End of Febuary beginning of march I posted my story of Monte. My 2 1/2 year old dobie. Today I let him go home. It is killing me. Yesterday I seen in his eyes it was time. I called and made the appt. for today. Hoping that he would be fine in the morning so I could cancel the appointment. There were a few times when I thought I would have to say goodbye but the next day he was up and running. But I knew not this time. So we got up and went outside. He loves the sun. So we sat on the swing while he was soaking up the sun. He watched the bird hoping in the grass. Then he looked down at the cement. I knew what he was looking for. He was looking for ants. He loves to watch ants. So he was looking for one. We talked and swung for awhile. Then I got the mat and we sat on the ground. He got up and went to the door and decided it was time to come in. He stood in the living room til I sat down so he could come up to my lap. We went on our car ride. I put him on my lap and we drove the back roads so he could read his newspaper(that what I call it when they sniff the wind). We went to the bank and couple fast foods. Thought maybe he would eat something, but didnt. When he put his head down it was time to come home. We got back on couch and he slept. He was tired. The times he woke up we just talked. Then he go back to sleep. So when it was time to go I had my husband put my shoes in the van. Then I went to the van and he carried him out. I didnt want him to think I was leaving. Our trips are always fun trips. Also I didnt want him to have to get strain himself. He has used alot of will power and strength to live this long. It was my turn to be his strength. When we got to the vets I let him have his pride and let him walk in on his own. He really loves the ladies there. When he goes in he checks to see where everyone is. After he went to sleep the whole office broke down.Then wHe was on his 3rd days with out eating. As you seen on my first post he was never a big dog. He was aklways always thin. Losing 5 lbs on him was enough. Even tho it was his kidneys, he would get up and go to the bathroom as normal. He ended up with diarreah. That hurt him more than anything. what he would eat would go thru. I promised him before I would not let him suffer. Even tho he was born with this and wasnt to live past 6 months one always hope for that miracle. In a way I did get one since he did live for 2 1/2 years. He was my best friend. That is the honest truth. I never had a best friend growing up. He was always with me. If he heard me spray the hairspray or see my shoes or get my purse he was at the door before me. At night he would put his head around mine and when we were sitting he would be sitting with me with his head on my shoulder. Even these last couple days while he was laying there and someone was with him, the minute i got up he would put his head up and watch me. Then when i sat down he made sure he was on my lap. I told my self that I wouldnt let him go until he wouldnt get up to leave. But there was no way I was going to let him get that bad. If I did that then he would be hurting. We have been going there weekly for epogen shots. He was anemic. His count was down to 12. It was to be at 37. If it had got to 10 , he would die of weakness. I didnt want that. Epogen is very expensive, but I found a vet 2 hours away that could get it for me cheaper. My savings is down to nothing from it, but I do it again or take out a loan. I called and wrote to some help groups that help with the cost of a pet. Not one would help or reply. They stated they will help will cost of care no matter the need. Believe it or not it WAS working. His count was up to 25. What makes me mad is the kidneys won. The toxins got bad. We were winning part of the battle. He was on epakitin and azodyl. I would like to give my opinion on epogen and my experience. I know many people cant afford it. but if you have a pet in early stages of kidney disease I think it is worth a shot. It did do its job. I will be honest tho. I regret having to feed him k/d dog food. If I could do it all over again I would let him eat what he wanted. I was so heart set on him living that I didnt want him to hurt his kidneys worse. You read stories where they say I have my pet on k/d and they lived for many more years. He was only 2 and a baby. His own shadow scared him. When he was about a year old we went to the pet store and a chiuahua scared him. Finally I got to the point no more. Let him eat. He ate one and a half roast beef sandwiches. I hope this makes sense. I am just upset. So I hope my spelling is ok. It is now 1100pm and hes been gone for 6 hours. It is quiet inthe house. no hugs, no kisses, no nothing. My heart is so empty. I hate the quiet. When he would bark he would yodel. the neighbors loved. No more sucking on his blanket. Since he was a premie he always sucked because he was tubed fed to food. It is driving me crazy. I didnt say goodbye. I told him that he will now have healthy kidneys and be a strong guy soon. That he could run again soon and that I will see him soon. He will be with his sister and brothers that didnt make it from birth. He was the only one that survived out of ten from the mother having a infection in her womb. I pray that the lord will let him visit me for that hug or kiss or snuggle he would give. All I ca do right now is cry and call his name (monte). I have dealt with death befor, but this is so different. I know in my heart I did the right thing. I would not be selfish to let him hurt and get way worse just so I could have him here. I dont know what to do. I cant take the quiet. My lap is empty. I gave them his blanketto be with him. I did take a little piece to hold onto. I dont want to go to bed. I dont even want to look at it. So to my monte I love you with allmy heart. You are now running freely and you have perfect kidneys that you never had before. My heart is so empty without you, but my heart is so full that now I know you are complete and perfect in everyway. I hope you are gorging yourself on every steak you have. I thank you so much for being my best friend. You let me experience a feeling that I never had before. Even though it was for only over a 2 year period. It was so awesome to knowI had someone to talk to and hold and confide to. I will see you soon. Love Mom

