I just have to say what happened ,I have a few friends and more family,and but for my husband none of them understand nor do they seem to care. I have had one out of all say I am sorry to hear....I just need to tell it to someone who understands so here goes.
Kasey was only 9mo.s old She wa a supprise for my Husband (he'd never had a kitten) when I went to pick her up she was so tiny and to young to leave mom but she was in a bad situation and I just could not leave her! So home she came and she just lit up the house! We had Sydney (4) our other cat and Shorty (3) Our parakeet that we got for Sydney.But Kasey Just seemed to be the completion of our little family! Anyway life wa just one big love fest in our house. My husband and I had had 7 really hard years trying to be together I had gotten Sydney while he was forced to be in Austrlia for 6 long mo.s (imagrations woes for 7 years)any way,everything was comming together. 3 weeks ago out of the blue Shorty passed we were crushed we love that little bird.We had a little service for him. and planted a rose.And I held on to Kasey alot I have been unable to work for 7 mo.s so she was my constant companion.She had and extra digit so I taught her to shake,she fetched just like a dog, and we went for walks she took to a leash right away.On moday a week after Shorty had passed we took both girls in to be spayed I remmeber we both were so nervous about leaving them but they came out fine and Sydey was even better all of the sudden she love her little sister and Kasey had always loved her in 2 days they were all better.On sat. we were talking about how lucky we were! on sunday I gave the girls there snack at 9:00 at 9:45 I said to hubby as he was leaving Kasey looks like shes having trouble breathing @ 12 I was on the phone telling him to come give me the car to take her to the er. We had talked about it we figured I was just being a nervous because of Shorty So even though I was upset I kept thinking that I was just being hysterical that she had a hairball or at worst an infection from the surgery.It turned out to be one of the longest nights of my life.She went from crying for her snack to 3 hours later having no hope.With-in an hour I was getting Kaseys daddy from work so he could hear and then we left for them to do more test! It was wosre then they thought its was feline lukemia and no hope only torture for her if we tried to save her which we did fight over abit I just could not let my baby suffer hubby wanted to take her home just one more night with her, when they brought her in she was having such trouble breathing (and we had had them Tap her lungs just an hour before) it was awful. We had a few minutes with her I let her have all the Baby beef (favorite snack) she could eat which was not alot then we held her while they gave her the shot.I dont remmemeber ever feeling pain like that! Being responsable for that tiny life slipping away,and I have never seen pain like that in Ty's eyes(hubby)I have lost precious pets before a few were very tragic and trumatic but I am not copeing with this at all By the time I found this place its been 4 days and I just am not healing. Did not help when the er called yesterday and threatend not to do as we wished with her if we did not pay the bill immediatly. they called her it and well what a mess..anyway if you made it all the way thru this I thank you so much so listening I came home from the hospital and wrote a poem for her but this is so long I may post it later. thanks
KaseysMom

Oh, Kaseys mom, my heart goes out to you. I'm so very very sorry for your loss, and that you've met with some insensitivity. That makes it even worse, I know. It's going to take longer than 4 days to feel like you're getting better, but we're here for you and we care so much. Cry as much as you need to, come here and pour out your feelings as much as you need to. There will always be someone to listen.

With VERY MUCH sympathy,

Michelle (Lucy & Josie's mom)

Poor you. We're here for you. When you are ready to talk more or send in your poem we will be there too. I'm very sorry you have to go through this, the first while is just so hard and there isn't much to do except let the tears flow. You'll be there for your DH and he will be there for you. I hope both of you will give lots of love to your Sidney, I'm sure he is missing her too and that can affect them seriously.
Try to not mind the insensitive people that are giving you a hard time.
I am shocked at how the ER people are acting with you. If they make any threats about Kasey insist that they provide you with a letter stating their demands and the consequences if those demands are not met. That ought to cool their tool for now; when you are back on your feet you can consider suing them for the trauma that they are causing you. This is all very hard for you but try and be strong,Kasey's mom.

Thank you so much! I cant tell you how much your kind words mean to me.I had to get out of here today, so i tried to go visiting I had to not cry around the skin deeps (I love that term)I did ok, I excused myself after I heard we all have had pets that died what made it so hard on you? (not asked in a caring matter but an acusatory one)with them assumeing I was ok now cause I was not crying ( i had Kaseys favorite fetch ball on my keychain in my pocket and boy was i rubbing it)I got in my car and let it out.When I got home I saw both your answers and it was life saving! I miss her so much and the routines we had seem never ending,as i am sure yall know. I had not done the dishes in 2 days(i know thats gross ) I just could not do it as that was her cue to come beg for a snack, as soon as she saw the little dish getting washed she would cry and then Sydney would know to come and they both would get some baby food! whan i did them other day and noone came i freaked out Sydney did not know to come cause her little sister did not call her. After reading your replys I did go and do them. I cried but we now have forks and plates and i took Sydney a treat. I cant explain why it help me maybe just that someone understood. I thank you both again!

