I can't believe its been a whole week since i kissed that soft little belly.I guess your daddy and i agreed without saying so to not speak of you today, and it was so hard as we only have one another and I the folks here.noone calls noone cares and when i did mention you the other day while out i actully got an eyeroll i wanted to sceam, i dont know what is wrong with people! and i am begining not to care, the people i have been around have not given me any joy that i can remmember as opposed to you my baby that gave me so much joy everyday, i miss playing hide and seek with you and i hate that i can walk down the hall unacostted noone jumpimg out at me. Sydney just stays in bed with whoever is sleeping shes fine but i am sure she misses you too. i cant believe i even miss the litter pan we do not need 2 now and so Sdyney has to do both in the one pan,you girls were so funny using one for pee and the other for foo-stinky, its just insane the things that are gone like being able to answer "the grey one did it" when anything happens not having to shut the bedroom door so daddy can sleep without you two chasing each other over his head, no walking you to the mailbox, and i lit a candle today and was able to leave the room and not worry about the baby getting at it.even trowing away a cig pack has changed i cant bear to wad them up i just toss them away cause i know you wont be fighting me for them.and i cant help but wish i could help daddy more i see him mist up often and i know i can talk to him whenever i want but i see his heart breaking so i am trying to not as much i wil just try and talk here more, he put his every morning milk cup away with a stern warning for me not to throw it out. i really just dont know what were gonna do we boith miss you so much its so hard,the word moving even came up.I just hope you knew how much we wanted to save you, we would have done anything not to lose you anything but let you suffer.i cant see to type anymore i love you baby,im sure i will come here often

People here say to talk to you,Ii am finding that very hard.as much as I used to talk to you I just can't seem to do it, except for here and all i really have to say is that i miss you so much and i just cant stop crying and thinking about you.Syddy has been so good remmember how grumpy she was till your last week with us? she has really changed she's very loving and she never hiss's except last night and today this young cat we've never seen before came up to to porch door and she just had a fit its abit upsetting cause this stray has eyes kinda like yours and i just lost it.of all the strays around here i would have much preferd to see one of the orange ones come up,I know its horrible but some days i just dont know how i will get through this i remmember the days when i never watched tv you problr did not know this but most people have a tv in the living room I never needed one cause i had such entertainment just watching you, now i watch i watch alot! I am going to get pictures of you up here but i dont know how and daddy just cant do it right know so have to be patient with him. but i know he'll do it for me soon as he can right now were just working on getting you home, and ebays just not doing so well must be because we dont have are little typing buddy to give the paws up. but know we wont rest till we get you outta there and were both hurt that we cant do it now.its unbearable anyway more later
love mommy

It's still so soon for both you and your husband, it's so rough all I can say is hang in there, it will get better, for sure. Don't worry for now about getting Kasey back, she is in spirit with you, the body, well it's a shell for the soul, Kasey is living in your hearts.
I feel close when I visit my cats' grave, but I feel closer when looking at their pictures or when I think of them in the middle of the night. So don't fight the currents, do what you can and speak from your heart to Kasey, she can hear you all the time, you and your DH can tell her your feelings, it feels good to talk to them, go ahead and do so.
As for other people,,,,,,,,,,,,,,don't expect them to understand, it's like trying to describe ice cream to someone who never encountered it...so pity them from afar, know your secret agony is yours and that those feelings are above everyone from the outside but they are feelings that we here know so come back and vent anytime.

Thanks so much Toonie, and I know your right, I tell you if i had not found this place i dont know what i would have done, I do not know alot of my family and one best friend (did before this anyway,after all she was who I wanted to talk to) even so I can not believe that there all so cold and hard.One distant member of my family has been just great I can go on and on in e-mail and she say type all you want...I am finding myself wondering what is wrong with people?As far as they are concerned I am over it days ago,how silly are they?but its just easier to not talk about it and let them think I have no heart like them,when we got home from the vets we were still in shock and I sat here and let some of it out in a poem and sent it out mass e-mail.One person responded to it (the distant) and i gotta tell you if i ever become that cold and uncaring I hope someone would take me out. I dont care if there not an animal lover or pet owner or (which by the way most of them have pets, poor critters)what about empathy for another person? what is going on with this world ,I truly dont think I have more feelings then anyone else but its just so confusing any way i could go on forever.Bless you and all in this place! I hope every heart mends well

