I want to thank everyone who's been keeping in touch with PMs over the past week. There are quite a few of you and you know who you are!

I feel it is important for me to post publicly again because in the time since the original thread regarding Penny was locked by LS support, a new furmom has contacted me but is afraid to post because of the way my decisions were so harshly judged.

Now, I DON"T WANT THAT WHOLE THING TO START UP AGAIN, because that is NOT the way things usually work around here and we all know it. We are in the business of consoling each other. We all have a common bond -- a deep sense of loss for our furbabies (sometimes furlessbabies too!) I truly believe what happened to me was a fluke. When it comes to medical care of dogs -- routine or emergency -- I personally have never seen anyone criticized for any decisions or treatments they did or did not use. Penny was suffering from 3 diagnosed canine psychological disorders, which is something we here on LS usually don't lose our own dogs to. What happened next is what would have happened if anyone questioned someone's medical decisions -- all hell broke loose! I am grateful to LS Admin for shutting the whole thing down! And again, I'm grateful to all of you who have been with me through this.

We tried everything we could to save Penny. If anyone has any concerns about what medical or profession psychological treatment she received before it all came to this terrible end, I will be happy to answer you in a PM. But please keep it off this board! This is a place for healing - not interrogating!

Penny is at peace now. She's buried next to her beloved Copper and they share a stone that says, "If love could have saved you, You would have lived forever..."

Good to have you back V!

So glad you're back Vizsla-Angel! I'm relieved your agony is over, I know how difficult it must have been, poor poor you. It is comforting to learn that Penny is lying next to her beloved Cooper. My two cats are buried together too, they needed each other more than anyone or anything else and it was the last thing I could do for them. My heart still breaks to think of my old Yukon trying to get outside of the house despite problems with his eyesight and legs, hoping to find his brother Felix and bring him back home. He would do that when night time came and though I didn't have the heart to refuse him this spark of hope, it was terrible to see him return ten minutes later, dejected, and ready to die. With his brother was the only place he wanted to be during the three weeks that he survived him. I now realize that I should have brought back Felix's body for Yukon to see that he had died, I would do that if I could turn back the time. Still, I heard of someone who did that , even let her other cat see her mate buried and all the surviving cat wanted to do was to go lie on top of her grave, she died 5 weeks later. If we humans can become so despondent over the loss of a special mate, think of how it is for some of our pets, they have so much less to occupy their time and thoughts. As for poor Penny, the grief that she could only express by building up her anger at the world was one hundred times worse, because her past had made her much more fragile than the pets we have known. You did more than most of us would for Penny and you should never doubt your actions. Without you, she would never have known love and happy times. What about her last eleven days? Look at it this way.
After my soul mate Yukon died, my grief was so bad , I couldn't have cared where in hell I was, in jail, in a five star hotel or in my home...none of this mattered and I could not be comforted by anyone either, I could just absorb all that pain as it came and nothing else mattered. I don't see how Penny could have been made happier or more miserable, to have put her to sleep earlier would have required that you be able to see the future, take preventative action, quit while you were ahead, before she got worse and how could you do something so cold hearted when you really wanted to try so (too?) hard??? There was nothing that you could have done better and that all that should happen only months after losing your precious Cooper made me feel terribly for you, it's close to 6 months for me and I am not over it yet, I don't think I could handle something like this even now.
Vizla-Angelwhat you have gone through was at the same time a test of character for you and you came through honorably. I'm glad and not surprised at all that you got so many pms I know I sent you a few, I really felt horrible for you, especially knowing we can be our own worst critics, we certainly don't need more stuff to be slapped on at times like these. Let's never forget that compassion is essential to our healing too and this is what LS allows us to do, feel and receive compassion.
I hope that all of us can become better persons through this, we can all use some encouragement and should bestow it on all who come here with good intentions.

Its good to see you back. While everyone may not agree with your decisions, I know you did what you thought was best. I am glad that Penny is at peace now and I'm sure she and Copper are happy to be together again. May Penny find the peace and comfort with him that she just couldn't find in her life.

It makes me very sad to see that you aren't the only one who has been absent from here since this happened. I hope the others will come back as well.

I wouldn't have made it without this site when Alley passed, and this is still where I come when things are rough and I need to talk about my girl. I don't ever want to feel like I can't do that here.

V

It really is great to see you back. I'm so sorry about Penny. The only thing I can think of it is that she is with her beloved Copper, where she wanted to be. I know how hard it was for you to lose her.

This is a great place for support. That is what it's for, I think judgement is simply not part it. We are here to help and support each other. After all no matter how long the post, how much information we have, we aren't the ones living it. I trust that each person who posts has thoughfully done their very best. Some of the sweetiest most caring people come here. I would only question something if the person ASKED for help. Then I would be very careful of the persons feelings.

