My Yorkshire Terrier Barney passed away today.

He was nine years old, I have had him since I was 7 (I'm very nearly 18). He was the best friend I have ever had, there every single day, waiting for me and always making me happy. In times of great pain he was there for me, never asking for anything in return.

A few months ago he had a minor stroke, it didn't have a noticeable impact on him though. He was still the same old Barney. Then on Sunday 3rd October when we got up, something was wrong. His eyes didn't shine anymore. He couldnt balance properly, he kept walking into objects and looking confused. He would just aimlessly walk around and kept falling over. It was absolutely devastating to see him like that. Today when I woke up, my parents had taken him to the vet. She said he had experienced a major stroke on the saturday night and that the kindest thing to do would be to put him to sleep. And thats what they did

This was the first pet I ever had. It hurts because I couldn't tell him what was happenning to him, he must have been so scared and confused. I am still in shock, and I hope someday I will see him again.

Here is a picture I took on friday 1st October -



I know its kind of hard to see, but he is just sitting on my bed looking like he always did. He was guarding the bags of food Now here is a picture I took yesterday, 12 or so hours before he died-



He was just laying there with a vacant stare. It wasn't Barney. I feel so bad whenever I see that picture, it breaks my heart.

Just wanted to share my story. Thanks for reading.

This post has been edited by LS Support: Oct 5 2004, 09:12 AM

Barney is in a place now where there is no pain - no sadness - no tiredness - and he is himself again. His eyes are bright, and in between rounds of playing with the other pets and people who are there, he probably sleeps on a big bed - guarding bags of food until his best friend joins him.

I am so sorry you lost your friend. My heart aches to look at those pictures. He was very young and I am sure that you loved each other more than words can describe.

I'll light a candle for him tonight - everyone on here will remember him WITH you - Barney was never truly alone, and now you both have people who are thinking about you and wishing you well.

Hugs...

When you get the chance, go into the "tributes" section and read a post called "The Little Orange Boy". It tries to make sense of this type of loss - and, in a way, might make you feel a bit better until the pain starts to fade and memories of bouncy little Barney start making you laugh once again.

I am so sorry for your loss. Barney knew he was loved. You gave him a great life, and you also gave him a dignified death - not an easy thing to do. It hurts like heck but in time, you will remember the good times that you shared. Your grief is focusing on the final few days now, but that will change. Remember Barney as young and healthy, because that is just as true as his poor health for a few days. It hurts so much because you loved so much - it is the price we pay for caring for our furbuddies! And Barney shared so much of your life with you. You were both blessed to have each other.

Do not be so hard on yourself for not noticing what was going on. Animals hide their poor health for survival reasons so we don't always see when they are doing poorly.

Please accept my condolences for the loss of your beautiful friend.

Dee Dee

Thanks everyone. I've never felt pain like this before. I also lost my nan (my grandma to anyone from america) 6 weeks ago, and remebering how Barney was there through all my grief makes it so much harder to grieve without him.

I am constantly looking at that last picture, and wishing that I could go back and try and tell him not to be scared and that he would be ok, and what he meant to me. I also feel angry at my parents for not phoning me before it happened, maybe giving me the chance to be there with him. They went outside the room when it happened. I cannot bare to think of him scared and alone, I would have stayed there and held him.

Your parents were probably trying to spare your feelings, particularly since you are still mourning your Nan, and they made the wrong decision. Barney did know he was loved (and still is). Again, I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through now!

Thanks it means a lot to me. Hopefully my nan will be taking care of him.

I cant find that post anywhere

Here's the tribute that DJ was talking about.

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...act=ST&f=7&t=23

Just click on it and it will take you right there.

I'm sorry to hear about Barney. We can all empathize and sympathize with what you are going through right now. It's has to be the worst feeling and type of grieving in the world. I've lost all my immidiate family (not including my children) and if I could combine the grief I felt when I lost my Mom, brother and Dad, it wouldn't hold a candle to the pain and grief that I have felt since losing my Ava dog.

I agree that your parents were trying to protect you from one of life's realities. Don't blame them for trying to do the right thing, even tho they made a poor decision. In some ways it may be a blessing... your memories of Barney's last few days are going to be rough enough without adding in the memory of his body once his life had left him. Even though you are a young adult, your parents still see you as a child in their eyes, still needing the protection that they once offered. It's a parent thing, I know.