well i made it through week 2 and i must have let you slip my mind for a minute cause i walked up on Sydney and thought it was you. I dont do that as I am to aware that your gone,i sure hope that someday i can find the fact that you 2 were bookends funny again but right now its just awfull painful, i am trying so hard to be able to think of you and not cry you broght me so much joy and laughter it seems wrong to be this sad, I miss you so much Sydney is being so loving (believe or not)and were giving her a lot of attention I feel bad for her to think she only started loving on you mrer days before you were gone from us,but i know you loved her so much and I am glad you got a little in return at last, sometimes i just think i am going to lose my mind, its just too quiet here nothing breaking or falling, I do think I am handling this better then Daddy cause at least i come here and type it out, he is lost as well. this morning he came to me and said I am so sad he thinks about you all the time and still thinks your going to greet him at the door. I sure wish i could help him but i cant even help myself evan now i can hardly see to type God this hurts so much i love you

Kasey's mom, for you and your DH two weeks is not very long. I am glad that Sydney is helping you. It was sweet when you said to Kasey that Sydney had become more loving. It's uncanny how they can sense things. I remember my cats spent a lot of days just being together just before Felix took a turn for the worse. As if they knew their time together was short. Wish they would have told me about that it would have lessened the shock. Take care, know that things will get better and repeat this to your DH because he needs to hear you say it; there will come days when you will feel lighter hearted, at first you might even feel a bit guilty for this, this happens especially when the usual mode has been one of grieving and sadness for a long time still ever so gradually you will find ways to reconcile your loss with the fact that you must make your life a better one, just like you want to know that Kasey is happy and carefree where she is, that she wants to see beautiful outcomes in the lives of the people who have taught her love and given her the opportunity to love back. You have to make it, for Kasey, for Sydney and for the beautiful persons that you and your husband are.
It will get better for you all, for sure. Believe in the future and be ready to make it happen your way when you are back on your feet.

Thanks Toonie, your right of corse. I bred persians for a while years ago. I had my first beautifull male and i just loved him he was cute fluffy and oh so beautiful, let me tell that cat wanted nothing to do with anyone he would let you pet him on his terms and never sit on a lap , i suppose it was beneth him, my best friend was killed in a car accident (drunk driver) and I was just a basket case it was a few days before x-mas and was so messed uo I sent my son away for the holidays as i just did not think it was fair to him, well let me tell you that aloof stand offish cat was my life saver. he left my side only to eat and potty! he sat with me, slept with me and got me through one of the worst times of my life, had i not always beeen a cat person and an animal lover in general that would have done it. a month later when ii was back at work all went back to normal but when i would have a bad day or crying he was always there to comfort , they always know when things are not well with you. I just wish I was that instinctive as I look back I can see things that told me that our Kasey was not well we used to think it amazing at some of the ways she would lay very uncat like now I realize she was trying to be comfortable I know there would have been little we could have done for her,and knowing may have been even harder and when i think we could have loved her more held her more thats not true we really could not have, I have lost cats and it was sad and i hurt over them. but this one I think because I have been off work since before i got her and she was just well my life she kept me laughing and not as sorry to be home as i might have been (as I am now) what a blessing she was to have and I am thankfull that i always knew that and was grateful every day for her. my son used to give me a hrd time and i remmember telling him when he wanted to move back with us and keep me rolling with laughter I would consider not spoiling the girls so much,,LOL needless to say he did not take me up on it.I think he was abit jealous as they had toys all over the place (Kasey did Syd does not play) and never had to pick them up mom did it..Hubby and I both hope to be able to have another furbaby to love and spoil but we know it would be unfair right now all babys deserve the best and we would be comparing and missing Kasey too much just now , we have decided to just wait and as we all know there always is some little one needing a home were just gonna let it happen, we thought it was happening the other day and we both just looked at each other with fear its way too soon.. we heard a baby crying in pain outside it wa awful when he went to look it was gone we think our neighbor caught it and took it to the shelter thats what we hope anyway (ours is a no kill) I was palnning to be a foster parent for them but our management has changed our rules so we can't, that was before Kasey left us and I wanted babies around. wel I made it through a typing with no tears so gonna close while i am ahead ..Thanks again
carolyn