Many times I write something and then re-read it and erase it. That is another great thing about this board, you can get some things out, but never actually post it.

TO A NEW PERSON, please feel that you can post and get support. I know you are doing your best in a tough situation. We can and want to help.

V. I know you went above and beyond for Penny. Just like many of us have done. It really hurts when you feel like your best wasn't good enough, I know I feel like that. I guess we just have to remember that our babies have choices too, and respect them.

Love

V~ glad to see you back here, i have missed you.
thought of you yesterday while driving home from work(do my bestest thinking while driving).
i know penny is at peace now and is with cooper. they are running free and loving each other. they are watching over you. hows the new pup doing? marley doing ok to?
really happy to see you again.
take care
michelle.

Welcome back, Vizsla-Angel! So glad to "see" you!

-- Michelle K.

HI V!!
Hey nice to hear your words again...this place needs you, you always give very insightful comments and support. I know the healing is only just beginning for you, I hope the road is smooth and time is kind to you.. Take Care and keep us posted on the antics of Marley and Buddy....

We are actually checking into breeders, I know thats a bad subject around here, but we do want a puppy, ( know I am crazy) but I am still feeling sad for my boy, sometims I want an old guy I can just hug on but the health issues are still so raw and scary...I am still accosting/hugging kissing etc.... stranger dogs in the neighborhood, I know we are great animal people and need it...I am checking on rescue guys too, because I will be rescuing one to go with our new baby at some point, whenever that happens... Wish us luck...and send more pictures... Much Love, Tory Hrudey's Momma

vizsla-angel,

What a pleasant surprise! I thought you probably would not come back to us on this board, and I am very very happy to see you back.



I couldn't agree with you more. The whole thing going on in the last moments before the topic was closed down was simply shocking to me, and certainly to most of us.

It feels so nice to hear that Penny is now right next to her favorite buddy! And again, it's wonderful to see you back here!

Dear Vizsla-Angel:

I am very happy that you have come back here .

Your precious, beloved Penny is at peace now -- I know that she loves you very much and will ALWAYS live on in your heart! She is with your darling Copper up at Rainbow's Bridge, and in my mind.......all of our furkids are running around together and having a blast up at the Bridge...

I LOVE what you have had etched on their stone ---- "If love could have saved you, You would have lived forever..."

That says it all .

Peace & Love to you and yours,

Denise

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone! I was a little nervous about posting again. But more than anything, I didn't want to look like I had just vanished on that last note. Not with others reading it and getting the wrong idea.

I first found LS 6 years ago, late at night after my German Shorthair pup Patton died of a bowel obstruction. That was back in the days when my ex & I were training upland game dogs. We got Patton from his first mom after his first dad was murdered. They were friends of ours and we wanted to honor him by completing Patton as a show champion & master hunter. Well, less than 3 months after we got him, he got the bowel obstruction and even with 2 surgeries and advanced life support we just couldn't save him.

That was so overwhelming, I don't know how I would have gotten through it without LS! This place is not only a good place for support and feedback, but sort of an online journal. You can go back and see how far you've come. Or re-read things that have helped in the past. Or just read other peoples posts to know you're not alone. When Copper passed, I was so glad to find it was still here.

As for the here & now -- losing Copper & Penny so close together feels like someone took an eraser to a part of my life. I really do love the new dogs, don't get me wrong. It just seems all messed up -- I'm supposed to have vizslas! I'm supposed to have Copper & Penny! And then I'm back to my old pattern of not sleeping at night, not eating, and chain smoking. When Copper died, I was on winter break from school. This time I'm not and I'm in serious trouble with my classes. Part because my right arm wasn't very functional for a few days, but mostly because I've just been so depressed that I've been blowing off classes. The house is a mess for the most part. The only things I've been taking care of on a regular basis are the cats and dogs needs. I hate this! I guess the only "good thing" is that I know the "routine" and this isn't going to last forever...

Dear V,

First I want to tell you how GLAD I am to hear from you back here on the LS boards!!! You & your sweet brood have been on my mind so much lately.

I have also been out of touch with keeping up on my house, my yard, my phone calls, etc. since I lost Peaches. I smoke too & I feel like I have been smoking more since all this started with her in late March. I am taking a long weekend starting tomorrow for the first time since Peaches got sick & am hoping that a change of scenery will help take the edge off.

I am so glad you have your new companions! I'm sure that as you get to know them better, you'll find that they will bring you tons of joy in their own sweet little ways.

