I want to say thank you to everyone at this site. I have stayed away for awhile due to the fact that it hurts when I come here because it makes my loss real. I don't want it to be real anymore. I feel for anyone who does come here . . . it is hard. Lately, I really don't want to feel this pain. He was a big part of my life and lately I have been going backwards thinking maybe I did hurt him and thats why he had to go. Recently my daughter has been telling me that she really misses him. I don't blame her. I miss him incredably. Our new dog, she has only been with us since March or April, does so many things my old man did. It helps but I also look at my other dog who spent all her life with him and sometimes I can see lonliness. I am to the point I want another dog. It doesn't matter how big or how little I want the void to be gone. Of course, My husband, the level head right now, says no due to the fact it is too much. I guess with a house full of animals (2 cats, 2 dogs, 2 hampsters and 20-30 fish) another dog is too much. When I first got my Indy he was 2 months old and when we met I held him and he just went to sleep. Well I got the okay from mom and took him home. I took him to my dad's house and on the way he threw up his breakfast. I was then christened mom. He whinned at night but would never sleep in my bed with me. He went everywhere I went, well except on an airplane! When will it stop feeling like yesterday he was taken from me? He is in my thoughts everyday. Sometimes, I just stare at his pictures. His leash and collar are still on my dressor and every once in a while I smell them for him. It reminds me he needed a bath. I just miss him. What do I say to my daughter? It hurts but I answer her honestly . . . I miss him too. And I think to myself, you'll never know how much I miss him. Indy, my BooBoo Bear, I miss you . . . I know you are whole now and waiting for us. But there will always be a hole in my heart that will never completely heal. I love you with all my heart and miss you terribly. Do me one favor, Indy, just enjoy being whole again and young again and just promise me that you will be there when it is my time because I will need you once again as I did and do in this physical life.
Mommy misses you, greatly.
Be happy my boy, Thinking of you and missing you.
Mom (ChrissyW)

Dear Chrissy and everyone,
It has been awhile since I, too, have posted on this site. I'd like to say that it is because I'm doing better after losing my boy, Jordan: but I just haven't wanted to face my loss. It has been three months since we held our boy as he passed away from this life. Two days ago I opened a rarely opened kitchen cabinet and lost my breath as I saw his four medicine bottles. I started to throw them into the trash and couldn't bring myself to throw away the last bottle. Those bottles were such a big part of his life for the last five years. I just held the last bottle and missed him so much. My two year old daughter says, "There is Jordan's house," every time we drive past the veternarian hospital. It breaks my heart. I always tell her that he is not there and remind her that Jordan died. Of course she doesn't understand but it kills me that she thinks that he is at the vet's office. I wish it were that simple. Some days my loss just hits me like a ton of bricks and I cry and cry for him. It is so hard, isn't it? I imagine him running and jumping and feeling great, or "whole again" as you put it. I had a very hard time on the evening of Aug. 17th and then I realized that it was three months to the day that he died. Strange, huh? Oh, I miss him. Thanks for listening.
Jordan's mom

It isn't strange at all. Grief follows its own course. I opened a drawer today and saw a bunch of syringes I used to give Oswald his insulin. I held the package and cried. Last week, I dreamed that I noticed the front door was open and I went out to see if my young cat had escaped. She hadn't, but Oswald was out there, rolling around on the cement. I told myself in the dream, "Don't wake up. Don't wake up," because I knew it was a dream and I wanted him back - I wanted the dream to continue. I picked him up and stroked him. He was whole and young in my dream. When I woke up, it hurt like heck because it wasn't real. The grief hit like a wave.

Indy and Jordan had wonderful lives and they knew they were loved. We shared so much with our buddies, and it takes a long time to grieve.

Dear Chrissy,

Remember that though you may feel that you have an un-healable hole in your heart, what you really have is the wonderful ability to store so many wonderful memories of your special friend. This "love vault" is so precious and as time goes by please open it once in a while, even though it may hurt. The love that pours out will help you heal. Rest assured he will be waiting for you someday, and that he actually would want you to keep on sharing your love with all your pets now and in the future. That way our pets that are gone know that they have taught us something about the human power to love each individual.

It's been a month since I lost my nearest and dearest dog, and even though I have two others, the pain is still present at certain times. It's getting easier to open that "memory door" every day, and I know that Bear will be waiting someday. Happy Memories and Loving Futures, MK

I lost my Sonnet June 12th and it seems like so long ago yet it was like she was still here not too long ago. Even last night I "imagined" her lying on the livingroom floor watching me as she always did as I watched TV. It does get better with time and I even got "approved" from a local lab rescue to adopt a new friend. I just need to wait for them to have the "right" one for me. I also still have one of Sonnet's medicine bottles. I got rid of all her meds but had to keep this last one. I look at this memory album I made of Sonnet (pictures, favorite toy, collar included) and it actually makes me smile as I see her wonderful, smiley face looking back at me. I know no one will ever take her place, but rather will occupy a new spot in my heart and I will learn new things and be able to do stuff Sonnet and I couldn't do because of her terrible arthritis the last few years of her life. But I need to remember that she's no longer in pain and that she's whole now.
Sonnet's mom

