Most Exquistie, Cute and Perfect Cat. That nearly killed me. He was 16 years old. I was just beginning to be able to think about him without becoming totally depressed and now Elliott is gone. It wasn't supposed to happen so soon....I'm not ready. I still need him. He didn't have a long enough life.

I'm so very, very sad.....
Thank you for listening,
Mikki

Whatever helps you is the right thing to do. Don't feel as though you have to rush to do the old regular routines. Do what you are comfortable doing. This is the horrible time for pain. I know what you mean about age 10..my Little Guy's twin brother, Keeper, we had to let go in 2002 and he was 10 at the time...it all happened in a week's time..we didn't know he had a cancer mass filling up his chest...he hid it all so well..acting normal. My Little Guy just had to go last September after reaching 16 the previous May of that year. No matter what the age...it truly is never long enough.

I did capture cat fur from the cat brushes and keep it in a ziplock bag. It feels as soft as it did when I first put it there. It feels alive..not dried out and there is something about knowing it belonged to them that means a lot.

At first, you may want to cry a lot...I did and I did cry a lot. I gave in at the time but as the days went on..I realized it didn't make me feel better..but if I felt like doing it...I would again. Yes, it takes time to heal. You have been through it with Jet-boy..so you know and remember. It may have helped having Elliott there with you. It helped me to have one still left as I lost one but last September I lost my last one and that was very different...I couldn't take the empty house and my boy left in September 2007. I hated the holidays that year and finally the day after Christmas I wound up adopting a shelter boy who looked like my twin boys. That's what helped me...my home was not empty anymore. But it is something we all work through and one day we will ask ourselves..what do we really want...what would make us feel better (and we know it is impossible to get our babies back).....that was the time, in December, that I decided I wanted to come home and hear that meow again. It was not my boy and will never be either of my boys or their sister...but my new one looks like them and I find a sense of inner peace seeing him stretched out sleeping or playing or whatever.....just being there without pain and suffering.

Do what you need to do to get through each day. You can post here your thoughts and feelings.
You can write Elliott a note here about anything you want to say to him. Maybe you will tell some stories about life with him...like some you just did...and maybe find a photo so we can see your sweet boy. We love pictures because they are memories of happy healthy times.

Many here can relate to having no children so these special ones are truly our "children".
Here all do understand exactly how you are feeling and we all share the same pain. We
know that pain all too well and we do what we can to cope with it. Posting helps..it really does.

And your babies now being Angels are watching over you and are listening to whatever you say to them...and know too, many here are also listening...waiting to help as best we can.

Hugs.....

It is the worst of times right now. We are here with you. You are not alone.

Judy

Mikki-Let me first say I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss of Elliott. You have come to the right place. This site was a lifesaver when I lost my 14 yr old furbaby dog Omar. It is coming up on 6 weeks now. I can't believe it's been that long. I can honestly say that the 'heart wrenching pain' is almost gone, but the sadness and the tears are not. It's funny how the things that used to bug us about our furbabies are now the things we would so love to have. I miss the balls of fur he would leave behind when he got up from his favorite spots. I miss the dog fur that would find it's way to my food. I miss kicking his water bowl, of course right when I filled it. I miss being late for something, but that was his favorite time he wanted to wander the back yard and not 'hear' me. I know I can get another furbaby. I don't want another furbaby right now. I miss my Omar so much. So come here to talk about your Elliott kitty as much as you need to. We love to hear stories. Hang in there. Time is what works. Even though the beginning time SUCKS, it does get better...little by little.

Hugs,
Marcie

So sorry you have to feel the same way as us for the loss of Sweet Elliott and for that am deeply sorry, I know there are no words to make feel better but please you can come to us and talk as much as you want and need 'cause I know it helps a lot to get it out of our chests, believe me I know that well and I am glad that I was able to find this site to at least talk about it and they listen they do and as much as you want and need. again so sorry, God Bless you, your family and most of all Sweet Elliott up in Heaven, always here, Jorge

Right now the hardest thing is to keep moving forward, I have to keep doing my life even though I would much rather stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head.

Mikki, I can totally relate to you. I was looking at your post, and thinking, wow.... this is something I could have wrote. I have gone through many of the same feelings. My cat Ren died on a Thursday (this was only a month 1/2 after losing my other cat Zorro to cancer). That Saturday night, I went to bed and CRIED and CRIED and cried, I just had to know he was OK, that I would see my beloved babies again. I went through every possible scenario, and I decided, too- I just couldn't stand it if he wasn't in the spirit world. I just wanted a sign, a sign, it was just a heart wrenching feeling.