You are going through what we have all gone through here. Time will heal your pain. Be patient with yourself and give yourself the time you need to grieve. You will feel better, maybe not tomorrow, next week or even next month, but trust me, you will feel better. Everyone is different, some get over such devistation quickly while others take much longer. A time will come when the hurt and painful memories are replaced with all the good times that you and Barney had. Barney may be gone physically but his spirit will be with you always. Your loving memories of your trusted buddy will keep Barney alive in your heart forever.

I am so sorry to hear about your precious little Barney. I cried so when I read your post. I had a little girl named Hannah. She was a Yorkie-Poo, just a little tiny girl like Barney. He was so precious -- little guard dog. The other little picture , do you think you should keep looking at that it right now? I almost took some pictures of Hannah on that last day, but I didn't. I guess now I'm glad I didn't. It just breaks your heart, tears it right out, I know.

A friend of mine keeps reminding me (when I start dwelling on Hannah's last day) that her last day on this earth with me was one day out of many, many, happy days and years I spent with her, and that it true for you and Barney, as it is true for everyone here. It's just that, at first in particular, we tend to dwell on the saddest parts because our hearts are breaking and we need to grieve and feel our feelings.

You grew up with Barney. I'm sure the two of you looked out for each other for many years. I believe too that your parents were trying to spare you at least some of the pain they knew you would feel. I bet if they could take it back and let you know in advance, they would do that. I hope you will be able to forgive them and hope they will give you comfort and support during this terrible time.

I believe you will see your precious little guy again one day. I believe we will all be reunited with our "babies." Barney will live in your heart always, you know. Barney knows you loved him, and I think too that Barney would have wanted YOU to be spared the pain of having to see him at the last. I bet Barney was as protective of you as you were of him.

You take care of yourself okay. Please keep coming back here to "talk" out your feelings. That helps. Everyone here understands all too well, and we care very much.
Love and a big hug,
Marcia

Thanks. I know it must be easy for you all to assume my parents did it for my own good and stuff, but only I know my parents and it wasn't like that. They just didn't feel any need to inform me. I'm going to the vets in two hours to pay to have Barney cremated and brought back to me. For some reason my parents dont care about what happens to him now, my mum said it would 'upset' her to spread his ashes back into his garden, yet the thought of him being treated liek just another dead dog and thrown away is much more easy for her to stand?! I couldn't bare to think of him being burned and just chucked away with no respect or dignity. He deserves much better than that. It costs about £125 ($222) which frankly I cannot afford but I am spending every penny I have. I might ask if I can just take him home and bury him in the garden. Or ask to just see him and say goodbye, either way I wont let them just throw him away and if it means I go poor for a few months, so be it.

Do you have another close relative or a friend's parent who you are close to who can lend you the money? If you do and you can explain what you want to do, they might help you out. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like or if they would listen to you, but if you can explain how you feel to them, will they help you? If your mother objects to the ashes being spread in your yard, is there someplace that you used to play with Barney - an empty lot or something like that - where you can spread the ashes?

I hope your parents or another person can help you out.

If not, please try to think of Barney's ashes becoming part of the life cycle. When they cremated Oswald, they asked me what I wanted to do with the ashes. I asked them what they would do with them. They said they sprinkled the ashes in a tree farm. I smiled a bit inside because I found Oswald up a tree after a bad rainstorm. It was like he was going to be part of the trees and the grass and the wind - that one grave would be too small to contain his big heart and spirit - so I opted to do that and take comfort in it. Also, if I move, I won't have to worry about leaving Oswald (or Carmen) behind because they are part of everything now.

*shrank the pictures down a bit for easier viewing

condolences for the passing of Barney, you have found a great place to get support...ive already read some great
info here and can only add to be sure to give yourself time to grieve...everyone grieves at their own pace and in
their own ways.

Hi,

I'm so sorry about Barney. It doesn't help at all not feeling like you're getting the kind of support you want from your family.

Others here will probably cringe to see me telling this again, but I went through something similar with my parents. While I was away at college (I was still within pretty easy driving distance of home), they had my cat/friend Snooper put down. Nobody told me about it -- I didn't find out until I went home to visit one weekend and couldn't find her. I actually had to ask where she was before anybody would say anything. When Mom told me, I felt shock and betrayal on top of the grief. Then Mom said, "Good grief, what are you crying for? She was JUST an old cat!!!"