Hi Chrissy
Yesterday I sat on our front porch (something I haven't done in a long time) I used to sit there with Ginger. I sat there and "saw" him come over the fence to join me. I looked down and saw his fur stuck in the astroturf mat that he liked to sit on. I wondered...will I ever stop missing him?? You know, I am pretty sure the answer is no.
I am in the 5th decade of my life so I have had a fair amount of animals and luckily I still have my indoor buddy, Ruggles. So, I have owned animals and had them die and grieved for them, but I don't remember ever missing an animal as much as I miss Ginger.
In human relationships you have some people in your life who are elevated to the "most special" status. Those people are your "best" friends. Indy was quite obviously that important to you. How does one ever "get over" the loss of a best friend? I don't think you do. One adapts. Picasso was great friends with Matisse. They discussed art all the time. When Matisse died Picasso never had another friendship that could compare.
Sometimes I think of the animals in the shelter and I know every single one of them should have a "mommy" like you Chrissy--someone who would value them so much! We were priviledged to have our ultra-special animal friend and they were fortunate to have someone who cared so much for them in return.
I know what you mean about wanting another dog to fill up the Indy-void. Sometimes I think I will just go get a big beautiful male cat from the pound--there are scores of them there! But then I realize....none of them are Ginger. I have pretty much decided that if Ginger sent me an animal I might consider it. But I can't replace him...it really is HIM I miss, it's our history ..his and mine together that I miss. This is what you miss too Chrissy, your history with Indy. You were fortunate and he was fortunate. Some people never have that in their lives. Picasso may have never met Matisse. But he did and he life was enriched because of that special connection.

To everyone . . . Thank You. Gingerspal . . . I know you are right. I didn't realize how much I would miss our relationship. I want him to be with me physically. But it is funny that our newest dog has taken up some of his old habits. In some ways it makes me feel as if Indy talked to her and told that I would need that. She really is a good dog that has gotten the short end of the stick in her life. But now she does have a normal life with us. I hope we can make up for it. But my Indy was and is still is as important to me as my husband and kids. Hopefully, it will not be as tearjerking as it is. I miss him horribly. I know in time it will go away or not be so intense. I seem to be like everyone else . . . I have good days and bad days. It doesn't help me that my boss has lost two of his three dogs within a week of each other. It has made my grief real again. It is also hard to explain to my daughter. She knows the truth but it brings it up again. I will never forget but I do cherish the responses I have gotten here. It makes me think past my grief and think of all the good things. Then I think of my boy and one image comes up to me which is a picture of him at the beach, full of sand and completely wet. Boy he loved to run and play with every dog that was within his reach. Then we go home and he would just have the biggest, longest tongue and fall asleep. How nice it would be to be a dog or cat or other animal. Your food is brought to you, most of the time you have a loving family or person, they clean up after you and all you do is sleep and jump around when you get home. Of course it is good for us humans because after a hard days work we love to see them so exited about us just coming home! That is what I miss the most not seeing my boy at the door when I get home!
Thank you everyone for listening and writing, ChrissyW
(Love ya Indy and I will be expecting a happy, excited dog when we meet again!!!!)

Hi Chrissy,

I agree so much with what everyone wrote. And I can really empathize with your grief.

Oh, and you didn't hurt him. It was just his time for his body to pass on. Indy lived an earthly experience most animals don't get to live. Don't ever forget that. And Indy has no doubts as to whether he was and is loved. He knows how you feel about him, and yes, he's young and spry again now, full of life!! His spirit is still with you, and when it is your time to pass on, you'll be fully reunited----I have no doubts.

I love what Sonnet's Mom said: "I know no one will ever take her place, but rather will occupy a new spot in my heart and I will learn new things "

Oh, I liked hearing how your newest dog has taken up some of Indy's habits! What is her name?

Thank you to everyone. I like to be reminded of all the special things people say that actually make sense to us, the furbaby/animal lovers. Little Girls Mommy, my new dogs name is Callie. She is a Golden Retrever. She needed a home that had time to spend with her. I saved her from going to any shelter or rescue. My fifth good deed in my life for animals. My sister in-law was never home and got Callie from the shelter for her son. When she started to get bored she destroyed things. Not her fault but Indy was getting up in age and I wanted someone to be with my other dog, Casey. And you answered correctly, my other sister in-laws dog. We got her when my mother in-law was going to take her to the pound. She is a Black Lab/Golden mix. Both these two take so much abuse from my son, he is three. Indy would never put up with the stuff he does to these two. Callie was and is a god send. I've got to tell you this situation happened perfectly for Casey. I only had Callie maybe a month and half and then Indy had to go to rainbow bridge. The other wonderful thing is that Callie doesn't chase my kitties. I also have two cats. Kat grew up with Indy and came before Casey, then Casey and then I brought home my other kitty Buster. Kat has stuck around and wasn't too mad about Callie but Buster had to get used to her. I think we broke ice between them about a week ago. Buster started coming home and I saw him brush up against Callie and Callie just sat there looking like what are you doing? All my dogs and cats have gotten along. Indy thought he was a cat. He sat on the sofa as if he was cat size. I will have to get a picture of my two living babies. Callie has taken up where my boy has left off. It is funny Casey has become my boy and Callie has become my old Casey. All is good with the two of them but sometimes it is uncanny what they do. Indy loved to lick anyone anywhere. He would walk by and give you a swipe lick which I called the lick by. Callie doesn't exactly do that but she does like to lick especially after I have put on lotion. My boss lost his two dogs so I guess it brings back the grief of my boy. He is greatly missed and I guess it made it raw but you know no one will replace him. Talk to you all soon, ChrissyW – Indy: 4/90 to 5/04