I am in shock I guess. He played with me this morning, though I noticed some limping. He was a French Bulldog, and they have back problems pretty often I guess.

After a few hours, he was yelping when I touched him! I took him to the vet, he was fine, the vet couldn't find anything. When I got there to pick him up, he was yelping again. I made plans to bring him in tomorrow. Took him home, he was acting very strangely- like he was confused, didn't want to go inside. It breaks my heart to even think about it.

I took him to the emergency vet. Had to go to work for a few hours, which frankly sucked. When I got back, he had just passed- he was in distress from the pain and they were trying to sedate him. They gave him steroids, noting helped his mouth- it was getting more and more swollen. Couldn't get the tube in his throat! He was choking to death, and it kills me. They had to knock him out, then he stopped breathing.

I don't know how to say good bye to him. I was with his body and just cried and cried. I feel awful that I wasn't there at his terrible time of distress! Why is what I keep asking over and over.

I have a cat who keeps going to the door, looking for Doug. He's in my lap now, which is weird for him, he is not a lap cat. But he's being so sweet and supportive now. I appreciate this board- I just had to vent and write it out.

Doug was a total, complete love bug. Snuggled with me every night, always greeted me with his special snorting way, loved to run around with me. I am lost, he was such an immense force in my life.

I feel for you - I'm Leroy's Mom - and I share a lot of the same feelings you have. I'm sorry you lost Doug and I understand how much pain you are in. Fortunately, I was laid off 3 wks ago because I could not work right now if I tried. Your cat senses and shares the pain you are in and is trying to comfort you and get comfort from you at the same time. Some of your questions you will never find an answer to - but know this: Doug loved you just as much as you loved him and nothing will ever change that. You will find you have friends here who care...I came here at 4:30am...looking for just that.
Sharing your grief-
Karen

I am so sorry to hear of the unexpected passing of your best friend. There are no words to describe the emptiness you feel. Sometimes it is difficult for us to understand why these things happen. You did everything right. Don't beat yourself up for not being there at the end. Your furry pal knows you were there when it counted. When I lost my dog unexpectedly 2 months ago, I put her on the floor next to me and looked into those beautiful blue eyes. Even though the body was fighting to stay alive, I m sure she was gone then because those eyes just gave me a vacant stare back with no recognition of who I was. Take care of yourself in the days and weeks ahead. Try to remember the good times. Tell us more about Doug when you feel like it. You have friends here.

Pam and Karen,

Thanks so much. I am so grateful for this board. My friends and family are now starting to call- people are very supportive which is great. Doug passed late last night, so I felt that I couldn't call anyone, but having this board helps. I keep thinking I am going to hear him galloping down the steps, wanting to go for a walk.

What I can't wrap my mind around is, yesterday morning he was fine! Within 12 hours, he went through so much pain, confusion, desperation, and ultimately death. I can't believe it. His little sweaters are still laying around, it's killing me. Where do I put his stuff?

Thanks so much everyone. I am so very sorry for your losses, too. I completely, utterly, understand how the loss of pets is totally devestating. I will what I can for all of you.

Since I just lost Leroy 2 days ago, I'm not very confident in giving advice, but here goes. I still have just a couple of his things here that I can't put away yet. His blanket he loved to lay on is still on the couch and I lay on it so I can feel like he is still close to me. I did put away his water bowl and food things and cleaned out his litter and put the box in the garage. His leash is still hanging on the hook. I just don't have it in me to get rid of all that was his. While Leroy was an old guy and I could see him slipping away, he too ate the night before - chicken - one of his favorites. The next morning he was on the living room floor unable to walk and was incontinent and I think nearly in a coma. He had made a mess on his blanket and was just lying on the rug so I cleaned him up got a fresh blanket and gently put him on it. We just kept stroking his head and talking to him. My son was leaving for his college classes and I said be sure to say goodbye to your "brother" because he won't be here when you get home. And sure enough he was gone by 8:30. There is, I don't think any right or wrong way to do any of this. If you are more comfortable, put Doug's belongings in a box and store them out of sight somewhere until you are in a better (is there one?) place to deal with this. I like having just a couple of things that were his still around - I feel like I owe him that for all he gave me and my family.

Dougsmom, I am so sorry about your friend. He sounds a lot our best buddy, Bella.

We lost our bulldog (Bella) back on Oct. 11, and there are times when my wife and I are punched in the gut by memories and sadness. The first few weeks were intense and we felt the same things you feel now.

We also have sweet memories that make us sad too, we cry openly and grieve for our baby.

We were not prepared for any of this either, we just assumed we had more time.

We collected all of Bella's things over a period of days, put them aside, not entirely out of sight. We would find things unexpectedly in the house and in the back yard. That hurt a lot because they brought back memories of Bella when she was healthy and vibrant.

We had her cremated and she is back home with us now.

We found a suitable container for her too. Wood with metal reinforcements that "fit" her personality. We have put her toys, collar, chew bone and other assorted items in the box. I have her rabies vaccination tag on my keychain.

I wish I could offer more. Don/t deny yourself the ability to not grieve. It is part of the process. Things have gotten a bit better, but we noticed that our perception of things has changed. Our lives are now different without Bella.

We have a new dog, Angie and she is soooo different than Bella it is not funny. Guess that is part of the change in our lives.

Doug loved you very much and would not want you to be sad, hang in there.