When I originally wrote about this here, my grief over losing our dog Kirby was still very fresh, and that old anger and hurt came right back to the surface.

Now that I'm feeling calmer, I'm sure my parents were doing what they thought best -- trying to shield me from hurt. On the other hand, it wasn't the first time they'd lied to me about what had happened to a pet, so maybe they were also trying to protect themselves from having to deal with my feelings? I don't know. It's been 26 years since that event, though, and I still feel its sting from time to time.

I can't say my parents have improved, either. Just last year I was visiting them at my sister's place -- my first day there, in fact -- when my wife called, crying, to say that Lilly, a new cat I'd adopted and tamed over 3 intense months, had gotten out of the house and killed by the neighbor's dogs. My parents offered no condolences, no sympathy. They just put up those stony walls and stern faces and pretended nothing had happened. I finally retreated to the upstairs bedroom and thought about climbing out the window and driving off so I wouldn't ever have to talk to them again. They never came up to check on me, either. It wasn't until I was getting in the car to leave 2 days later that they FINALLY said, "I'm sorry about your cat."

Having family issues like this is not what any of us needs when we're grieving the loss of a dear friend.


-- Daryl

dear eelly,
Just a note to tell you that I am thinking of you!
I know that losing Barney is the most difficult thing! Hopefully you will feel better each day that passes. Barney loved you, that is clear. He was always there for you and you will continue to keep him in your heart and mind.
Love
Patti

Thanks guys. Well the initial shock has subsided I guess. I just hate walking into my house now, its so different not being greeted by your best friend.

I phoned the vert today and she informed me Barney was in cold storage, and I asked if I could come pick him up. I am going tomorrow at 8:30 and then I will bury him in the garden I will post a pic of his final resting place soon after. I know many of you may be thinking its a bad idea to see him, but to be honest I just cannot wait. I am not foolish- I know it will be upsetting. But I will get to see and hold him again and say goodbye, and thank him. My brother in law is making me a pine box so I can put his cushion he slept on inside, I will also put a toy and some of his 'nubes' (his dog food!) It will give me so much pleasure knowing he is right where he loved to be, the garden.

Eelly,

I know what you mean about walking into the house and not being greeted by your friend. Those are some of the worst times for me, too.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to see Barney's body. Some people need that physical sense of closure, and for others it can make things worse. It's purely an individual thing. There is no right or wrong except what's right or wrong for you personally.

For me, it was very good to be with Kirby as the veterinarian gave her that last injection. I was able to look into her eyes right up until the very end, tell her I loved her, and say good-bye. It's been the times I wasn't there that I've regretted -- I felt as if I'd abandoned my best friend just when they needed me most of all.

My wife, on the other hand, loved Kirby just as dearly as I did, but she can't handle that transition from living to dead. For her, being there at the end would be a horrible experience rather than a comforting one.

(We just finished making a little memorial garden in our yard for Kirby, with a heart-shaped border of special rocks my wife's collected over the years. )

It's really sweet of your brother-in-law to make a coffin for Barney! And of you to want to bury Barney's body in his favorite place, with some of his favorite things.

-- Wayne

Hi,
I'm glad to hear you are going to be able to bury Barney at home and also that someone is helping you.

Since you mentioned it about some of us thinking for you to see Barney would be a bad idea -- I just want to remind you that you will not be seeing Barney -- not really. Barney is no longer in his body, and you will be 100% aware of that when you see him. Also, he most likely won't really look like your little Barney, and he won't feel like him. Of course, you have to do what you feel is right for you. Just be prepared, okay?

I hope your brother-in-law or someone is going to the vet's office with you and also that someone will be there for you afterwards.

It sounds as if Barney's little body will have a beautiful little "resting place."

Take care. I'll be thinking about you.
Marcia

Hi!

I am sorry to hear about your sweet, beloved Barney....

To have had him since you were 7 years old, and now you are close to 18.....
I'm sure that that feels like "forever!!!!"

And, I have no doubt at all ----- You two were the best of friends....

I am glad that you have found your way to Lightning-Strike.... It really is a life-saver.....
We have all felt the pain of what you are feeling, so we know what you are going through!!!!!!