Oh my sweet little baby today is a bad day! I was feeling a little perky and decided to clean a bit,its been rough going since you left, when we came home after you went I came right into the pc and wrote a little poem for you,then in my grief I went and threw out all your toys everything the bowl you took over when i left it on the table we let you keep it as you loved getting in it and we loved watching you curl up why we sat at the table,when it came to the point that you could only sit in it and look sad that you no longer could rest there it became you toy box, well it held alot of them anyway. all your balls save the one I hide away till I put it on my keychain, all the crumpled cigarette packs you had hidden under daddys chair ( we always knew about it btw we just did not let on daddy even took a picture of while i kept you busy in the kitchen) you had a bit of everything under there a ball off the x-tree a few toys and that stupid candy cane! (that mom and dad argued over, i was afraid you would try and eat it but you never opened it,cause you know i checked often) and yes i even threw out your x-mas turkey the one if we turned it on no matter where or what you were doing you had to come and watch it play, the one anyone that came in would say still x-mas?and the looks we got when we explained you loved it too much for us to put it away.all gone Daddy wanted your old ratty fish your favorite ( so much a favorite that you had to have 2 more just like it)I sent one with you of corse. well when i got into to clean mode there in the track of the sliding glass doors that i always keep covered was that furry mouse that you had torn apart so much it was flat ( you know that Sydney had that mouse for at least 3 years! and it took you minutes to tear it up naughty girl) anyway it sent me madd I miss you so always but sometimes its just unbearable like now. its hard as i do have to go out in a bit and i just cant pull it together and i really do not want to listen to anyones lecture on how i need to get over it or its been how long whatever I am done trying to explain i dont say anything only here and to Dad well the mouse is still there i could not bring myself to even touch it right now i just burst into tears and shut the blind back. My poor poor baby you loved living so much. today is a bad day I miss you sweety I just want to kiss your little belly so bad its agony here without you so empty and quiet

The tears are streaming from my eyes!I'm so sorry,I know the pain you are feeling and its so hard.My Joe has only been gone 5 days,7hrs.,12 minutes and 18 seconds.I feel like I'm going to die!Joe died by the hands of so called caregivers,I am so angry,and full of guilt for leaving my Joe.He suffered a slow and painful death,and I wish the same for them.I have always been a compasionate,forgiving person,but I'm afraid that part of me died with my Joe.I pray for forgiveness,and some type of relief,but right now I see no signs of either.I am empty and bitter,why did this have to happen to my Joe?I never knew one had so many tears.

I miss joe

Yeah the tears never end and just when your so spent you think another can't come there is a fresh new batch that pours out. I read your story and I am so sorry for your heartbreak.
I don't know what to say about your Hubby maybe he just could not take seeing you so hurt?
I have had that said to me as well by most of the family I know but not my Hubby Kasey was his Baby I got her for him the week i was supposed to go for a surgery and we were very worried as I have some health issues and so I went out and got him a baby to look after just in case and also he had never had a baby kitten before (I had got Sydney while he was back in Australia and she was 6 mo.s the first time he saw her)Boy did he love that baby! I feel bad for him as he can't get it out as much as me.And i think we both try and spare each others feelings alot. I know when he walks in here and see this site up he turns on his heels, he cant deal with it hes going to have to a bit next week cause i need his help to get pictures in here, and I want to see her so badly but there all inside his file somewhere the one thats my av I got from my ebay page. Sorry I always ramble when I start typing about Kasey but it helps me alot just being here typing.

well its another day without the baby I actully thought i was doing better with it,untill i realized i have been sleeping about 18 hours a day, I am trying my best to stay up today but sleep is sooo much easier then thinking right now, I have not been out of the house since last friday and I know thats not good but it all just seems to hard. i go between thinking its time to adopt another furbaby to thinking i will never do so and thats just wrong i would never want Kaseys legacy to be that I stoped having my pets, i have always had animals cats mostly and there all such a joy not to replace Kasey ever but I am thinking perhaps that a new baby would help me outta this funk, I am just afraid I mean is it fair of me to try and cope through a new baby? is it to soon? am i going to feel guilty if i do? I just dont know all i know is I am just so unhappy and really feeling useless and confused, I miss my Baby so much I just dont know what to do anymore