I'm trying to write through the tears - I am so sorry for your loss of Monte at such a young age. You did everything you could for him & gave him the best of loving for the short time he was with you, if it hadn't been for you he wouldn't have had that long.
But nothing can take away the pain, I know.
Love to you, Judith

Monte went home
i am so sorry
what a lovable dog.
we want to protect our babies forever
and then, the day comes, when we have to let them go.
feeling with you
Eva

I am sorry!
Maybe when we have a friend who has health issues, we invest a little more in them, and become especially closer. Sometimes I wonder if that was what brought me and Miles closer.
At the end, I let Miles eat anything she wanted....

Your story of Monte is full of love and is very touching. I am so sorry that you lost such a beautiful fur baby. How lucky Monte was to have you as his Mom. You did everything you could to help him through his health problems.

May the happy memories you shared comfort you through your pain.

Your life with Monte was filled with dedication and pure love. The sadness and grief you are feeling is unbearable, I know. My heart goes out to you. The combined will and love you and Monte had and still have for each other will remain yours forever. You have been so blessed to have known the kind of binding love that can never be broken, for you both will always be one in your hearts.

You're right..............In his death he was made whole and well again where he knows no suffering. He is happy with your buddy cat and they know one day, when your time comes, that you will join them in a place where all is good and perfect. That place is filled with bliss in all that we have loved where we can continue to rejoice in happiness throughout eternity. That's a long long time. So, even though you say goodbye for now...............One day you will say hello again.

May you be blessed with comfort and find peace at a time you so desperately need it. We carry each other together through our grief in this forum where there is understanding, love, and compassion from others who truly know and feel your loss through their own pain and suffering.

Much love to you comes from my heart, where Goliath lives and is well.

(((((((Monte's Mom)))))))

Thank you for telling us all about your precious, beloved Monte . The love that you both shared is a bond that's very, very strong, and something that not even death can separate.



I believe that you did the correct thing, and bless you for that. Giving our beloved furkids "the gift of peace" is the most loving thing that we can do.

In February, 2004, we made the decision to have my precious girl, Ernestine , put to sleep. That is when I first came here to Lightning-Strike. A member here said to me, "Denise, you took on Ernestine's pain so that she could be without pain". And, I truly believe that is what you did for your handsome, precious boy, Monte .

I know that your sweet Monte is up at Rainbow's Bridge and having a blast with all of our animal friends who have gone on before.



I am sure that Monte is running through the grassy meadows now and catching butterflies on his nose .

Sending much comfort & love to you and yours,

Denise

I agree with the above sentence Muffins wrote you. What you did there is what we can do to repay all the unconditional love we get from them.

I am sorry you had him such a short time...I would have wished many more years for the two of you to be together.

No matter how long they are with us, it is never enough time. The time Monte had with you was quality time...that is the best kind of time of all. You were both lucky in that you found each other and in that..you both found a perfect soul-mate.

This is the worst time of all when we are grieving. I understand the emptiness and the loneliness you feel. It is a time when the Silence can be Deafening to us.

The first time I made such a decision I had a puppy I had just gotten recently waiting for me at home when I came back from the vet. Of course, she being only about 4 months old didn't understand the sadness and tears. But she was a good distraction for me and I am glad I had her waiting. I had just lost a beautiful part-boxer (the color of gold) and part-shepherd (the face and body). She was only 3 years old. I was not married yet and was coming home to an empty house to put her things away and the puppy really did help. I'm glad she was there to lick away my tears. They can make you smile at their antics even though your heart is breaking at that moment.

I wish you peace and remember the happy memories of Monte. Maybe putting up some of his pictures where you can see them will help you to remember all the special times you had together. It is those memories that can never leave us and which help us in healing. We will love them always and miss them forever until one day in a true Heaven, we will all be together again.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your pup. You are an incredible person to do what was best for Monte. x

It is obvious you loved your Monte very much. Although just a baby, he was your world, and you had to let him go. It was the most loving gift you could have ever given him, setting him free from such a sick body.
I'm sure that as his spirit is now free, there is always a part of him that will live forever in your heart.

I remember when you first posted about Monte's illness and your fears for him.I have remembered you both often in my prayers. I'm sorry your, all too brief, battle to stay together has ended. But, I too, am utterly sure that he waits for you in perfect health...with many fascinating ants to watch.

My deepest sympathies,
Mack and Sadie's Mom,
Dayna

Monte is smiling down at you from the Bridge for the kindness you showed him during the brief time he was here. Our furkids are never here on Earth long enough but you gave Monte a life filled with joy while he was here. A short life that is surrounded by those who love you is far better than a long life with no one around who cares. Monte was a precious soul and I know he will be greatly missed.

Ken Albin