I would like to encourage the new member who contacted you (who is hesitant to post) to please consider doing so. As you said, most of the members here are using this forum as intended, a place to grieve & get support. You really can't reap the rewards if you don't take the risk. Looking forward to meeting you!

V, so glad to have you back!!!!

Grieving is hard on your health. I totally understand the chain smoking,
skipping meals etc... V.Angel, because your arm is healing you probably know that
it's important to help it along with good nutrition -thinking especially of lots of vitamin C to compensate for the smokes. Get your vitamins from food,organic when possible, it's the best source of nutrients, much better and cheaper than supplements: lots of orange juice, vegetable juice (spike the juice with a little vodka if it feels better!)and a little bit of red meat- take care and wishing all of you here health and healing.

Yep, that's the thing with us smokers Kimm -- something goes wrong and it's time to light up! I don't know about you but I'm almost up to 2 packs a day. I know this is really not good. And yet, I don't care. All I can really say is that it's a good thing I quit drinking a long time ago or I'd just be spending this time in a drunken stupor. Man I have a lousy att*itude! But again, I just don't care...



I'll try to keep you all posted on the new guys mostly in New Beginnings so as not to hit any raw nerves again. There is more exciting news to be heard. My batteries for my camera just died, so you'll all just have to be patient. At least I finally got rechargeables.

I understand why you've decided on a puppy rather than a senior. I'm the one in favor of gun-shy hunting dogs. Did I get one? No. And I don't think I'll ever take on another abused vizsla, even though I was told that Penny was the worst case scenario. She was probably sound sensitive as a pup, raised by a deaf couple who didn't know anything about vizslas in the first place, and became she noise phobic. Vizslas are a very special breed and they're just not for everyone. You can't every YELL at them too much because they're so emotional. I really don't feel like getting into that whole thing right now, okay? It's a long, terrible story. That's the part that hurts the most. Knowing what she went through and that she was hurt so badly that she couldn't be saved. Even though she loved me, she would never trust me or anyone else for that matter. Now I'm crying so hard, I can barely type... It just makes me so mad that someone would just breed for profit and sell a dog to just anyone without making sure they knew the special needs of the breed! This whole thing didn't have to happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyhow, that was a different direction. What I was saying was, I understand why you've decided on a puppy rather than a senior. You know how I grabbed this little half-staved guy out of the shelter for an over-night foster and ended up keeping him because his only problem was he was too stressed out to eat there. Well, now that he's here, he's shown me something -- he used to get beat! Lord knows I would never lay a hand on an animal, but Buddy doesn't know that. Marley is still quite the problem chewer, moving from one thing to another, yet to figure out that he should be chewing his hundreds of chew toys. After he ate a couch cushion, I blew up! I caught him in the act and started screaming. Buddy ran and hid even though he was innocent. That made me feel bad so I went to find him and he was terrified. He was doing the cowering thing that dogs do when they get beat. And he also runs away and is afraid to come back. When he does, he does the cowering thing like he's about to get beat. Well, this new behavior throws me for a loop. Whereas I know what to do, I freeze instead. So it goes like this: Buddy won't come when he's called. I get about 4' from him. He crouches down, starts shaking, and waits to get beat. I stand there and wait to get bit. It's a mess. If we're lucky, my husband or son shows up, calls him until he finally crawls over and they praise him for coming. If not, we have to wait until I snap out of it. I'm glad that he didn't do that cowering thing before I adopted him or it might have stopped me. Perhaps "getting back on the horse right away" is the best thing for me in this matter. It's obvious that my confidence has taken a serious beating if I'm having trouble with something so simple. I think if I would have allowed myself too much time to think about it before jumping back in, I could have turned the whole thing into a very serious fear. This guy has yet to even curl a lip at me and shows such a desire to please. He loves everyone here, but more than anything, he wants his mama! Buddy & I have a lot of healing to do together. And that's more about feeling and stuff than new dog, so it should be okay.....

Oh toonie!! you posted that while I was writing my long post and said it was a good thing I quit drinking!!

More bad advice from Toonie! the booze won't help the grief anyways (believe me I should know!) so you are smart to leave it out! Take care , beautiful days are coming!

You don't know me but I am glad you are back too. I spoke of you in this post when my beautiful 8 year old ferret Abigail died.

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...st=0#entry30453

Please be well

I was still reading the board somewhat while I wasn't posting, but I missed that. Thanks for pointing that out to me and everything you said. You really picked up on a lot of what I was feeling and your understanding means more to me than I could ever express in words. So just consider yourself hugged and throughly sobbed on...

I'm so sorry to hear about Abigail. My thoughts and prayers are with you.