well the new thing someone just could not wait to tell me ! I was asked if I got (the cat)Kasey back yet?no. Are you still planning on it? yes of corse! why? How can you ask that I owe the bill to begin with(it was a skin deep i was dealing with (my sister))and I want her back! well I talked to a vet assit friend of mine she says they do not do private creamations and it wont be your cat you get back anyway! I said well I have heard that since and if it ever happens again i will go with to make sure! My poor husband was there to hear this and he I thought he was going to be sick and i was trying to just end the conversation, so i said I am aware of that but I still have to pay the bill, she said i would'nt they mislead you and wee praying on your distress! I said maybe so but regardless we owe them what we agreed and aslo if Sydney ever needs care we have to be clear there! I explained that Sydney probly has it to! her answer was so your going to take care of the cats what about your medical needs..there is there is no winning!
Now my husband is just so upset thinking about it and truthfully I have been trying not to think of it for a couple of weeks since i read something about that being the case, I have never been through an event like this and did not know to ask to go with her I have been trying to just forget i heard that but because of that conversation I am just horrified again, I mean I did not want to spread all of her ashes as we do not plan on staying here, so the plan was to sprinkle a few over Shorty's grave and put the rest in an urn that I have all picked out. now i dont know what to do, I am thinking since this was the only home Kasey knew maybe I should just let her go here I am afarid every time i look at the urn instead of being comforted I am goinng to just be upset! and I know hubby is, any suggestions or thoughts would be apreciated. I am not putting down communial creamation its just we opted and are being billed for private which was agreed to before we let her go.

Guess you will have to make that phone call and ask if the cremation was communal or individual because if I remember correctly, you had paid extra for individual? If it's communal they have to readjust the charges then. I agree with you, it is honorable to pay what is owed, just make sure that the charges are fair. You know, though it gives us comfort to visit our pet's grave, or to have an urn to keep their remains in, the best place to keep them is in our heart. Cremated they are carbon, burried they will eventually become carbon where they live now is in our hearts. Take care,
and know that your Kasey is with you and your DH , nowhere else.

Thank you Toonie and your right. Although at this point they could swear up and down and it wont matter, but its ok we have decided to do things different,no urn we will scatter Kasey over Shortys grave. I did not want to leave all of her here as were not going to be staying but with more thought the urn would not comfort us,and the fact is Kasey only knew this home so its ok. I have not been able to even type I just get to upset, Both Ty (hubby) and I miss her so much sydeny well i don't know sometimes I think she does but I do know she like being the only child again but thats ok she is loads of comfort. I think the day I can va%%m the little rug by the door I know it gonna be ok (she left a wisker there and I can't do it) i look at it alot and i know that i can't do that forever, I don't think Ty has seen it but who knows, I do know we are a bit at odds on whats next see I can not work and that means I am here all the time and I am feeeling the need for something to love me and be with me, I am afraid that sounds so selfish but its the truth I am so lonely without my Baby but Hes really not ready so I just dont know i do know he has a huge heart and would love a new family member in time but I want to be fair to him as well, at this point I am thinking of perhaps adopting an older dog from our pound as I dont think I want a kitten right now I am still so paranoid about Sydney, I constanly watch her breath its very nervewracking,but I can't help it,thank God she's already nerotic! Just giving her flea treatment made me cry as the dates say Syd-Kas and a day apart, nail cutting day is bad no screaming baby Kasey did not like that at all! We tried the cut a few and let her go but it was like continuing the tourtue longer so I opted just do it and get it over with, she was fast to forgive as long the treats were handy,LOL food motivated was our little Kasey!I always said she was a cross between a dog and a moose.Anyway it still helps to talk about er when I am able here I just look sooo forward to the day I can do it with no tears.