I am so sorry... I just lost my dog Leon a week ago. He was only 7 years old, and it was really something we never expected. I am definately still in shock. The moments when I actually have an understanding of the reality of what happened- I completely fall apart. I cry everyday- I cry morning and night- My husband is the same, but more angry about it. We still have pictures of Leon all around us- I am putting more out all the time. I keep one picture of him in my pocket of my jeans- to have him with me wherever I go. Leon was cremated, but I am so mixed up- I am scared to get his ashes...
I am planning to get one of his photos turned into a painting or drawing, I am also planning to get a sign for "Leon's Garden" to put in his little hole he dug.
It just happens fast- doesn't it??? Someone you love so much could be gone so quick. I believe there are reasons behind everything- I believe that our puppies, cats, loved ones all are happy in a world beyond our comprehension. I think that some creatures are so good, so amazing that they get snatched away to move on to something else- It shouldn't have suprised me then that Leon would be needed elsewhere- he was my little angel, and I had 7 years with him to hug and kiss and love- He'll always be my angel, my most wonderful guy... but there must be something even greater in store for him- something much greater than just being my worl, my best friend, my little love...

It is absolutely heartwrenching! I don't find purpose in things now- I think it will take time.

I am thinking of you and Doug...
-Rebecca

Thanks again, to everyone on here, and may you find peace and joy again soon.

I am still in utter disbeief about Doug. It's only been 3 days, and it feels like years have gone by! I still cry so much I don't know where the tears come from, but I have also been trying to think of all the warm, perfect, joyful memories with Doug- the thing is, that's exactly what each day brought with him! I can honestly say that I never once was mad at him, he was the best friend, such a perfect sweetheart. So it's not hard at all to think of all the absolutely wonderful memories I have with Doug.

Today I freaked out because I realized I won't hug him again- and that tears me apart. It was my favorite- he would bury his head in my neck and I would hug him so long... I loved Doug so much. I find myself putting my arms out to encompass his little body and he's not there. Well his physcial body isn't, but I know he's with me...

I know you all can relate to what I am trying to get across- just had to write it out, I guess, because it's sooo hard to wrap my head around.

I did put his things out again. The night he passed, I was so upset, just hysterical, and I madly put everything away. I couldn't bear looking at anything of his. But now I have pictures out, his toys are in sight, and I have his blanket and bed out on my chair here in my office. I now feel that I NEED to see these things.

Thanks everyone. I am thinking of you and your beloved babies.

I know... the tears are never ending-aren't they? I just get a glass of water, drink it and know it will just come back out through my eyes sooner or later- The pain and missing is so awful. I miss Leon's furry little body- as you described of missing Doug. I feel so much that Leon is all around me now, that he is still so happy, and that now he is healthy and able to enjoy all the treats he loved so much- especially bacon. I think they have bacon in heaven, don't you? Leon was definately an angel on earth- I guess there were just so many other plans for him. I hope it gets easier for us both...

Take care of yourself... you miss him so much- I know it's so unthinkable this missing...

-Rebecca

i think they have bacon and all those special treats that our special, precious babies loved, in the place they are waiting happily for us in. my baby bear's favorite one was ramen and spaghetti noodles. i still have yet to go to the vets to pick up my boy's ashes and his stash of partially chewed up rawhide bones is still on our bed stuffed between the wall in the spot that he slept. actually when he sttttrreetched out our whole king size bed was his spot! i can't believe he's been gone more than a month, now. it seems like forever since i've grabbed him and hugged him and told him how much i loved him, but i still find myself looking for him- he was such a major part of everything i did. i haven't gone back to "his" park since(no reason to). he loved to run in it so much. maybe i'll take some of his ashes down and throw them at "his" ducks he liked to chase into the water. i feel so badly for all of your losses and will continue to pray for you all, and for the time that we will be allowed to share our love with our beloved friends once again. ron in pa

Dougsmom I am so sorry!! Know that your sweet angel is at peace and over the bridge running (nice and healthy) in a big field. God Bless, try to think of all the love and strength this angel gave you.

Mom to Digger

Dear Dougsmom,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your angel Doug. It is never easy to say goodbye to our precious furbabies no matter if they have been with us for 20 days or for 20 years. No amount of time is ever ever long enough. My last loss was Sept. 2004, when I had to say goodbye to me precious kitty Smokey, as he had CRF and he hated the treatment options that the vet gave us, so we made him as comfortable as possible, until we knew it was time to let go. Know that time does make things easier, but for me, I know I will miss him and my first furbaby Jacob, who has been gone since May 1999, for as long as I live. I would give anything to see and hold them again, but I will just have to wait until it is our time to be reunited, which feels like forever. I do have other furbabies and they are what keeps me going, as they are the air I breath and I can't imagine my live without them and I thank the Lord for intrusting me with these precious beings. I also pray daily that he gives us many many years with them before he asks for their return, as I believe God has loaned them to me to love.

Again, time will make things easier and you will come to a point when you can think of him as he was and also know that the bond the two of you had will always be there in your heart and mind. The hardest part is trying to make sure you take care of you, as it is very easy to get loss in your grieve if you are not careful. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayer. My God bless you, shelther you and protect you from the storm that now engulfs your very being.

LouAnn Needham
Mother to: Jacob - doggy angel (08/1982-05/1999), Smokey - kitty angel (12/1987-09/2004), Ziggy - doggy (12/1993), Quinton - doggy (07/1998), Phoenix - kitty (03/2003), Tyler - kitty (04/2004) & BobCat - kitty (07/2004)