You're at the right place, we understand and are or have been going through much of the same. Just keeping things going is quite an accomplishment for poor souls such as ours! You ought to congratulate yourself and I stick my tongue out at all our ugly skin deeps
Here's one I heard yesterday:


(of course, I would add cats to that wish!)

I'm glad you have clean dishes now, and that you got through doing them, even though I can picture you crying through the whole dishwashing process, and my heart goes out to you even more. Remembered routines are the hardest, but if taken just one thing at a time, knowing it's okay to be sad and to cry through them, somehow we get through them. Hearing how you rubbed that ball on your keychain just breaks my heart for you, I understand exactly what you needed just then, and what that ball meant to you.

Try and remember, too, that you can also talk to Kasey all you want to in your heart. Tell her you love her and that you always will, tell her you miss her, tell her you'll never forget her. And then, when you start feeling strong enough after a while, maybe your heart will be able to start telling her about something funny that happened today, or about something nice someone said. When there's a death, all that means is that the relationship has to change -- it doesn't mean it has to completely end altogether.

Whatever makes you feel better, do it. That'll make Kasey happy. And give Sydney a big hug and kiss from the friends you have here!

(And Toonie, I love that Erica Jong quote, it's beautiful)

-- Michelle (Lucy & Josie's mom)

You guys are just fantastic! It was so comforting to see your replys today. I woke up this morning knowing today is the day the baby goes out for cremation and although I am grateful that they agreed to follow our wish's for a private rather then communial cremation,(which we had arranged before we let her go)but when she comes back next friday they will keep her there untill... so we are just sick over it as just that one night put us behind on the rent and so theres no way we can get her out so last night Hubby stayed up all night putting everthing he could on ebay,he took over when i went to bed.So I am thinking positive that we will get lucky cause we want her home. I must ad btw that although I will never forget the look on Ty's face when the gal on the phone was threatening him with his baby,he went so white and did not want to tell me but meek as I am I sure overcame for a few when i called that lady back! anyway what i was going to say was that as horrible as that was and is .. the vet and staff were so very good to us i really cant say enough, in fact if not for the vet I would have not been able to argue with the billing gal. see they had us sign a note just so we could proceed without waiting. Thank God we lucked out there! Kasey just deserves so much better then this. I just can not leave her sitting on some shelf in there! So roll on ebay..Thanks again to both of you and I am thinking of you too.

I am dreading tommorow the night she got sick. I thought she had a hairball at worst I thought she had an infection from the spay,I was just being a nervous nelly after just losing Shorty (our parakeet) just over a week before i was still missing his morning chirps his demanding tone when we did not put him to bed on time.So I was thinking i was so silly for crying even before i took her into the er. I was so worried that I was just tossing money we do not have hubby thought we should just watch her till the morning but he left work at midnight to bring us the car and off we flew. Not much more then an hour later he had to leave work again to come and talk to the vet, as he could not believe it anymore then I could.sometimes we both wish we had waited till the morning just to have that one last night . I find myself questioning everything.want to go look up feline lukemia but so so afraid that i will read we should have tried. I just heard pain and no hope and could not think of letting her go through that she was so sweet and precious to me I could not bear the thought ,but it was a unknown vet did I trust her to fast she seemed to really care. I dont know, did i do the right thing talking hubby out of trying chemo? trying everything?the guilt is very heavy.and that is the one thing i have not said to anyone the mantra is "I know we did the right thing for her maybe not for us but for her" i am not so sure i believe myself.going on 6 days sometimes it feel like I have been missing and grieving her for forever and sometimes it seems like is just happened a minute ago.
I read they chose tears... wow

No matter what, guilt hovers over our decisions. You did the right thing, hard as it was, hard as it is for you right now. I have had a lot of guilt for putting my cat to sleep, I kept a file where I would re read things to help me live with that. In case it helps you or anyone else reading this post, here is something that I cut and pasted some time ago, I don't know who wrote it - if someone knows perhaps they can credit the author, thanks for this in advance. Here is the text:


"There is simply no way that you can be responsible for any misfortunate events that happen to your pet that are beyond your control. But when you feel responsible, you feel guilty.