Strange thing is, that Thursday (a week anniversary of his death), I got my sign. I posted it under the title "Strange Occurences". I keep thinking back to the things that happened that night. I don't think I even posted everything that happened that night, but I am just convinced my Ren and Zorro came back to visit us that night.

Take care and I know what you mean about missing them. My mind keeps flashing back to things they would do.

Hugs
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mommy

Boy do I relate - I have a home based business and I just don't care about anything right now, including money, although I am doing the minimal things required. Just keep thinking I would rather do without than make the efforts needed to work towards new projects. I think it could be easier if I had a methodical type job.

These difficult times make me question the purpose of life. Sometimes, especially when the joys of life are superseded by a series of painful events, it gets hard to see a positive perspective.

That's not much encouragement, I know, but it's what I'm going thru also..

Jan.

Mikki-Let me first say I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss of Elliott. You have come to the right place. This site was a lifesaver when I lost my 14 yr old furbaby dog Omar. It is coming up on 6 weeks now. I can't believe it's been that long. I can honestly say that the 'heart wrenching pain' is almost gone, but the sadness and the tears are not. It's funny how the things that used to bug us about our furbabies are now the things we would so love to have. I miss the balls of fur he would leave behind when he got up from his favorite spots. I miss the dog fur that would find it's way to my food. I miss kicking his water bowl, of course right when I filled it. I miss being late for something, but that was his favorite time he wanted to wander the back yard and not 'hear' me. I know I can get another furbaby. I don't want another furbaby right now. I miss my Omar so much. So come here to talk about your Elliott kitty as much as you need to. We love to hear stories. Hang in there. Time is what works. Even though the beginning time SUCKS, it does get better...little by little.

Hugs,
Marcie

Whatever helps you is the right thing to do. Don't feel as though you have to rush to do the old regular routines. Do what you are comfortable doing. This is the horrible time for pain. I know what you mean about age 10..my Little Guy's twin brother, Keeper, we had to let go in 2002 and he was 10 at the time...it all happened in a week's time..we didn't know he had a cancer mass filling up his chest...he hid it all so well..acting normal. My Little Guy just had to go last September after reaching 16 the previous May of that year. No matter what the age...it truly is never long enough.

I did capture cat fur from the cat brushes and keep it in a ziplock bag. It feels as soft as it did when I first put it there. It feels alive..not dried out and there is something about knowing it belonged to them that means a lot.

At first, you may want to cry a lot...I did and I did cry a lot. I gave in at the time but as the days went on..I realized it didn't make me feel better..but if I felt like doing it...I would again. Yes, it takes time to heal. You have been through it with Jet-boy..so you know and remember. It may have helped having Elliott there with you. It helped me to have one still left as I lost one but last September I lost my last one and that was very different...I couldn't take the empty house and my boy left in September 2007. I hated the holidays that year and finally the day after Christmas I wound up adopting a shelter boy who looked like my twin boys. That's what helped me...my home was not empty anymore. But it is something we all work through and one day we will ask ourselves..what do we really want...what would make us feel better (and we know it is impossible to get our babies back).....that was the time, in December, that I decided I wanted to come home and hear that meow again. It was not my boy and will never be either of my boys or their sister...but my new one looks like them and I find a sense of inner peace seeing him stretched out sleeping or playing or whatever.....just being there without pain and suffering.

Do what you need to do to get through each day. You can post here your thoughts and feelings.
You can write Elliott a note here about anything you want to say to him. Maybe you will tell some stories about life with him...like some you just did...and maybe find a photo so we can see your sweet boy. We love pictures because they are memories of happy healthy times.

Many here can relate to having no children so these special ones are truly our "children".
Here all do understand exactly how you are feeling and we all share the same pain. We
know that pain all too well and we do what we can to cope with it. Posting helps..it really does.

And your babies now being Angels are watching over you and are listening to whatever you say to them...and know too, many here are also listening...waiting to help as best we can.

Hugs.....

It is the worst of times right now. We are here with you. You are not alone.