Well it's me again Baby I am just crying my eyes out over you, and cant seem to stop today, I keep expecting to be better but it just is not haoppening for me. I miss you so much all day ! i have tried everything I try looking at your beautiful picture that we framed , I try not looking and its just horrible here without you.I know too that I am being so selfish its been a very bad run for us since Shorty died, and then you my precious one, now everytime anything goes bad i just want you all the more you brought me so much comfort and i need that now i neeed you with me I cant stand it anymore seewhat i mean about being selfish..every disater that has come the last couple of weeks i just think how you would be able to make me smile I was so Happy with our little family and its just such a wreck now, anything that was not so good was ok cause we had Sydney ,Shorty, You and we had so much laughter at home we could just deal.it never mattered that we could not afford alot of activties that others might enjoy we had our entertainment right here and I was so gratefull for everything we had, now life is just one big chore latel. its so hard to deal with the bad stuff going on right now cause thers no laughter here Sydney is a great comfort always willing to snuggle but shes lost her playmate and so i am sure shes sad too. that cat that has your eyes keeps comming up andf Sydney gets so rattled that its awfull she rushes the door and just goes crazy the first couple of times i made the mistake of openong the curtian to see what was up Oh God it has to be the same color as you and Syd but it has your eyes to a T its crushing to see and its like a horrible joke with all the strays around here its the only one that comes up! all our thoughts on trying to help all the cats here have gone to pot , we just cant do it, no resorces, so we see a new litter wee at least teo litter since you've been gone, I wish I had someone to talk too, but theres not I try not to even bring you up. to anyone but daddy and i dont let him know how bad it is hes alseep and i awake so its not to hard to hide although last night I lost it just minutes before he had to go and i know it broke his heart and that just made it worse i felt so bad i could'nt hold it in till he left ,, I don't know what to do anymore I am so tired of spending my days trying not to think about you cause i cant stop thinking about you and the joy you brought to me and daddy.ok i think i have stoped for a while so i am going to bed,, i love you so much my little grey girl..

Its gettng no better my sweet Baby, I still miss you so much I cant even descibe it anymore theres a constant pain in my heart that just wont givme a break, I have tried diffeent things. like finally looking at the shelter website I wanted to get you a playmate before and waited to long (i know now) I tried to think about it and looking at all thoses sweet sad Babys at the pound I feel even worse, I can't do it right now, we keep thinking when the time is right it will just happen , as your dad and i couldnever turn anyone away that needed help or shelter, i see these poor babies running around here and it breaks my heart cause i know there future is so bleak, I always think back to the situation i found you in and I know you had the best life you could have with us, noone could have spoiled you more or loved you as much but even knowing this to be the truth it just was not long enough,I feel so guilty now about putting you through they spay sugery which we believe brought out the lukemia ( the vet told us stress would cause it) it stinks cause i was so happy the day you girls came home all safe and sound ad i was just so thrilled you would never have to go through what Sydney since she was almost 4 before we had it done, it was such a stresful week were did not want to leave you and Syd at the clinic and you know we were there an hour before they siad we'd be able to pick you girls up, i remmeber you hurt your little paw the night before and how when i asked them to be carefull with it .. I am just sooo sorry for puttting you throught that! i am so sorry that we were just elated that withing 3 days all well just great and we laughed at the fact you were both liking the pain meds a bit too much, you know Mommy even spread them out to last an extra day?you know one of the things i am most sorry about? is that that night you got sick that i did not hold you the entire time! I was just so worried about you being uncomfortable but if i knew i would be losing you I would have anyway, your daddy always says you were never any trouble but i tell him in the end you were I thought you had a hairball! I thought maybe an infection, but i just still can't wrap my mind around this I still expect you to come running I miss our bedtime well my bedtime your playtime,, that was a terrible habit we got into, but one of my greatest joys.
its just everything when daddy comes home from work and sits to relax theres nothing in his lap now i remmeber him saying every morning I'm not staying i have to go do ebay or whatever, and how you be asleep on his lap in seconds there there he sat cause he did not want to disturb you, i dont pay the rent anymore cause its just to hard I tried but your treats were sitting in the office still and i just lost it, everyone just thought you were so cute walking up to pay on your little leash and esp. me.. I was always just amazed at most things you did and still am, I just want to scream..thats how i walk around wanting to scream all the time.. i even tried staying out of this place your daddy thought maybe its was hurting me more reading all the storys (i dont think he knows how much i type myself) and i thought maybe he could be right, nope i was just as bad maybe worse, here i know they understand that everyone is trying to deal, in my life noone but daddy give 2 hoots, and now i only mention you here and to dad but not much cause it hurts him ,an though he tells me alway talk to him i hate to see the look in his eye when i do, hes sooo sad, i gotta go and try to stop crying before he wakes up,,I love you Baby!