And yes, IT STINKS!!!! But, really, believe me............as time goes by.... that old saying.....
"Time heals all wounds...
Yes, it's true!

Lots of wonderful, caring people have answered your posts, and you have been given some great advice....
There are sooooooooooooooo many wise and beautiful people here....
And, everyone is here to help you deal with this very painful loss.

Please, just keep writing & writing & writing...........
It helps so much to get all of your feelings off your chest...

Even if you think that it won't make sense to us, and, if you think that you are rambling........
TRUST ME............ We DO understand exactly what you are talking about!!!!

After our sweet girl, Ernestine, was put to sleep on February 7, 2004.......... I fell apart...
I was crying, and it felt as if the tears were just coming from my feet...........
My whole body was trembling, and I was sooooooooooooooooooo very, very sad.....

Ben was crying as well.....
As we looked at little Ernie-Bird's body on the metal table, she looked so peaceful...
I was able to touch her all over --- she used to be very, very sensitive in her hind quarters.

My heart hurt --- it felt like someone was jabbing a serrated knife into my chest - in & out, many times........

As Ben and I were driving home...........I kept saying "how much I wanted to hold her, to love her, to kiss her".....
I just wanted her back!!!

But, Ben looked at me and said, "Honey, Ernestine isn't there anymore..... She's in Heaven -- She's at Rainbow's Bridge"..
And he continued..............."What made our sweet girl, Ernestine, is in Heaven...... What is left on that table at the
vet's office is just the shell of who she once was.........

And, I knew that Ben was right. Our sweet girl was in the arms of St. Francis... St. Francis would take wonderful care of our girl until such time that it was our turn to go to Heaven, and then we would all walk into eternity forever.

All of our babies, (furkids and all of God's Beautiful creatures), are at Rainbow's Bridge..... It makes me feel happy
knowing that Ernestine is having a wonderful time with everyone's "kids" who have passed on here, at Lightning-Strike.....
Including your darling Barney .
Our sweet furkids..........THEY ARE IN THE BEST COMPANY THAT THEY COULD BE RIGHT NOW.....

Barney is happy, healthy, and he's running around through the fields, the meadows & flowers..... Chasing butterflies, and he is just perfect......

I am happy to hear that your brother-in-law will be making Barney his coffin, so that you can put in his cushion, and some toys, and some of his 'nubes'........
I can "feel it" in your last sentence that you will be very happy that Barney will be resting in his favorite place - The Garden.....
I know that Barney will be very, very pleased, as well!!!!!!

I hope that you will do okay if you want to see Barney......... in fact, in England, I think you are 5 hours ahead....so, it may be 9:30am there.
Every person is different......No one can tell a person "what we think" is right for them.....
You can & will do what you want to do.....

Just know that we will be here for you to talk with...........Okay?????

Please understand that Barney is at Rainbow's Bridge right now, and his photos are soooooooooo adorable, he looked like an Angel....
I am sure that he had his "Angel Wings" by now.....

Take Good Care, My Friend,
Love, Denise

Thankyou everyone, it means a lot to me. Me and my mum (mom for americans!) went to get him at about 8:30 am today. I walked in and the lady said ''hes waiting for you'' then she walked out and came back with him fully wrapped in a blanket. I didn't feel any sadness at all, and when she put him in my arms it just felt 'right', like I was taking care of him the way he wanted. We put him in the back in a box then had to go visit my nan. We were there about an hour, then we came home and our original plan was to leave him outside in a plastic box thing, but I carried the box into the house and put his cushion down in the spot it always was. I slowly unwrapped it, and when I first saw his face I was shocked, his eyes were WIDE open and so was his mouth. I burst into tears because it looked like he was so scared and frightened. My mum was really sad also. After a while I just stroked him and told him he was back home. We sprayed some strong perfume around (he didnt smell AT ALL, but just incase) and left him on the bed. He is still there now, its SO good to see him back there again and I am really not sad anymore, I am so content that I have seen him again and he is sleeping on his favourite cushion!

Were gonna dig a hole and then bury him when my brother in law comes around later.

I don't know how to describe what I am feeling, its almost bittersweet. Anyway I will come back later and tell you about Barney's final journey.

Once again thanks everyone.

I am glad that you got some closure, and I am especially glad that your mom went with you! You have been through a lot. Barney is home again!