Judy

Oh, I so get that. There must be some kind of underlying purpose or meaning to all of this or I simply can't go on. I've been in a two-year slump and have lost some of my positive outlook, some of my sense of purpose. It's hard to bounce back from a loss like ours without some kind of 'faith' that there is some kind of divine reason for such suffering.....and yet in the great scheme of things, much of my life is really just great, it could be so much worse. What's hard for me right now is just being in my house at all. Fortunately I have 2 dogs, 2 birds and another cat to keep me somewhat occupied so that helps....but then, Elliott was his own unique character......anyway, thank you for writing and I hope you are felling better soon, too.

I kind of think that disease and body failure type causes of death go in the "meant to be" sort of category - like we all have an exit plan at some point and when the body fails naturally maybe it is part of the divine plan. My cat Missy died of liver cancer at age 12. It was shocking to me also because she had been such a healthy cat. I do wonder in her case, now knowing about some of the poisonous stuff in pet foods if that could have been partly the cause, but she had a rich, full life, and it was just hard to watch her fade away. My dog Merlin died at age 17 and I finally chose to euthanize because he was so distressed and uncomfortable. He was my "soul mate" of dogs but I was able to grieve and accept his loss because his body just couldn't go on, and also I feel like he remains my soul mate even now.

My Zita (the cat I lost in Oct last year) went missing in the night, (we think, we didn't see her after she ate her dinner). That was really hard because there was no goodbye and no body. With Ziggy, this is equally hard - taken by human hands - shot - and not saved because of a vet's error in judgement. Oh this one is really hard. Sometimes I think we just have a breaking point, and I feel I'm at mine. I don't feel thoughts of suicide or anything like that - just a sense of why bother - purposelessness. I just feel no joy. Zita was my healing kitty, Ziggy was my "sound healing" kitty - with a singing purr, she sounded like a bird or a frog, it's hard to describe. She made everyone laugh with this wonderful sound. She was so happy living with us and so appreciative - not a common trait for cats really! What a sweet little soul and to suffer at the hands of a broken person who "entertained" him/herself by watching her fight for her life - so sick, and so hard to accept that this is part of human reality.

I know I am a sensitive person - maybe too sensitive. But this is one I can't just shrug off and say, oh well, it happens... Life is impermanent, I do know that. And maybe acceptance of that is part of the healing process.

Jan.

Oh Jan, that is so heartwrenching that your kitty died because of human evil. That is one of the primary reasons that my cats are strictly indoor cats; there are just too many hateful people in the world and I can't bear the thought of someone else hurting them. I had a dog as a child that disappeared and it haunted me for years and years. We did not have a fenced in yard and we just let the dogs out to run....it was fourth of July and we left for a picnic and she got out and we think she just got so spooked that she ran and ran. Now I have a large fenced in yard and we keep close watch on our dogs. The pain of not knowing I think is worse than watching them fade due to illness.....although losing them for any reason is awful......I don't know if it's 'too soon' for you or not, but in the past I have found that the best thing for me to do (when I'm ready) is to adopt another animal (or two!) from a shelter. It does my heart good to know that I have saved another animal from being put to sleep. It also helps me to think that, now that my beloved [Arliss, Jet, Lucy, Elliott] is gone there is a place in my home for a new animal. It's amazing how good that feels. I'm not ready to do that right now, but I know I will at some point. I like to think that my pets leave in order to make room in our home for another needy animal. Think about it.
"to ease another's heartache is to soothe one's own"
my heart goes out to you,
Mikki

Oh Jan, that is so heartwrenching that your kitty died because of human evil. That is one of the primary reasons that my cats are strictly indoor cats; there are just too many hateful people in the world and I can't bear the thought of someone else hurting them. I had a dog as a child that disappeared and it haunted me for years and years. We did not have a fenced in yard and we just let the dogs out to run....it was fourth of July and we left for a picnic and she got out and we think she just got so spooked that she ran and ran. Now I have a large fenced in yard and we keep close watch on our dogs. The pain of not knowing I think is worse than watching them fade due to illness.....although losing them for any reason is awful......I don't know if it's 'too soon' for you or not, but in the past I have found that the best thing for me to do (when I'm ready) is to adopt another animal (or two!) from a shelter. It does my heart good to know that I have saved another animal from being put to sleep. It also helps me to think that, now that my beloved [Arliss, Jet, Lucy, Elliott] is gone there is a place in my home for a new animal. It's amazing how good that feels. I'm not ready to do that right now, but I know I will at some point. I like to think that my pets leave in order to make room in our home for another needy animal. Think about it.
"to ease another's heartache is to soothe one's own"
my heart goes out to you,
Mikki