Well another week I tried to write on monday but I could not get through it! I don't think mondays will ever be the same for me it will always be the day I lost my baby.
I dont know if I have made any progress yet as I still cry daily but I am grateful when it does'nt last all day. Maybe I want it to much, being able to think of you and smile being able to watch the little videos of you and me playing, I have watched them once but it was just so hard seeing you alive and happy, I can't wait to be able to watch them and laugh I pray that will happen!
I know that you had the best love anyone could give you, I know you were happy here,and I know you loved us just as much,But what if we had vet care? What if we had you checked out when we got you, what if what if what if, I keep trying to tell myself that if I had not taken you when I did theres no telling where you would have wound up,then the other part of my brain sayd maybe someone else would have been a more responable parent, had more funds and taken better care of you,maybe you would not have wound up outside and alone which is what i thought would happen,you were just so tiny and helplessand when i saw you there i just could not leave you , i remmember feeling guilty about leaving the other 3 babys there,I hate this wondering if i did the wrong thing.
My little Kasey I love you so much, I talked to Daddy the other day about being ready for another baby I think at this point it would help me, hes not able to consider it yet and once again and forever onward it will be a money issue as I just can't not know again, I would have kept you no matter what but we could have done things differently,and we would have known I am pretty sure the timing would have been the same (because of the size of the growth) then again if we had known you have lukemia maybe they would have caught th tumor sooner? I dont know and I am having a hard time knowing that we will never know.
daddys milk cup is still hiding in the back of the cabinet, the morning we came home from the er he just looked at it so I put it away and he was grateful after I assured him I would not let anything happen to it.. so now it him and Sydney with a x-mas cup and the cat mug you and her had on the table well thats now a valintine cup! I am sure thats silly but somethings just hurt us so much.I remmeber how you were the moose and Sydney would always just sit polit;y and if you did not feed her would just reach her paw up and tap your arm just in case you had not seen her ( she could not telll we were to busy defending our plates from you) you must have tought her well baby cause now shes a bit more aggressive just abit , she has gained 3 lb.s(which she needed) since the surgey I knew she would get some meat on her but I bet it would not have been so fast if you were chasing her around all she does is sleep,so I have been trying to take her out for walks,she does love that.
I went t to pay the rent today and I noticed the treats they kept fpr you were gone,which for me was better then seeing them sitting there.
I gotta go I am rambling on and just making myself worse..I miss you so much

When we came back from the ER after letting you go, i wrote a poem for my Baby.
It was within minutes and I am not a poet so its pretty raw I wanted to wait and do a nice tribute but I can't ,I just read for the first time in a mo. but I wanted to share
Thanks for taking time to read it. Carolyn

we had a little Kasey cat
as cute as she could be
she had an extra digit
how unique was she?

She'd shake your hand
she'd fetch you any toy
my little precious Kasey cat
she brought us so much joy

To let her go has broke our hearts
it happened way to fast
i guess that kind of furry love
is never meant to last

the little bowl she slept in
still sits upon our floor
the hundred toys we bought for her
that we cant look at anymore

we said goodbye and held her close
as her life came to an end
one last kiss on that soft soft fur
and came home without our friend

My Baby I miss you soo much, we actully had company today, of all the people I talked to and would see Kim i never did, till you left me, she was the only one to reach out to me, told me to write her anytime and was very understanding of my pain, truthfully I do hide it a bit now even to her because everyone thimks by now i should be done<<< Hahahaha they have no idea , only your daddy does but you know I dont like to upset him all the time so mostly I just cry to myself and here to you. anyway it was nice to shw your picture and here how cute you were and I was ok for a while, then I decided to go to the store with her, just to get a walk in. I always wanted all pink for you all the time,,, daddy thought it was silly but I thought a princess should have pink, well I was fine in the store till i saw the sweetest catbed PINK and I just lost it cause I would have gotten that for you. it does not take much for me to cry but I have been good latly in the store.
I sure wish you were here for me to spoil more,Sydney is still being very good a little more stand offish like she always was,,every once in a while I think she gets a snt of you cause she stops and does the mouth nose thing and kinda looks around its very hard when she does cause I wish I had the abilty to pick up your smell..I still have not vac%%ed up you little wisker ,,its right by my chair and its like a secert noone else can see it. I am thinking maybe I will put it in with your picture but later on anyway gonna go and try to stop crying now..I love you

Carolyn, that is a BEAUTIFUL poem you wrote for Kasey! I just loved it. I just wanted you to know another person out here feels your pain and understands EVERYTHING you wrote!
Laney