As with anger, guilt can be a distraction from the recovery process when you focus on it for too long. You will tend to internalise with guilt and dwell on what you feel are your own inadequacies and failings, rather than accepting the reality of your pet's death. Guilt has one over anger in that it wags its finger at you and demands you suffer for it, in turn destroying your self confidence. Guilt highlights the real or imagined negative side of your relationship with your pet, when instead you need to focus on the positive aspects, the happy times you shared together, the daily kindnesses you showed to your pet.

Again I emphasise, you should never feel guilty. Let's just suppose for the sake of argument that you did make some terrible mistake or decision which caused the death of your pet. Embracing your guilt only prevents you from moving on, to forming new loving relationships with future pets. It also impedes the recovery process. You were not evil for making that decision, committing that action. You loved your pet, and if you did so happen to make a bad decision it would have been only through ignorance.You cannot be blamed by anyone for that. Feeling guilty will help neither you, your departed pet, any future or existing pets you may own, or your close friends and family.

We're all human. To err is to be human. We all make mistakes, it's the most natural thing in the world to us imperfect humans. We can't know everything. But we can also learn from those mistakes, grow from the experience. That is all part of our progression through life. Rather than let guilt drag you down into a morass of pain and despair, acknowledge any mistakes you made were made simply through ignorance or accident, and move on. Bookmark the mistake, learn from it, don't repeat it, but move on, for the sake of your recovery from the grieving process and for the sake of your other pets and loved ones around you. You loved and cared for a pet throughout its life to the best of your abilities and knowledge - that makes you a very special and worthwhile person. Don't denigrate yourself, you don't deserve that.

Everything you ever did for your pet at that time was what you believed to be the right thing to do, the best thing, because you did it out of love. Don't do disservice to that love by blaming yourself and plunging yourself further into pain and despair when you don't deserve it.

You are not alone in these feelings of guilt. Many millions of other good pet lovers such as yourself have endured these feelings. But you should not torture yourself with guilt and doubt. Your pet is no longer in pain. He or she is at peace, and is all the better for having been loved by you throughout their life. It is certainly not your fault either that pets live shorter lives than humans. Instead of punishing yourself, acknowledge the fact that to have loved a pet, to have bonded with it so closely, reflects so well upon you as a worthwhile person. There are countless others who do not care for pets in this way.

You need to forgive yourself, to externalise these emotions, and so regain that road to recovery. You deserve that, believe me. By externalising your pain, you gain a power which can be wielded for the good of other pets and other pet lovers. But you must learn to stop hating yourself, and accept that you are indeed a good person.

Again, to reaffirm, you should never feel guilty about anything. Few people are evil - if evil truly does exist - most tragedies occur through accidents beyond one's control or simple ignorance. Either way you are not to blame.

Any close friend or family member worth their salt will confirm what I have said, and at this stage you should seek such a person out and confide in them, as this invariably aids you on the road to recovery and keeps you removed from that helpless feeling of emptiness that may remain."

Thank you I knw your right.though i cant feel it and other then here i have noone to turn to as hubby feels more guilty then i do. but it was helpful to read, i dont fell so alone in my feelings
thanks again

Dear Kasey's Mom,

I just read your post. I'm so very sorry for the pain you are going through. Please know, you did everything you could have for Kasey. She needed love from you & your hubby during her life & you gave her exactly that. Don't look back on your decision to end her suffering. I truly believe that, when they are hurting, this is never a wrong decision.

Your hubby sounds like an awesome guy. You both have so much love to give. Love the heck out of your Sydney, keep spoiling her & enjoy every minute you have with her. Who knows, maybe the day will come when you can open your arms to another pet, & you will find joy in their little quirks & their little habits. No pet will replace your sweet little Kasey, I know. Just keep your heart open. You sound like a very caring, wonderful fur-mama.

I am thinking of you.

Best wishes,

Kim

P.S Toonie, I loved that article. Just what I needed to read right now. Thank you so much!!!!

Thank you! kind words are always so nice to hear. I know everyone here is in such pain so reaching out means even more.and I really appreciate it so much.even more so maybe cause I talk about it anywhere else.And at this point not even to hubby so much as he is in so much pain and at least I am comming here and getting some out,maybe cause hes a guy he does not feel free to share with anyone but me and he holds back because i am crying all the time already, I left him a letter telling him he cant make me cry anymore and to feel free, I really wish he would poke around here a bit I do feel like it helps me just to know I am not alone or insane or both. Anyway I wish you my best also.

When we got home after losing our little baby, I wrote this poem.I have not been able to read it again since the day and i wanted to post it with her picture but i dont know how and hubby just can't do it yet.

KASEY

We had a little Kasey cat
As cute as she could be
She had an extra digit
How unique was she?

She'd shake your hand
She'd fetch you any toy
My little precious Kasey cat
She brought us so much joy

To let her go has broke our hearts
It happened way to fast
I guess that kind of furry love
Is never meant to last

The little bowl she slept in
Still sits upon our floor
The hundred toys we bought for her
That we cant look at anymore

We said goodbye and held her close
As her life came to an end
One last kiss on that soft soft fur
And came home without our friend


What a horrible horrible day. thanks for letting me share

Absolutely, definitely not insane or alone!.... We're here, & we know, trust me. It's an awful ordeal, what you are going through. For me, some days are sort of ok but other days I can't think of anything but Peaches & how much I just want her laying next to me, purring like she should be doing.....she was my love. I miss her more than I can tell you, but I can't regret ending her pain. The only pain now is mine, from missing her. Her suffering is over. I do take comfort from that.

Some days will be better than others, & some will be difficult. But you will ALWAYS have Kasey in your heart. You gave her the best life & all the love a kitty could ask for. That's what matters.

Let us know how you are doing. I am thinking of you.

Kim

Oh, Kasey's mom,

What a beautiful poem & tribute to your sweet baby. She was so loved, & I'm sure she knew that.

Again, my best thoughts to you.

Kim

Thank you and yes she was I have no guilt about her life with us,, she had it made as did we except for nail day she was so scared of the clippers and since dad was a big ol wuss I still have the scars to prove it. i love each of them.
Kim I too took her baby blanket in though I think it went with her I remmember ( I cant call and check as i am just to upset at what there putting us through )they brought her to us in a towel and I cried "She needs her blankee first" I thank God i do have a piece big enough to go under her urn I had bought a big piece of blanket frabric for Sydney and had cut off a small piece when our bird Shorty was very sick and I thought he was dying to hold him with all night he recovered and when he died less then 2 weeks before Kasey I did not even think to bury it with him. so It will serve well and I plan on putting a few of Kasey ashes over Shorty's grave as she used to love to get on top of him (on his cage when we cleaned him up)never a worry as he had grown up with Sydney and we always feared more for Kasey he was well lets just say he did not put up with any cat nonsense..
Today I have spent waiting for the call that Kasey is back at this point I guess we dont get that curtesy as much as I thank the staff that took care of us at the time and plan on letting them know that, I am glad i am a shy quiet person cause the thoughts that run through my mind for the actual office there I cant tell you, the lack of compassion the threat of our baby and when we signed THE paper and the billing paper we were told another story I guess the outcome would have been the same but I still want her home 3 mo.s seems just unbearable, I will end up calling them if they dont call me, I cant see how I can make it worse.
thanks for your kind words and I read your story and am thinking of you too.
Carolyn

Oh, I'm so sorry. I know you did the best you could. I wish I could have done that for my Chevy, but I was too selfish. When we took him in as a stray kitten he had feline leukemia. But we had not other cats, and didn't euthanize him because he showed no symptoms, and we kept him indoors because we didn't want him to spread it to other cats.
He lived many years symptom free, then had an episode like you described.
I didn't put him to sleep, even though the vet gave no hope, I was so in denial he would die, then watched him gasp in agony till he died. Looking back, I should have euthanized, but I don't know what was going on in my head.
You made the right choice. It is SO unfair, your baby was so young. You did the most humane thing, not letting your baby suffer.
I hope after your grieving you can post some pictures and share some of babies life with others. Although it was short, I'm sure you packed in enough love to last a lifetime. Take care, and many cyber hugs to you and hubby.

I guess theres no happy ending cause I wish I could have broght Kasey home my husband wanted to and I just said I could'nt I regret that! he wanted just one more night but I could not handle it.And though he would never say it. iI will always wonder if he thinks i was wrong or blames me.
I am so sorry about what happened with your baby I just cant imagine what you went through and my thoughts are with you.I know we all choose what we think is best and then most I suppose wonder forever if we made the right choice s you said to me you loved your baby and thats all that matters in the long run no matter how much pain it cause's us I know none would trade that love for no tears.

I just called and Kasey is back at the er. i just want to run right down there and get her. I never in my life say why me its like wishing something on another but this is so unfair for them to hold her like a pawn shop or something,I am going to go be sick!
God i am so glad I found this place sometimes i think it keeps me from just checking out (not going insane)
Carolyn

well I figured it out!! The avatar is the picture of Kasey's thats on my ebay site there were about ten of thise games up some new but only mine sold i am sure it was because of Kasey's input I was going to change my user name to Kasey's corner, we were always having to fight her for the key board,and she watched over all transactions..maybe next I can figure out how to put pics. or video. I am not very good at this stuff.